Identity

I scratched down some notes last night during an evening of prayer and worship. Throughout the evening we talked about many things. But one struck me, it's that we were made to be worshippers and to worship God. 

This means giving Him all credit, giving Him all praise, acknowledging Him above myself. So why don't I do that? 

I started thinking about it, and I don't do that because I worry about other things too much, I don't do it because I let other things get in the way of my worship.

It led me to think, if I am made to worship, then my identity should be in that in which I worship. This is something we all hear tossed around, "your identity should be in Christ." Sounds great, but no one discusses how do I get there?

So last night I scribbled down some notes about my thoughts on my how...

My prayer is that it will help you, and more than anything that I will dwell on worshipping the God who blesses me, who saved my life and loves me more than I can even comprehend! I pray it helps me to understand my identity.

"The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me." John 17:22-23

Gratefulness, thankfulness

So I've been tagged on Facebook to share what I'm thankful for, blah, blah, blah. It's not that I'm against being thankful or I'm not thankful. I am, but who needs to post it all over Facebook?

So then today, a friend told me it's good to focus on gratefulness, again, I agree. But as I sit here tonight I wondered, are they the same thing? So I looked it up, I know you are probably tired of me looking up words and reciting the definition, but I believe knowledge of words and their meanings is a lost practice. And I appreciate re-learning the meanings myself, or sometimes being astounded at how far off my understanding of a word might have been. So here we go!

thank·ful - ˈTHaNGkfəl/
adjective

1. pleased and relieved. "they were thankful that the war was finally over"
2. expressing gratitude and relief. "an earnest and thankful prayer", "she was thankful that the evening was over"

grate·ful - ˈgrātfəl/
adjective

• feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful. "I'm very grateful to you for all your help"

Interesting - thanks Google. Do you notice the slight difference? Being thankful is being "pleased and relieved" whereas being grateful is "feeling or showing appreciation or kindness". Interesting. 

Makes me think about an article I recently read - "Why it doesn't matter how you feel about your friends". The article talks about how we think about, and even pray for our friends, but we don't necessarily reach out to them any more. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and other social outlets allow us to just "think" about them, but not do anything about it. We see their family updates, their new jobs, we like it but we don't really correspond. It's a great read and really spoke to my heart as I'm awful about keeping in touch with friends - ask my friends! My housemate told me she didn't think it would be safe for me to live alone, as I might just go into hibernation! (Sounds amazing right now!)

My point is (yes, I'm sure you were wondering when I would get there), after reading these definitions, I'm convinced of how thankful I am for so many things, but how I am lacking in the gratefulness department. And I know, I'm being a little rough on myself, as it says "feeling or showing appreciation or kindness". But can't you imagine how better off our world would be if instead of just being thankful we actually showed others just how grateful we were?

Isn't that what the Lord desires too? He desires our gratefulness to be shown in our worship to Him. How do we worship? Well, one way is to be grateful and love others well, by showing love to them. Hmmm, not too tricky.

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. (Psalm 100:1-5)

So tonight I'd like to list a few things I'm thankful for and show my gratefulness by sharing this post with the people who generate this feeling in my heart! (in no particular order)

- My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, my refuge, my defender

- My nieces, Zoe and Emma, who make me smile and giggle a lot!

- My brother Michael, who's just cool to talk to and has a cool job - train conductor (so cool!)

- My Mom, who raise me and provided for me as I grew up and is always ready to help

- My Dad, who is a great listener and is always available to hear me out (and you too Chris)

- My sisters, brothers, sister-in-laws, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins - who are just plain lovable, fun, creative and interesting (the whole brood)

- My housemates and my bible study ladies who pray for me, love me unconditionally, challenge me, make me laugh uncontrollably and support me in so many ways

- My best friend Ang, who encourages me and uplifts me and is always there for me (can't wait to see you Ang)

- My best friend Dani who is just plain hilarious and who I miss dearly (and is about to become a mom, so cool!)

- My boyfriend, who's caring, a great communicator and points me and so many others to Jesus (and he's in a rock band!)

- My coworkers and friends through Time to Revive, there's too many to name, but y'all are amazing and I'm so thankful for how you have sharpened me over the past 3 years, it's unbelievable all the things I have seen the Lord do through your prayers and your love- Amazing!

- My friends Cely, Chayo, Angie, Monika, Emily and Isabel - my running buddies & cheer team. I love you each for your huge hearts, your fierce intelligence and your amazing love. I miss the West Coast ladies!

- My prayer warriors - you know who you are - you are amazing, I can't thank you enough for holding me up in prayer!

- My dentist, friend and travel buddy - what's up Doc? You rock and are so fun to hang with at weddings!

I'm sure I've missed some people, there's just to many of you that I am thankful and grateful for, but I pray that you are blessed, not by my words, but by knowing that your love, your time, your laughter, your tears, your texts, phone calls, emails, Facebook messages mean a ton to me! I love you!

Battling Selfishness...

Yes...we are in a battle. All the time. And this weekend (starting on Friday) I felt it more real than I had in a while. My week last week was good, work was good, my relationship with friends was good, my boyfriend was good. I was on cloud nine, then came a dose of some issues.

Now to say these were others issues would be wrong, but what came in conversations with others, in working with others, in trying to love others well, was issues.  My issues!

Yep, in case you didn't know it, I've got issues! Ain't too proud to talk about it, let it all out. And no, I'm not asking for some pity-party, I'd rather have you just pray. Lord knows I need it!

So here are some of the issues that came out of me this weekend, like a rotten smelling fruit:  fear, insecurity, jealousy, need for attention, wanting to be right, control, lack of self-control and selfishness. I could go on, but I think that's enough, for many reasons.

One, the Lord is not asking me to bear the weight of all these issues. Whew?! Because when I do that I tend to mess things up royally. Nope, Jesus came so that I could find refuge in His unfailing, unfaltering, unrestrained love.  

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:37-39)

Secondly, as I move, live and breathe, I have to realize that these issues must be laid at the Lord's feet, that I must give them over each day, minute-by-minute, I must not give up! But trying not to give up does not mean to keep trying other alternatives (believe me I KNOW!). Selfishly, those don't work either, because again, I am not trusting, I am acting out of fear. I want to fix it, I want to make things better, I want the issue to go away. And sometimes, it can't just go away, my words must be chose carefully, and my actions may sometimes heed discipline and responses that I don't want to experience.

So as I write this, and as Ann Voskamp tends to reiterate on her blog/facebook (found here: http://www.aholyexperience.com/), "#preachingthegospeltomyself". So here I am, preaching the Gospel to myself.

It works most of the time, and then the times it doesn't, means I'm trying too hard to force my plans, and not waiting on God's plans. And then I'm reminded of one of my most favorite bible verses:

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it's the Lord's purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21)

Yep, all my scheming, and trying, fixing, planning, talking, I need to let it go. I need to trust that the Lord cares for my issues and is working on soul and that I don't have to do the heavy lifting all the time.

So I pray on this Sunday evening, I will rest, I will rest well, I will sleep and I will wake up tomorrow morning with the clean slate the Lord is ready to hand me. Lord, I trust you. Lord, I believe you. Lord, I need you. Lord, I love you and Lord, I thank you. Amen!