A Psalm of My Own

This last week our Time to Revive team came together for Dallas Days. It was an awesome time of reflecting and praise and team-building. During that time, as a debrief, we were asked to write a Psalm of our own. It could be a Psalm of praise, thanksgiving, lament or confession, or a combo of each. It was a fun exercise and a great way to process what each of us went through and see it from different perspectives. So, I thought I'd share mine with you! If you're wondering what we were processing, it was 52 days of prayer, outreach and serving the Lord in Northern Indiana - check out what the Lord did here: www.reviveINDIANA.org


My Psalm

Lord, You are my refuge and shield
As I walk in the darkness of the unknown, You carried me.

Through the dark room of a photographers studio,
You gave me a glimpse, each day, of the picture You were developing.

My heart and eyes were anxious, my thoughts and fears raced to see the masterpiece.

Lord, my own selfish desires clouded the picture, would I be a part? Was I truly helping? Where were the answers?

And daily Lord, you quieted my fears, you provided my every need. You calmed my anxious soul.

You give me grace to deal with others who put their desires and needs first. And humbled me to do the same.

You wrote names on my heart to pray for, You brought strength and mercy to surround me.

Lord, each day I doubted - You confirmed my place and in and through your word.

Who is man that I should fear?
Who am I but your daughter?

That I should discredit your work in my life, that I should attempt to please others and not you over all!

And in pleasing you Lord, You only ask for Praise!
So as I seek to see this picture I desire above all, 
You gently ask me to leave it and set it on your alter, and look only at Your face Lord.

Lord, you are my refuge and my shield as I walk in the darkness of the unknown, You carry me.

God winks...

This blog has been in the making for quite some time...I've just not thought about how to articulate it. I remember having a conversation with one of my roommates almost 3 years ago (the first year we were roommates) about what I described as winks from God, a parking space, a touch/communication from a friend, an unexpected blessing. And I remember her responding in a way that showed new appreciation, less frustration and more joy - which is what God winks do for me. Selfishly, it made me feel good to help another person see that there are blessings in each day. But I always pray that in helping another, they will learn faster than I did...and can help more people see!

For me, it's a continuous battle to remember that our God is a loving and merciful God, and that through His son Jesus, He has promised to bestow on us more blessings and riches than we can imagine. It's also important to remember that those blessings and riches are according to His glory - Philippians 4:19, not according to this world or even our desires. In my struggle, it's because my mind tends to think of God as a school teacher, grading me on each move I make, always making note of the things I need to fix or change, versus applauding me for the things I'm doing well. (Yes, you can psychoanalyze me now...I'm not afraid to admit I've got issues!)

But when I started thanking God for not just the big miracles in my life, but also for every small blessing in each of my days, I changed my perspective! So while these may seem like small things to you - my God winks get me through the mundane, everyday, and sometimes even rough spots of life. 

Now, do I struggle? Yes, my emotions and flesh take over often, ask the boyfriend and my bible study ladies, but each time they do, I pray and ask the Lord to show me the God winks he sent forth...and I praise Him for that one wink in that day!

So I think for now this blog may evolve, I may add to it, but for now, here's a few notes of my God winks:



2/7/15 - Today - call from the boyfriend, rainbow my friend saw reminding her of God's promises when she needed it (Gen 9:13), lunch at the indian place I like, Smiles and great prayers from the boyfriend, Lord blessing me in prayer time at TTR this a.m.

3/2/15 - Got to go to Haiti! 

3/7/15 - Blessed to eat a this amazing Peruvian restaurant on our way back from Haiti, when it started raining a FREE Trolly passed by and picked us up on our way to the beach, got to dip our toes in the sand in FTL.

3/14/15 - A message on my Instagram from a fellow blogger (check out her BLOG) , text convo with a friend, I sold 2 items on the yard sale group pages - got to pray with one of the buyers - so cool! My roommate gave me a cupcake, more sweet notes from the boyfriend, got to go for a run outdoors, got to read a new book on prayer and spend time listening to the Lord!

Rainy days just aren't the same...

So I've just returned from Haiti, actually Anse-a-Galets on La Gonave Island, which is a small island nestled inside the interior coasts of Haiti. Upon my return, rain has been the theme, for 3 straight days. 

We flew from Haiti to Fort Lauderdale and found there overcast skies and then found ourselves venturing to the beach amidst heavy winds and rain, thankful for a free trolley that passed to give us shelter for a moment. From Fort Lauderdale we returned late to Dallas to rain, then enjoyed our Sunday rest, with more rain, and today as Monday nears evening, it's still raining.

I'm okay with the rain, in fact, the reason I'm writing is because I have a new appreciation for the rain, one that I pray will not soon fade. My new appreciation comes from two things, one my study over the past few months of Permaculture, and two, my recent trip to Haiti. (Check out my pics on Instagram) 

Next to God being my source for life and giving me breath, the next most important thing is water. I do not consider myself a conservationist, a hippie, a naturalist, an environmentalist or a permaculturist...YET. All of these things appeal to me, but I'm a lazy, spoiled person who doesn't have to worry about water, food, transportation, electricity, disease, or much discomfort at all. I mean really...I don't.

I hope you see I'm not bragging here, nor am I knocking anyone, I'm just admitting where I'm at today. And who knows, maybe you need to knock me, go for it, I'm learning and change is sometimes slow and hard. Today is not where I have always been, it's not where I want to stay, I WANT TO CHANGE! I'm a Jesus loving hippie at heart...stuck in a people pleasing flesh that is slowly learning to let go (Lord hear my prayer)! In fact, I haven't used my traditional deodorant in quite a few days and guess what, I don't stink, and all is well. HA! I've also taken a lot less showers in the last year or two, as I'm learning to live more freely and not utilize so many resources.

Anyways, back to the rain...I ran home today looking for pots, buckets, anything in the yard that would collect this rain that was steadily falling down. As I did, I slowly got even more frustrated! I tipped over the pots/buckets we had in the back yard, and have watched them slowly start to collect some water, but more frustrating than that, was watching the water collect on the surface of the soil, puddling. Then, watching it flow effortlessly down the driveway and out into the street, gone...

So why am I frustrated? 

I'm frustrated because I was just in Haiti (the Caribbean) and it looked like a dried up desert, there was lack of water everywhere we went. It was the topic of discussion. Dust and erosion are evident, there's no systems set up to collect the water that does flow during the in 2 prevalent rainy seasons. And you would hardly believe that Haiti gets about 54 inches of rain a year (Dallas gets about 36 inches, just so you can relate). If I showed you the difference in climate, soil and look, you would not believe it. Haiti needs permaculture, heck we all need permaculture, just like we all need Jesus, we just don't know it yet (on either account). 

I'm also frustrated because I have now learned there is a better way! I no longer desire this green grass in my yard, I no longer desire to have a pristine looking shrubbery, I want food, I want water catchment and harvesting systems, I want some ground cover in the front of the house that will actually add nutrients to the soil. I want to figure out a way to stop the run off! I dream of playing in my garden and got so excited to see today that the sheet mulching I did may have protected my plants from the snow and frost...Praise the Lord!

I promise this is not a sales pitch, it's a lesson...for me. I write because I love it, and the Lord has told me to do it. I help others because he's told me the same. One year ago I did not have a clue what permaculture was, and rainy days were pretty much just an inconvenience to this sunshine lover. Today they are beautiful, frustrating and insightful. It's amazing what can happen in a year.

Here's some pics of my yard, and the rain that's running away, at the end of the day, I have some work to do (on the inside and out!)...

#prayforhaiti   #sophaiti   #rainharvesting   #permaculture