Crappy days happen

Late Post from November 9th. . . 

So today (November 9th) was a crappy day. . .I've been in the dumps and it started last night and then squirmed it's way into my day today.

I know I should be better about this stuff. I should take every thought captive and I should know better. I should pray more, but there are just days were it's crap. . crap. . .crap. . .and more crap.

I feel like crap. . .

But God is good, it wasn't all lost on crap. This morning the Lord ministered to me through the saints of the church, by allowing me to be prayed over, when I was weak. Allowing this sweet, blessed woman to just love on me and give me a vision of how Jesus sees me. It was so sweet, she just couldn't stop hugging me and I couldn't stop hugging her, what a God-send she was. I needed that hug more than anything (and I don't usually like hugs)! I need hugs though, I know that my heavenly Father knows that and for that I'm thankful.

So the Lord has given me the gift of discernment, I didn't ask for it, I didn't know what it meant before three years ago, but He's gifted me with it. I don't like it all the time, especially, as sometimes it leads me to truth that hurts. Or truth that I don't like, or truth that flat out scares me (ever see a demon, well I have and that's wrapped up in that gift of discernment). And through it all, I always know in my heart what's going on, some people call it a gut feeling, others just know. And most of the time, I do a pretty good job of taking every thought captive. And last night I went to war, I was not going to let the enemy win!

For instance, as the enemy tried to attack, I did it, I prayed and I prayed hard. I said Lord, this is the truth, this is your truth, let it reign true, let all things be okay, let it just be the enemy wanting to derail me. So I prayed and I slept, and I got a really good nights sleep. But when I woke, the shaking was still happening. So much so, it followed me to church, where the Lord shook me to my core, and told me. . .you need prayer, you need help and I won't leave you, I promise, I love you, you are a jewel, you are mine, you are chosen. But child, not everyone is going to understand. Let me command your destiny, let me be your provision, let me rule in your heart.

So my day went on and what a numbing day it was. . .numb, that's the word. The Lord knows the desires of my heart, and so does the enemy, and sometimes we can be fooled by things that look close. They look like a gift, but aren't truth. We have to be careful, but we must not stop loving. As we are told to love, and I do that, I do it really well, but I never want to do it so well that I lose sight of God or myself. When I do this, I lose focus and make so many other things my idol, I fail, and in essence, I sin.

BUT GOD. . .

And He said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves in the sight of men, but God knows your hearts; for that which is highly esteemed among men is detestable in the sight of God. - Luke 16:15

I guess the reason I wanted to post this was to keep it real. To let you know that even though smiles abound normally, there are crappy days and thankfully the Lord sees us through each one of them.

May you be blessed and if you are having a crappy day, stop and pray, or message me and I will pray for you!
Love,
kt

Praying for miracles. . .

Written 11/4/14 -

We ask God for a lot of stuff, a lot. Come on now, don't deny it. He's actually asked us to do that. He actually enjoys us coming to him for everything. Thank you Lord.

As I sit here writing, I am interested in learning, is out of all the things we ask for, how many of us truly ask God for a miracle? I'm not talking about answers for this or that, but for God to move that mountain and bring a miracle? I started thinking about it, as I have been pleading with the Lord for a miracle this week.

The new miracle I have been praying for is a miracle to start with, so it's a miracle on top of a miracle so to speak. I've been praying for the last 2 years for this first miracle and so when I heard about it I praised God, because He did it! But now it's moved into a new realm, it needs a miracle on top of a miracle. It's funny how I have qualified it in my mind too. The first miracle wasn't that big of a surprise, I guess it's because I know my God and I believed He could do it. But today, the miracle on top of the miracle, it's taking me farther. Lord I know you can do it, but I want to feel it, I want to see it, I want to taste it.

Lord, I want this miracle for your glory, for your story, for your testimony. Lord I know you can do this, but even my little faith is being stretched. I must confess Lord, I'm growing bold in demanding this miracle, but I'm also wondering how I will be if you don't do it. Will I shy away from you? What words will I say to those who know I've been praying hard for this, how will I defend you? (As if I even need to?) LORD, HELP MY UNBELIEF!

It's silly really, but it's real. I can count on one or two hands, the number of times I have truly beseeched the Lord to move in a miraculous way. Has He ever not answered me the way I wanted? Yes.  Has He ever answered me the way I wanted? Yes. Did I give Him the glory? Yes! He's done both, and through it all I still love Him, but do I trust Him?

My trust in the Lord is challenged almost daily by the will of my mind. It's amazing how faithful our good Father is, and how faithless we can be after all. Through this I have been wondering, why don't we ask for more miracles? I know why I don't. I've discovered it's not because I don't believe God, it's because I don't want to be disappointed, I don't want to be let down and I ultimately don't trust that God knows better than me. Isn't that the truth? Isn't that what holds us back from praying for miracles? From having peace? From publicly acknowledging the God of life?

My heart is heavy this morning, because truly I tell you, the Lord has revealed my struggles to me and ever so sweetly He's working them out in and through me, through my life. But here's why my heart is heavy, I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I still struggle. . .what about those who don't see the light, who are struggling to hang onto themselves. They are struggling to hold onto something that is perishable, something that can fail (out human bodies fail), they are lost without hope. My heart is heavy for those who have set You aside Father. . .for those who know the goodness of Your love, but have lost it, they have lost You, not because You have moved, but because they have gone off and tried to do it alone. I know Father, because I do it. . .ALL THE TIME.

Lord, I say the words, 'hear my prayers' as if it incites me to the front of the line with You, but there is no line, You are as personal to me as You are anyone. You are right beside me as if I am the only child in your entire kingdom, but yet, I can't get that through my head today. Lord I'm praying for a great miracle today. I am begging you to heal, to lay hands on, to save in the name of Jesus, the name of above all names.

Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer. . .