Freedom is tearing us apart...

I'm thankful I live in a country where each of us can have an opinion, we can share that opinion and we can practice that opinion...we can say it boldly, loudly, repeatedly...it's quite amazing and I'm even inspired by so many of my friends who speak out..even if I don't agree with them.

I'm sad to see these opinions tearing us apart, enraging us as communities and truly causing so much destruction...

I don't know what the answer is, but my silence is not ignorance, it's not acceptance and it's not a giving up...

Of course for me, I'm praying...I'm reading...I'm researching and I think most of all, I'm trying to focus on joy.

In my journey of becoming a mother, so many people have said to me that it goes by in a blink of an eye. To my parents my life has gone by in the blink of an eye, my daughter is growing and it's going by fast as well.

I want to leave a legacy of love...I want to leave a legacy of accepting people and their differences and showing them love anyways. I don't want my daughter to look back and remember a time when I was "off-color", unloving, judgmental or even fearful of others.

It's a tall order...and I can't do it on my own because I can be unloving, I can be judgmental and I can be fearful and maybe even off-color...

Many of my friends do not know me well enough to know my positions/thoughts on things. We haven't had the discussions, the deep dives into debate, into politics, religion and I'm guessing many have a wrong idea or preconceived notion about what I believe.

Here's the thing, I can't say I haven't done the same thing - that I haven't put you in a box at some point in time...it happens. And when it doesn't...it's because I'm fully alive and fully functioning in the Spirit and mind of Christ. And that's a challenge, not because of Jesus, not because of my beliefs, but because of my sin nature... My nature that chooses not to read the word of God, my sin nature that chooses not to pray, my sin nature that keeps me inside of myself instead of in community. My sin nature that lets fear keep me from loving others who are different. My sin nature that forgets that God has my back (and my front and all of me). My sin nature that wants what I want, not what God wants...

In reading this and thinking on this I can get overwhelmed with a to do list, I start thinking about all the articles to read the initiatives to follow the posts to respond to, the memes to share, things to write, books to read...thankfully my biggest to do is to get with God...

Galatians 5 (read the ENTIRE Chapter) and I'll leave you with this:

Galatians 5:22

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited,provoking and envying each other.

Paying it Forward...

What a blessing the last two days have been, yesterday I was found feeling like a little kid, thanks to an old HR/Recruiting acquaintance, Facebook friend, and her sweet spirit, I have a Fitbit! I'm so excited to get to stepping - well being the list person I am - I'm more excited to check the app and track things! Thanks to all y'all who offered up one, I am truly blessed.

Then, today, baby girl and I went shopping and as we stood at the check out line our card did not go through, this has happened on occasion and it's embarrassing. I have to move aside with all our stuff and frantically call my husband to move money into our account, hoping we have it! I called and it kept going to voicemail, then he texted and said he couldn't talk right then, which meant he's on the other line, working hard...UGH!!! Well, as I stood there praying I could get him texted quickly, the woman behind us said, don't worry, I will take care of it and just like that she paid our $100 grocery bill - I WAS IN SHOCK - I cried, then baby girl and I praised the Lord and thanked her. Next we asked her her name and how we could pray for her, she said her name was Allison and to pray for her 3 kids and her grandchildren... WOW! Baby girl and I prayed all the way out the store and even in the parking lot as I kept crying...What a blessing, it's amazing to me, I just kept sitting there thinking, she didn't ask questions, she didn't make a big deal of it, she didn't judge - she just took care of it. Isn't that how God is? He just takes care of it, because of His son Jesus, He no longer asks if we deserve it or if we need it, He gives us His best. Thank you Lord!

On a side note, here we are in December and yesterday I was reflecting on how much I have really stuck to my goal to not buy anything new for me. I said I would ask, borrow, find at a resale shop or if I happened to be given a gift card that would be the exception...

Again that's how I got my Fitbit (as stated above) and a few other nice items, by asking my online community or my in person community. I've also gotten a couple of new pairs of jeans, a new pair of tennis shoes, and 3 new shirts all with gift cards/as gifts...But for me, I didn't purchase anything new - and I was able to rid out quite a bit (still have a long ways to go - it's an ongoing process - my trunk is currently full of stuff to drop with friends or at Good Will).

As I reflect on this goal, it was much easier than I thought, much easier. We really are blessed people, with probably more than we ever need, this goal just helped me see that life can/will go on without all the things. And then the days where someone gives me a cart of groceries for free, I just look up to the Lord and say thanks and kick myself for ever being so worried that we won't have what we need. He is our PROVIDER and He's blessed me so much with testimonies like this.

With love, kb

Lists for Happiness

My birthday was in September, and I have to say it was possibly one of the worst birthdays ever, at least in my experience. And it wasn't just because I felt old, there were a lot of other things at play. My bs ladies made the best of it and I was able to go out for dinner for the first time ever without little one. It was a monumental moment, adult beverages and conversation and everything! So it wasn't all bad.

Why do I bring it up? Because one of the bs ladies got me a sweet gift, a book called '52 lists for happiness' - it's a journal. The concept is that you complete a new list and then reflect on it for a week. You do this once a week for a year, then voila - happiness - HA! Just kidding, but it's a great cleansing and focused process of getting you to reflect on things that make you happy or things that could be holding you back from being happy.

Well, I'm enjoying it to say the least. I'm a list person. Seriously - nothing works better for me organizationally than making a list. I've tried reminders on my phone, I've tried a multitude of planners, and calendars, but lists by far work the best. Simple paper, pen and lists.  I must see it to really get to work on it - out of sight out of mind is definitely a hazard to me.

This week's list has me a bit stumped - even though a few others stumped me good too, this one I've not been able to even start. So what's the topic? "List the things (from your past and present) that feel like blockades in the way of happiness"

Hmmm...

Well just sitting here now I thought of the first thing...and it's a material/organizational thing, having to do with our home. So it's not a life/death thing, but it definitely can hold me back. Whew - maybe just writing this blog helped me find that out.

But I can't really think of another thing...

How about you? It's a great question to ponder...and a great challenge to overcome. I'll share more insights from the cool book in the future. For now...have a great week!

Feeling deflated...

These past few days I've been making a to do list at night - as a recommendation from something I read - it's been working out well - I've been getting lots of things done - I've also been staying up and working a bit each night...but today - I have zero motivation...I literally just stared at the computer for like 5 minutes...and then went to Facebook and trolled which is super productive as we all know.


So I decided to write a little, fact of the matter is, I had a rough day, me and the hubs drove each other to crazy and it wasn't fun, married life is not for wimps, it's hard. I guess what gets me the most is how much it deflates me, wears me out, kills my joy, makes me feel like doing nothing but sitting around and being lazy.


And that's not who I am - dammit...


It's frustrating to say the least and I'm sure the hubs would have a lot to say too - I'm not easy to deal with - at least that's what I've been told. But life is not easy to deal with. Today at church we talked about how we are to be Spirit led and unfortunately we are feeling led...and that's right where I am.


I feel like crap, I'm sad, I'm frustrated, I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm tired, I'm unmotivated and I'm worried, anxious, lonely, did I mention sad...well there - that's what's happening...the Spirit in me is sucked dry...


So how do we replenish? Sleep, that's a good one. Starting over. Prayer. Fresh air. A shower. A green juice. A glass of wine. A run. A fitness class. A blog.


My to do list is made for morning. I'm not going to get anything accomplished tonight. I must sit back, relax and remind myself tomorrow is a new day. Full of new lists, new accomplishments and new opportunities. And pray...I have to pray. And if you pray, pray with me...pray for me, pray for us, pray for marriages everywhere - because they are not for wimps.


I wish I had some inspiring things to say, but I'm working on being real, in being more transparent, in telling the truth instead of just trying to pump myself and others up. Take it how you like. Such is life.


I saw a button today on a worker at Whole Foods which said "Shiitake Happens" - I need this in a t-shirt...

Marriage Advice...

I read a quote today that if you build a strong foundation for your marriage, it will withstand anything...especially the schemes of the devil that try to pull you apart.

If there's one thing I've noticed in marriage, the devil is all over the place, pulling, tugging, annoying, reminding, forgetting, infuriating, and meddling where he shouldn't be.

So how do you build a strong foundation...no seriously, how?

And don't give me the sweet christian answer of "on Jesus" - I'm tired of the goody, goody answers. Don't worry, I'm not bashing Jesus, I need Him everyday and especially in my marriage, but in this case, I need some meat and potatoes to sink my teeth into, because as I've heard it said before "marriage is not for wimps". Think more tactical, more proactive, more what you've done that's worked, or what you've done that didn't work...that'd be fun too.

So here's my two cents for those reading this that aren't married. If you are praying and desiring a marriage, think about all the things that you are dreaming of, then think of the opposites. For example, cuddling and sleeping together every night oh so dreamy...the opposite...sleeping in separate rooms and not talking because you can hardly stand the site of each other. Why think of something so terrible? Because that's how you prepare for all the ups and downs in marriage...and you need to be better prepared. Life is hard...then you add jobs, finances, kids, in laws, family, travel, unexpected expenses, other people? You get the point, but no one talks about the hard stuff, they only talk about the dreamy stuff. How will you handle a fight, how will you handle many fights? How will your spouse handle them? These are great questions.

I'm not trying to be a Debbie downer here (no offense to Debbie) - but "marriage is not for wimps" right? So, let's get back to how you build that foundation...no fluff please! Leave me your advice because I'm curious! And when you do, tell me how many years you've been married...and/or how many times, not because I'm going to judge you (not publicly anyways), just because I'd be curious to know.

Faithful's Five month Friday!

Yesterday our little one turned 5 months old on a Friday and her name is Faithful...so all day long we called it "Faithful's Five month Friday" - we do silly things like that around here.

What a five months it's been, we love our little angel and she's so full of love and happiness and joy. God blessed us with the sweetest girl, she's got the best demeanor, she's interested in everything, she love to learn, she loves to be a part of the conversations and touch everything, in the house, in the garden, she loves to watch the leaves on the trees dance in the wind, she loves snuggles with mom and loves talks and giggles with dad, she loves when dad plays guitar and sings to her, she's full of love. She's rolling over and scooting on her back, she's attempting to jump out of her swing/bouncy chair and to sit up...watch out world!

While I haven't done a monthly picture, I don't do as much on my phone as I used to, I usually have my hands full with baby, I just wanted to document some of her loves.

Yesterday she did a new thing, which it seems like daily there's a new thing - but this one is fun, she's trying to repeat what we are doing, so yesterday she tried to make the same noises I was making to her and this went on all day - I know it's just the beginning, but it was SUPER fun...

We can't wait for all the firsts and all the fun! What a blessing you are Faithful! So thankful God gave you to us! We love you!

Yep...I'm still pregnant!

So the hubs and I laugh every time we walk into our local grocery store, juice shop or even church at this point...because everyone exclaims...Where's that baby? Or they give us a look...

So today we decided - I need a T-Shirt that reads - Yep! I'm still pregnant!!! LOL!

This is the closest I could find:

We just laugh it off though - but there's gotta be a market for this shirt - anyone want to launch? I want royalties! YEP! Still Pregnant!!!

Anyways - when it comes to birthing naturally, you may naturally have to wait. And waiting for this impatient lady is no fun for momma...

I hate waiting for anything, but what I do know is that patience is truly a virtue and that I am blessed because daily I have a husband that takes my frown and turns it upside down...He's amazing and has continually made me focus on all that is good, all that is true and all that is right! We pray, we refocus, he may do a little dance or sing a little song, anything to get my from navel gazing (literally) and gets me focused on goodness.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not depressed, angry, but I have been (from day to day) a little irritable...(pray for my husband).

While we can't wait to meet our baby girl - we are just blessed to know she's happy, she's healthy and she's going to be stubborn just like her mom and dad...

I can't tell you how thankful we are fall all the calls, texts, messages, etc that we receive daily - we have an amazing network of people who are sending us prayers, thoughts, gifts and pure goodness.

Baby girl - you are going to be so loved...and we can't wait to meet you! (41 weeks and 3 days ) - I just went to look at the days on my pregnancy app - and it cracks me up - it says:

"41 weeks and beyond...
"Baby is the size of a Pumpkin - you are officially overdue!"

Nah - really? - Everyday - I find something new to giggle about...and today it's this!
Oh and can I tell you - I've never had so many people tell me to have sex...I know it's all in love, and I'm thankful for the advice, but it cracks me up...strangers even...

Baby delivering is serious business! And we are ready to enjoy every minute of it...
Be blessed today!