You are a good God and I trust you...

A few weeks ago, at a concert, I heard these words come from the singer as they paused a moment to pray during their performance:

"You are a good God and I trust you. . ."

It's a simple phrase, but it has had a profound affect on me. If I've mentioned it before, I apologize, it's still gripping me. Actually, it's helping to transform me, day-by-day. Not the phrase, but the way the Holy Spirit is using it as a tool to convey truth in my life.

A simple search of the term "God is good" returns a few scriptures that back this up:

"Give thanks for the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever." Psalm 136:1

"For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving." 1 Timothy 4:4

"You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees." Psalm 119:68

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

Okay, so you get the point. Or maybe now I get it. God is good!

Now the next part is the trust component. Tonight, I'm reading an article that talks about "Eve's Daddy Issues. . ." basically identifying that even girls that never had daddy issues, can blame Eve since the beginning of time for trust issues - HA! No. . .what it's saying is there's a heart issue, and any woman can have this heart issue. If you don't trust your dad, your brother, your friend, your boyfriend, or your husband. . .you ultimately don't trust your Father in heaven. TRUTH.

But here's a part of this article I really like:

"Ultimately, we're not failing to trust the men in our lives, since we've never been called to trust them (Ps. 146:3-5); we're failing to trust the One who gave them to us. 

No earthly home can be secure enough to satisfy the fears of a heart that hasn't learned that ultimately security is found in the Almighty." - Jasmin Holmes

(link to full article - http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/eves-daddy-issues-and-ours)

Anyways, I'm just fleshing this out with y'all here. I'm learning to trust God more each day. I'm learning to believe that He is ultimately for me and that He wants good to come out of my life. I imaging Him for a minute as my one man cheering section (and sometimes it feels like he's the only one). He's the fanatical fan with the KT ROCKS sweatshirt on, green afro (has to be green), purple jumpsuit yelling you can do it! HA! It's fun to imagine. The point is, He's always cheering for me, sometimes the crowd is so loud, I just can't hear him. 

He's also working on my heart, and as I lean in, as I trust Him more, He changes my perspective. He lets me know I'm awesome, I'm created in His image. I am the righteousness of Christ, I'm a crown jewel, I am in His hands, I'm a catch, I'm a blessing, People want to listen to me and be around me, I am a beautiful, I'm a co-heir in Christ, I'm saved, I'm redeemed and tonight. . .I'm blessed and humbled to call Him my Father. Thank you Lord for cheering me on and never missing a game!

Crappy days happen

Late Post from November 9th. . . 

So today (November 9th) was a crappy day. . .I've been in the dumps and it started last night and then squirmed it's way into my day today.

I know I should be better about this stuff. I should take every thought captive and I should know better. I should pray more, but there are just days were it's crap. . crap. . .crap. . .and more crap.

I feel like crap. . .

But God is good, it wasn't all lost on crap. This morning the Lord ministered to me through the saints of the church, by allowing me to be prayed over, when I was weak. Allowing this sweet, blessed woman to just love on me and give me a vision of how Jesus sees me. It was so sweet, she just couldn't stop hugging me and I couldn't stop hugging her, what a God-send she was. I needed that hug more than anything (and I don't usually like hugs)! I need hugs though, I know that my heavenly Father knows that and for that I'm thankful.

So the Lord has given me the gift of discernment, I didn't ask for it, I didn't know what it meant before three years ago, but He's gifted me with it. I don't like it all the time, especially, as sometimes it leads me to truth that hurts. Or truth that I don't like, or truth that flat out scares me (ever see a demon, well I have and that's wrapped up in that gift of discernment). And through it all, I always know in my heart what's going on, some people call it a gut feeling, others just know. And most of the time, I do a pretty good job of taking every thought captive. And last night I went to war, I was not going to let the enemy win!

For instance, as the enemy tried to attack, I did it, I prayed and I prayed hard. I said Lord, this is the truth, this is your truth, let it reign true, let all things be okay, let it just be the enemy wanting to derail me. So I prayed and I slept, and I got a really good nights sleep. But when I woke, the shaking was still happening. So much so, it followed me to church, where the Lord shook me to my core, and told me. . .you need prayer, you need help and I won't leave you, I promise, I love you, you are a jewel, you are mine, you are chosen. But child, not everyone is going to understand. Let me command your destiny, let me be your provision, let me rule in your heart.

So my day went on and what a numbing day it was. . .numb, that's the word. The Lord knows the desires of my heart, and so does the enemy, and sometimes we can be fooled by things that look close. They look like a gift, but aren't truth. We have to be careful, but we must not stop loving. As we are told to love, and I do that, I do it really well, but I never want to do it so well that I lose sight of God or myself. When I do this, I lose focus and make so many other things my idol, I fail, and in essence, I sin.

BUT GOD. . .

And He said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves in the sight of men, but God knows your hearts; for that which is highly esteemed among men is detestable in the sight of God. - Luke 16:15

I guess the reason I wanted to post this was to keep it real. To let you know that even though smiles abound normally, there are crappy days and thankfully the Lord sees us through each one of them.

May you be blessed and if you are having a crappy day, stop and pray, or message me and I will pray for you!
Love,
kt

Praying for miracles. . .

Written 11/4/14 -

We ask God for a lot of stuff, a lot. Come on now, don't deny it. He's actually asked us to do that. He actually enjoys us coming to him for everything. Thank you Lord.

As I sit here writing, I am interested in learning, is out of all the things we ask for, how many of us truly ask God for a miracle? I'm not talking about answers for this or that, but for God to move that mountain and bring a miracle? I started thinking about it, as I have been pleading with the Lord for a miracle this week.

The new miracle I have been praying for is a miracle to start with, so it's a miracle on top of a miracle so to speak. I've been praying for the last 2 years for this first miracle and so when I heard about it I praised God, because He did it! But now it's moved into a new realm, it needs a miracle on top of a miracle. It's funny how I have qualified it in my mind too. The first miracle wasn't that big of a surprise, I guess it's because I know my God and I believed He could do it. But today, the miracle on top of the miracle, it's taking me farther. Lord I know you can do it, but I want to feel it, I want to see it, I want to taste it.

Lord, I want this miracle for your glory, for your story, for your testimony. Lord I know you can do this, but even my little faith is being stretched. I must confess Lord, I'm growing bold in demanding this miracle, but I'm also wondering how I will be if you don't do it. Will I shy away from you? What words will I say to those who know I've been praying hard for this, how will I defend you? (As if I even need to?) LORD, HELP MY UNBELIEF!

It's silly really, but it's real. I can count on one or two hands, the number of times I have truly beseeched the Lord to move in a miraculous way. Has He ever not answered me the way I wanted? Yes.  Has He ever answered me the way I wanted? Yes. Did I give Him the glory? Yes! He's done both, and through it all I still love Him, but do I trust Him?

My trust in the Lord is challenged almost daily by the will of my mind. It's amazing how faithful our good Father is, and how faithless we can be after all. Through this I have been wondering, why don't we ask for more miracles? I know why I don't. I've discovered it's not because I don't believe God, it's because I don't want to be disappointed, I don't want to be let down and I ultimately don't trust that God knows better than me. Isn't that the truth? Isn't that what holds us back from praying for miracles? From having peace? From publicly acknowledging the God of life?

My heart is heavy this morning, because truly I tell you, the Lord has revealed my struggles to me and ever so sweetly He's working them out in and through me, through my life. But here's why my heart is heavy, I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I still struggle. . .what about those who don't see the light, who are struggling to hang onto themselves. They are struggling to hold onto something that is perishable, something that can fail (out human bodies fail), they are lost without hope. My heart is heavy for those who have set You aside Father. . .for those who know the goodness of Your love, but have lost it, they have lost You, not because You have moved, but because they have gone off and tried to do it alone. I know Father, because I do it. . .ALL THE TIME.

Lord, I say the words, 'hear my prayers' as if it incites me to the front of the line with You, but there is no line, You are as personal to me as You are anyone. You are right beside me as if I am the only child in your entire kingdom, but yet, I can't get that through my head today. Lord I'm praying for a great miracle today. I am begging you to heal, to lay hands on, to save in the name of Jesus, the name of above all names.

Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer. . .

Set us free

It's not everyday you meet someone and the Lord gives you just an amazing insight into their hearts. But when it does, and you get to see the Fathers heart, it's amazing. 

That happened today. Just a sweet Saturday with my man, headed to one of our favorite places to grab a salad, and the next thing you know, we're are hearing an amazing testimony.

Now right away you may think we ran I to a fellow believer, sorry to disappoint, but the young man says he's an atheist.

Now don't get sad, the Lord says trust. And so we continued to talk. As he told us he was an atheist, the Holy Spirit told me that he had an immense amount of sorrow in his life, I could see it in his eyes. So I shared that with my man, and he asked him. . ."have you lost someone?" Wow, it's like the floodgates opened, he had lost his parents before he could remember, lost many friends and even lost the love of his life to cancer.

At TTR, where I work, we train people to love, listen, discern and respond. Our loving and listening that day allowed us to discern that this young man needed to know that he was not alone, that he was loved and so that's what we did.

We discerned that we needed to find out more about what he loved, what he enjoyed, why was he work and what was he working for (we're all working for something). As our meal came to an end, my sweet man had told him they needed to hang out, we had found out that he loved to write and that he was open to another visit! Awesome!

The ball is in his hands, as he has our number and contact information, but before we left, he was hugged and encouraged, and I pray he saw a Christ that is loving, not pushy, who listens and cares and will love above all!

Will you pray with me for this young man? Pray that he is encouraged that true love and healing come from Christ.

As we walked away, the Lord told me to pray that he is set free. Lord I pray he's set free and what's even more ironic, shortly after that, I had my own experience with grace and love and come to find out I need to be set free from fear, no new surprise, but just a constant reminder that only Jesus can set us free. 

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

Knowledge gives you wings

So, this past weekend I had the privilege of sitting in on an Earthworks, permaculture class. I've had the chance to learn about permaculture over the past few months. . .by association. 

It's interesting how you know nothing about something and then God just injects your life with new knowledge. . .

With that said, I'm learning a ton! Like this weekend, how to build a swale and ponds. I learned what a berm, a key point, a laser level and much, much more.

Again, I'm just amazed at all the knowledge that is out there in the world, but until it crosses our paths we know nothing of it.

What is the Lord looking to teach you? For me, He's asking me to be silent. And don't laugh since my writing might be construed as being noisy. But He's actually asking me to be quiet with Him, to be quiet in my head, to get to that mountain top with Him, where He can speak to me. How cool!

I'm not there yet, I can't see the top, but I'm climbing, not striving. Or then again, sometimes striving and not climbing. It's a battle, but it's worth it. 

I'm also not yet an expert in permaculture, but I'm learning, more and more as I go.

It's never to late to learn. . .whether it permaculture . . .or discerning the voice of God, get out there and listen up!

"Ignorance is the curse of God; knowledge is the wing wherewith we fly to heaven."

William Shakespeare

Love your neighbor

This past Saturday, I had the privilege to see Jen Hatmaker speak at the Go Girl! Women's Conference at Fellowship Dallas Bible Church. While I did not take notes, therefore I can't possibly begin to redeem her entire message, the parts I did glean from it was to Love your Neighbor. Ya know, a commandment of our Lord and Savior.

Well, sounds great! Right now, I'm loving my little neighbor Kyoshi (my boyfriend's dog) as he sits next to me. Earlier today, I loved my neighbor at the coffee shop while I worked, greeting her politely and allowing her to sit next to me at the community table/lounge area. And early this morning I loved my neighbor (my housemate) by getting out the house so she could sleep (as she's been working nights). So check, done...

Not so fast lady, that's what my conscious says...and then it starts to ask these questions?

• What about your neighbors, the ones in your neighborhood?  Remember when you moved into that great little house, you prayed for them, your prayed for your city and you intentionally tried to create ways to meet them, greet them and have conversations with them?  What happened to that?
• What about the time you offered to help with your neighbors car and have your friend work on it, but you never followed through? Nor did your friend. The entire thing was counted as a blessings, and had led to a great spiritual conversation, but your lack of follow through on the car, probably did not help your testimony of your faith very much.
• What about the time you made cookies for all of them at Christmas - that one time (the first year, this will be Christmas #4 in the hood).
• What about the most recent time when your neighbor fell ill and you promised to look in on her? Maybe help with some meals, etc. . .yep, how well did that go over?

Jesus clearly stated. . . 

". . . and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31New American Standard Bible (NASB)

There is no greater commandment than these. . . whoa, maybe my life is flipped upside down? Maybe the fact that I drive to a ministry each day that focuses on sharing the Gospel across this nation, but I can't get out of my comfort zone to start checking in with and loving on my neighbors, is a big slap in the face to God?

It's been on my mind. And as I write this, I don't know how or what I'm going to do, because I really need the Lord to clear the space and make me move. I just know that he's moving, he's always moving in my life. And this week I'm overwhelmed with the ideas that keep popping into my head, am I serving Him well? Am I doing the Lord's work? Am I loving my neighbor? Am I being a fool for Christ? Am I where He wants me to be? The emotions are raging and I'm asking for His clarity, His plan for me and His confirmation on how to move for Him. Thankfully as I am fluttering about, the one thing I'm not concerned about, is that He who calls me is faithful (Romans 8:28)!

Please pray with and for me as the Lord works this all out, He's moving and He's moving me!

Put that down and stop hitting her!

Sounds like something your mother would tell at you as she tells you to leave your sister alone, doesn't it?

Well tonight as I assess the day, read, pray and digest, it's actually meant for me, and maybe you, and maybe my best friend, maybe even my guy friends? (Insert "stop hitting him") Who knows?

"Put that down. . ." refers to the weight of this world that we carry. Each morning we pick up our mantle, our burdens, our lack of satisfaction, our lack of measuring up. We pick up our guilt, maybe the day before we said something spiteful or hurtful or just plain ignorant to someone. Maybe we avoided them, lied, didn't give them our full attention? Maybe we even allowed them to sin against us and then we entered into their sin, leaving both of us carrying a weight? 

Pause for a moment. . .am I the only one? If so, yay. . .and Lord, hear my cry! Take these things from me Lord, as I repent and I ask for your forgiveness, as I forgive those who I may believe "provoked" me, Lord take them, take this weight.

And not magically, but through His covenant with us as our Savior, He picks them up and carries them away. He gives us the ability to never see them again. Ah, but not me, I wake up as if I'm in that movie Groundhog Day and I repeat my actions from yesterday! UGH! When will I learn?! (Understand now that this is my utterance, not the Lord's)

This is where the ". . .and stop hitting her" comes in. Because you see what I did there? Launched right back into picking up the weight that entangles my soul daily, and then lectured (hit) myself with how foolish I am to do it again! Wash, rinse, repeat. . .this is a daily routine for me, anyways.

STOP! That's not what God intends for us to do. Knowing that we could not follow the law and that we would battle our natural behavior our entire life, He sent Jesus. He sent Jesus to tell us about himself, He sent Jesus to tell us about ourselves and our design. He sent Jesus to tell us about how we are to see ourselves and others through His lense.

Jesus calls us many things, beloved, blessed, sheep without a shepherd, His children, His disciples, His friend, His family, His redeemed, overcomers! Amen!

But, do I wake up each morning calling myself that? Nope, I'd rather use, fat, single, immature, grumpy, messy-haired, out of style, broke, tired, and ultimately defeated, failure. (Feel free to insert the names you use here)

Put that down and stop hitting her!

Geesh! Can we start our mornings a bit differently from here on out? Let's try something new! Let's start with the names Jesus gave us, then let's see if any of those other unmentionables can even get near us!

As one if my favorite songs from the 90's (arguably containing other questionable lyrics, but has to be mentioned here, because it fits well and popped into my head just now) says:

"Regulators...mount up!"

Let's regulate this self deprecation, let's use that powerful inner voice that comes from the Spirit of Jesus that lives within us and let's stop carrying the weight and beating ourselves up! Give it a try and give me some feedback, let me know how it goes.

Blessings!

KT

Identity

I scratched down some notes last night during an evening of prayer and worship. Throughout the evening we talked about many things. But one struck me, it's that we were made to be worshippers and to worship God. 

This means giving Him all credit, giving Him all praise, acknowledging Him above myself. So why don't I do that? 

I started thinking about it, and I don't do that because I worry about other things too much, I don't do it because I let other things get in the way of my worship.

It led me to think, if I am made to worship, then my identity should be in that in which I worship. This is something we all hear tossed around, "your identity should be in Christ." Sounds great, but no one discusses how do I get there?

So last night I scribbled down some notes about my thoughts on my how...

My prayer is that it will help you, and more than anything that I will dwell on worshipping the God who blesses me, who saved my life and loves me more than I can even comprehend! I pray it helps me to understand my identity.

"The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me." John 17:22-23

Gratefulness, thankfulness

So I've been tagged on Facebook to share what I'm thankful for, blah, blah, blah. It's not that I'm against being thankful or I'm not thankful. I am, but who needs to post it all over Facebook?

So then today, a friend told me it's good to focus on gratefulness, again, I agree. But as I sit here tonight I wondered, are they the same thing? So I looked it up, I know you are probably tired of me looking up words and reciting the definition, but I believe knowledge of words and their meanings is a lost practice. And I appreciate re-learning the meanings myself, or sometimes being astounded at how far off my understanding of a word might have been. So here we go!

thank·ful - ˈTHaNGkfəl/
adjective

1. pleased and relieved. "they were thankful that the war was finally over"
2. expressing gratitude and relief. "an earnest and thankful prayer", "she was thankful that the evening was over"

grate·ful - ˈgrātfəl/
adjective

• feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful. "I'm very grateful to you for all your help"

Interesting - thanks Google. Do you notice the slight difference? Being thankful is being "pleased and relieved" whereas being grateful is "feeling or showing appreciation or kindness". Interesting. 

Makes me think about an article I recently read - "Why it doesn't matter how you feel about your friends". The article talks about how we think about, and even pray for our friends, but we don't necessarily reach out to them any more. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and other social outlets allow us to just "think" about them, but not do anything about it. We see their family updates, their new jobs, we like it but we don't really correspond. It's a great read and really spoke to my heart as I'm awful about keeping in touch with friends - ask my friends! My housemate told me she didn't think it would be safe for me to live alone, as I might just go into hibernation! (Sounds amazing right now!)

My point is (yes, I'm sure you were wondering when I would get there), after reading these definitions, I'm convinced of how thankful I am for so many things, but how I am lacking in the gratefulness department. And I know, I'm being a little rough on myself, as it says "feeling or showing appreciation or kindness". But can't you imagine how better off our world would be if instead of just being thankful we actually showed others just how grateful we were?

Isn't that what the Lord desires too? He desires our gratefulness to be shown in our worship to Him. How do we worship? Well, one way is to be grateful and love others well, by showing love to them. Hmmm, not too tricky.

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. (Psalm 100:1-5)

So tonight I'd like to list a few things I'm thankful for and show my gratefulness by sharing this post with the people who generate this feeling in my heart! (in no particular order)

- My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, my refuge, my defender

- My nieces, Zoe and Emma, who make me smile and giggle a lot!

- My brother Michael, who's just cool to talk to and has a cool job - train conductor (so cool!)

- My Mom, who raise me and provided for me as I grew up and is always ready to help

- My Dad, who is a great listener and is always available to hear me out (and you too Chris)

- My sisters, brothers, sister-in-laws, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins - who are just plain lovable, fun, creative and interesting (the whole brood)

- My housemates and my bible study ladies who pray for me, love me unconditionally, challenge me, make me laugh uncontrollably and support me in so many ways

- My best friend Ang, who encourages me and uplifts me and is always there for me (can't wait to see you Ang)

- My best friend Dani who is just plain hilarious and who I miss dearly (and is about to become a mom, so cool!)

- My boyfriend, who's caring, a great communicator and points me and so many others to Jesus (and he's in a rock band!)

- My coworkers and friends through Time to Revive, there's too many to name, but y'all are amazing and I'm so thankful for how you have sharpened me over the past 3 years, it's unbelievable all the things I have seen the Lord do through your prayers and your love- Amazing!

- My friends Cely, Chayo, Angie, Monika, Emily and Isabel - my running buddies & cheer team. I love you each for your huge hearts, your fierce intelligence and your amazing love. I miss the West Coast ladies!

- My prayer warriors - you know who you are - you are amazing, I can't thank you enough for holding me up in prayer!

- My dentist, friend and travel buddy - what's up Doc? You rock and are so fun to hang with at weddings!

I'm sure I've missed some people, there's just to many of you that I am thankful and grateful for, but I pray that you are blessed, not by my words, but by knowing that your love, your time, your laughter, your tears, your texts, phone calls, emails, Facebook messages mean a ton to me! I love you!

Battling Selfishness...

Yes...we are in a battle. All the time. And this weekend (starting on Friday) I felt it more real than I had in a while. My week last week was good, work was good, my relationship with friends was good, my boyfriend was good. I was on cloud nine, then came a dose of some issues.

Now to say these were others issues would be wrong, but what came in conversations with others, in working with others, in trying to love others well, was issues.  My issues!

Yep, in case you didn't know it, I've got issues! Ain't too proud to talk about it, let it all out. And no, I'm not asking for some pity-party, I'd rather have you just pray. Lord knows I need it!

So here are some of the issues that came out of me this weekend, like a rotten smelling fruit:  fear, insecurity, jealousy, need for attention, wanting to be right, control, lack of self-control and selfishness. I could go on, but I think that's enough, for many reasons.

One, the Lord is not asking me to bear the weight of all these issues. Whew?! Because when I do that I tend to mess things up royally. Nope, Jesus came so that I could find refuge in His unfailing, unfaltering, unrestrained love.  

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:37-39)

Secondly, as I move, live and breathe, I have to realize that these issues must be laid at the Lord's feet, that I must give them over each day, minute-by-minute, I must not give up! But trying not to give up does not mean to keep trying other alternatives (believe me I KNOW!). Selfishly, those don't work either, because again, I am not trusting, I am acting out of fear. I want to fix it, I want to make things better, I want the issue to go away. And sometimes, it can't just go away, my words must be chose carefully, and my actions may sometimes heed discipline and responses that I don't want to experience.

So as I write this, and as Ann Voskamp tends to reiterate on her blog/facebook (found here: http://www.aholyexperience.com/), "#preachingthegospeltomyself". So here I am, preaching the Gospel to myself.

It works most of the time, and then the times it doesn't, means I'm trying too hard to force my plans, and not waiting on God's plans. And then I'm reminded of one of my most favorite bible verses:

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it's the Lord's purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21)

Yep, all my scheming, and trying, fixing, planning, talking, I need to let it go. I need to trust that the Lord cares for my issues and is working on soul and that I don't have to do the heavy lifting all the time.

So I pray on this Sunday evening, I will rest, I will rest well, I will sleep and I will wake up tomorrow morning with the clean slate the Lord is ready to hand me. Lord, I trust you. Lord, I believe you. Lord, I need you. Lord, I love you and Lord, I thank you. Amen!

Battling fear

Great, just what everyone wants to read about, a post about fear. But over the past couple of weeks, it's been the topic of many of both my internal and external discussions and my prayers.

I relish in the Merriam-Webster definition of it:

The part that catches my eye today is..."to expect or worry about (something bad or unpleasant)." Ouch. It cuts right to the chase. It also calls out something that many of us avoid claiming when we have fear, which is expectations. 

When we expect things we are essentially trying to plan our own future. Our fear settles in when reality starts to look very different than the expectation that we set for ourselves and that we put on others. As I spoke with a dear friend last night, he exclaimed that the next thing he believes that the Lord wants to pour out on him is joy. To which the Holy Spirit told me to let him know, that what he's sensing - that's truth! The Lord does want to give him joy, but the Spirit of the Lord also let me know and prompted me to tell him, it's not going to look the way he expects it to. He received it and it led to a great conversation about how we attempt to put expectations and limits on most everything we do, and even on what God desires for us.

When we do this we steal joy. We steal joy from the present moment and we allow fear to creep into our brains, our hearts and our spirit man (or woman). My soul has been continuously focused this past week or so, on removing fear from my thoughts. And I have failed terribly. And while I'm not hear to pity me or anyone else for failing, I'm hear to say, it's a serious battle. NOT one to be taken lightly. As Paul says to the Corinthians:

"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ..." (2 Cor 10:3-5)

This is work. Work I (we) can't do without the Spirit's help. And as I see it, I step outside the Spirit more than I walk in step with it. How easily I'm distracted, how easily I quench it, how easily I believe the lies that in order to hear from the Lord, or stay in the Spirit I need to allow myself to be ushered into the Spirit. Lies that creep into our advice to friends and into the advice we receive from Christian friends. Have you been to church? Have you been praying? Have you been reading your bible? All well-intended, but I have been and do these things, and yet the battle rages. It's absurd, there's no formula, it's much simpler, but we make it hard. It's this simple, Jesus says:

"...and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

Did you catch that? He said ALWAYS! He's not waiting 'til you get into your prayer closet, he's not waiting at the bus stop, he's not waiting 'til you open your bible, and he's not sitting patiently at church waiting for you to come in and take your seat. He's with you always. ALWAYS...ALWAYS...see what you're doing there, you're rushing past, re-read this. Believe me, re-read it!

After reminding myself of this, I found that I needed to take it one step further (and consistently need to do this), I am not able to just be satisfied with knowing that Jesus is right here with me, everywhere. Nor do I remember this truth. Prayerfully, someday I will be able to remember. But for now, I have to also reframe my every thought. I have to, as my boss recently said, put on my faith goggles, but I also have make sure I have on my truth goggles. I have to re-talk to myself, I have to replay scenarios that I'm worrying about over in my head 'til I boil them down to the truth. This seems like it should be simple, but our brains, well at least my brain, does not do this simply. It does not hold onto truth. Truth seems to slip through my hands while untruths tend to hang on and stick to my brain, and infect my thoughts.

So it's important to remember this truth as well as I commence this daily battle. Jesus also said:

"...and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” (John 8:32)

Freedom. That's my prayer, for me and for you. Freedom from fear, freedom from worry, freedom from expectations and more or MOST importantly, the ability to feel unspeakable JOY!

Dreams...a way to soul-clarity

Dreams...my way of soul-clarity...

So, if you know me, you've heard me talk about my dreams. I've been an avid dreamer and connoisseur of dreams for most of my life, learning about their interpretation, B.C. and understanding their peace giving elements for many years.

In looking back, I've been comforted through life with passing dreams. I've also been alerted to forthcoming trials and tribulations by those same sleep induced notes. After surrendering my life the Lord (I'll refer to A.D.), the Lord blessed me with people in my life that helped me start to make sense of my dreams.

Therefore as I long to be with the Lord in daily life, I'm also comforted by the fact that my longing is sometimes (often times) met through my sleep as well. Isn't the Lord amazing?   

I know for some of you who don't believe, you're thinking I'm a bit off, but so be it. I know for a fact that it's through His grace and love that He even allows me to see these amazing things in life, whether awake or asleep - God's that cool!

So this past week has been a soul-searching week, a very confusing week, as the only conclusion I can muscle up the words to describe is that I'm tired...really, really, really tired...exhaustion might be the better word for it. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual...the lines are blurred completely and I can't make heads or tails of it.

I tried to and I have completely lost the relevant words to describe my fatigue, therefore launching many others into complete disarray and worry for me. Praise the Lord, I have amazing friends, coworkers and family that would even attempt to worry about me, pray for me and love me through this - I am blessed, beyond most.

As I tried to put words into my mouth, into my head, and they just didn't fit. I love what I do. I love the people I work with and am so blessed, so why the worry, the strife, the numbness? I DON'T KNOW...

And this week has not helped me put a finger on it. But what it has helped me do is know that with space, I think better, I run better, I work better and I love better. A lot better.

Now that my soul-rambling is complete, back to the dream, because I believe it plays an important role in my searching, in my praying and in the prayers that others have uttered for me.

My dream last night, took me to the desert, literally (see the pictures above). I was lying in the middle of my desert - outdoors and I felt this huge weight, as if someone or something was laying on top of me. I was face down and when I turned and rolled over to see it, I could see this small building or trailer (just like the picture above, except the coloring of the sky was as it's shown in the 2nd picture, that deep dark blue and purple) parked a ways from me and I could see that I was outside. My bed was in the middle of the outdoors and I remember that whatever was on top of me was leaving, and it was invisible. As I rolled over it rolled off of me. I remember talking to God and asking for His protection and knowing that He made it leave, I remember thanking Him. I also remember waking up in my own bed, here at home and feeling that sense of heaviness and consciously thinking that heaviness is gone or is going. The idea that it was leaving was awesome.

I really feel that this heaviness was a spiritual attack, that for the past few weeks an oppressive force has been over me. I know that I still feel a bit tired, but this morning I woke up with a renewed sense of purpose, of the ability to put fear and fatigue aside and to move forward.

Then was the secret revealed unto Daniel in a night vision. Then Daniel blessed the God of heaven. (Daniel 2:19) 

Hence this blog. I've been having an urge (a serious urge) to blog for over a year. In fact for more than a year now I've had an alarm go off each Saturday that reminds me to blog...check the blog role to see how many times this has actually happened. Ahem...don't laugh, because it hasn't.

Anyways, my prayer is that with more prayer, some good talks, some sleep and some intentionality of wanting to punch fear in the face, you'll see a few more blogs on here...And more importantly, I get back to doing the Lord's work, what he's laid in front of me. Thank you Lord for Kingdom work, big or small, you've put it in my path and for that I'm ever grateful.

Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established. (Proverbs 16:3)

kt

PS - Keep dreaming!

A Reason to Sing (a late post from reviveTWIN CITIES training)

A Reason to Sing

GOOD MORNING Saturday…so our teams head out and Emilee and I make our first stop at Grace Church and set David up (we were blessed to have a table for the men’s breakfast).  Simultaneously, across town Kyle and Rich were at another men’s breakfast for HisClay Ministries.  All the while we had part 2 of training starting at 8:30 a.m. at OCMC.  And some of our team was there - getting prepped for the morning!  Busy day!

So Emilee and I get David all squared away and we head out to the OCMC. As we are cruising down a MN highway, I just remarked to Emilee, “We may have just enough time to stop and grab a coffee” (a must for any early morning in the cold!).  Well just as I mentioned coffee, I noticed a police officer and I looked at my speedometer and said “I’m going to get a ticket.”  Yep, I was speeding. Guilty! And now you’re thinking - great what a way to ruin a morning.  But for some reason, it didn’t really phase me, did I have the time to get the ticket, nope, did I have the extra money to pay for the ticket, nope.  But I knew I had more important things to think about.

So as we departed from the sight of the infraction, I turned up the radio and took off to OCMC.  Neither one of us spoke, and there was no coffee to be had, but we were good and made it to OCMC.  We were on time for our most important mission...getting the teams equipped to go out and share the Gospel.

Our emphasis from training the night before was LOVE - LISTEN - DISCERN - RESPOND.  The Lord had us open in prayer with this verse:

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…”  (1 Cor 3: 4-8)

The morning worship was amazing, the Lord just kept telling me not to worry about anything (as some of you may know I’m a blessed to be a facilitator in training, which means I help organize the teams before we go out during training, and last time we had about 200 people to organize).  As the church filled up the Lord kept saying, keep singing, keep worshipping me, I helped you last time, I’ll help you again.  So I kept singing.  I love singing and the Lord gives me a reason to sing time and time again.  

As 150+ people and 42 teams hit the streets, I was excited.  I was so excited, because I was on a team!  I hadn’t had the opportunity to go out last time, but love when I do and really felt that this morning I was excited to LOVE on people.  Not to mention I had a ROCKSTAR team.  

So our team headed out and went to a local hospital, as we talked and walked we came across Whitley, as she greeted us with a sweet smile, we asked her how we could pray and she said for direction (for her life) and for her God-son.  So we stopped and immediately, I thought the Lord send us to Whitley because He knew her and about her life.  As we sat down we noticed she had a tattoo on her finger, and it said “Love.” It was beautiful.  So as we continued LOVE - LISTEN - DISCERN - RESPOND, Whitley gave her life to the Lord and became confident in her direction.  And the Lord gave all of us a reason to sing.

Praying, that despite all the things the world throws at you, you will remember we have an eternal reason to sing and we have to share it.

Prayer & Obedience (a late post from reviveCOLUMBIAsc)

Prayer and Obedience…

It’s been 3 days since I have been in Columbia, but my heart nonetheless is still there. What an amazing time with friends and fellow believers this past weekend. As our training team, David Maddox, Tony Hicks, Drew Gibbs, and Valita Randolph traveled from a far to come to Columbia, our hearts were to be available to the Spirit of the Lord. Lord, let us hear your heart for this city, let us hear the cries of your people for revival and let us join in their work and labor in faith for what the Lord has in store for Columbia, SC.

As you probably already know the answer to what happened while we traversed through Columbia, I just want to share with you a bit of what happened…

Thursday our team landed and headed to a local coffee shop to just sit and prep and take in the city. It was a fun time of fellowship and of conversation with locals in the shop, it’s always a blessing to get our heads back in the city in which we are going to spend the next few days and what better way to get a pulse then to go be among the people…Next we headed to our Instigators home - H.L. and Janie Allen. Some of you may be asking what denotes an instigator? Well here’s a simple description...at Time to Revive an instigator is someone who is led by the Holy Spirit to pursue and pray for revival in their city and has been led by the Lord to call upon others to join them in that plea...and that’s what H.L. and Janie have devoted themselves to...praying for revival in Columbia, SC.


At dinner that night we were able to pray and talk through what it’s going to take to rally the Church in Columbia, SC. What will allow us to bring people together to share the love of Jesus across this city? Our prayers are simple...Lord we want to see you transform us and the Church. We want to see your love and power manifest and revive this city! What an awesome time together...and we pray your will join us in this prayer!

Friday as we met throughout the city with churches, pastors, and business men, our teams prayed and prayed for the Lord to keep us in His will, Lord what do you want to see happen in Columbia and our prayers were being confirmed, step by step. Friday evening we got to hear testimonies of how the remnant in Columbia had been stepping out in boldness and faith, to share Jesus. 2 Salvations with a team that went out last month from the Greater Columbia Call to Prayer, 4 Salvations at the Giving Table event, another person joining in to pray for the Government in Columbia once a month, another person talking about a time when they shared with someone who didn’t get it, but she later she must have spent time with the Lord and got it because she was seen witnessing her new faith to others, joy and praise when someone shared about the article in Reach Out Columbia titled “It’s time to REVIVE, Columbia” by Marsha Bradberry...what a blessing!!! And through all those I had an even more overwhelming joy at that moment, because a good friend of mine who I met the week of prayer time in Columbia had finally been able to join us for that evening...and so the Lord was just filling everyone’s heart with praise on what He’s doing in Columbia!

Training was a joy and our focus was prayer and obedience. With our (the training team) heart cry being what Luke said in Acts 4:29 - 31 -

29 And now, Lord, look upon their threats and grant to your servants to continue to speak your word with all boldness, 30 while you stretch out your hand to heal, and signs and wonders are performed through the name of your holy servant Jesus.” 31 And when they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness.

Boldness...and what a mighty God we serve, because on Saturday morning as the teams went out after a beautiful time of prayer, the Lord answered those prayers...reviveCOLUMBIA teams went out in boldness and returned to celebrate 14 salvations and later on Sunday 2 baptisms! Praise the Lord!

Will you continue to pray for and pursue revival with us in Columbia, South Carolina?