Set us free

It's not everyday you meet someone and the Lord gives you just an amazing insight into their hearts. But when it does, and you get to see the Fathers heart, it's amazing. 

That happened today. Just a sweet Saturday with my man, headed to one of our favorite places to grab a salad, and the next thing you know, we're are hearing an amazing testimony.

Now right away you may think we ran I to a fellow believer, sorry to disappoint, but the young man says he's an atheist.

Now don't get sad, the Lord says trust. And so we continued to talk. As he told us he was an atheist, the Holy Spirit told me that he had an immense amount of sorrow in his life, I could see it in his eyes. So I shared that with my man, and he asked him. . ."have you lost someone?" Wow, it's like the floodgates opened, he had lost his parents before he could remember, lost many friends and even lost the love of his life to cancer.

At TTR, where I work, we train people to love, listen, discern and respond. Our loving and listening that day allowed us to discern that this young man needed to know that he was not alone, that he was loved and so that's what we did.

We discerned that we needed to find out more about what he loved, what he enjoyed, why was he work and what was he working for (we're all working for something). As our meal came to an end, my sweet man had told him they needed to hang out, we had found out that he loved to write and that he was open to another visit! Awesome!

The ball is in his hands, as he has our number and contact information, but before we left, he was hugged and encouraged, and I pray he saw a Christ that is loving, not pushy, who listens and cares and will love above all!

Will you pray with me for this young man? Pray that he is encouraged that true love and healing come from Christ.

As we walked away, the Lord told me to pray that he is set free. Lord I pray he's set free and what's even more ironic, shortly after that, I had my own experience with grace and love and come to find out I need to be set free from fear, no new surprise, but just a constant reminder that only Jesus can set us free. 

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

Knowledge gives you wings

So, this past weekend I had the privilege of sitting in on an Earthworks, permaculture class. I've had the chance to learn about permaculture over the past few months. . .by association. 

It's interesting how you know nothing about something and then God just injects your life with new knowledge. . .

With that said, I'm learning a ton! Like this weekend, how to build a swale and ponds. I learned what a berm, a key point, a laser level and much, much more.

Again, I'm just amazed at all the knowledge that is out there in the world, but until it crosses our paths we know nothing of it.

What is the Lord looking to teach you? For me, He's asking me to be silent. And don't laugh since my writing might be construed as being noisy. But He's actually asking me to be quiet with Him, to be quiet in my head, to get to that mountain top with Him, where He can speak to me. How cool!

I'm not there yet, I can't see the top, but I'm climbing, not striving. Or then again, sometimes striving and not climbing. It's a battle, but it's worth it. 

I'm also not yet an expert in permaculture, but I'm learning, more and more as I go.

It's never to late to learn. . .whether it permaculture . . .or discerning the voice of God, get out there and listen up!

"Ignorance is the curse of God; knowledge is the wing wherewith we fly to heaven."

William Shakespeare

Love your neighbor

This past Saturday, I had the privilege to see Jen Hatmaker speak at the Go Girl! Women's Conference at Fellowship Dallas Bible Church. While I did not take notes, therefore I can't possibly begin to redeem her entire message, the parts I did glean from it was to Love your Neighbor. Ya know, a commandment of our Lord and Savior.

Well, sounds great! Right now, I'm loving my little neighbor Kyoshi (my boyfriend's dog) as he sits next to me. Earlier today, I loved my neighbor at the coffee shop while I worked, greeting her politely and allowing her to sit next to me at the community table/lounge area. And early this morning I loved my neighbor (my housemate) by getting out the house so she could sleep (as she's been working nights). So check, done...

Not so fast lady, that's what my conscious says...and then it starts to ask these questions?

• What about your neighbors, the ones in your neighborhood?  Remember when you moved into that great little house, you prayed for them, your prayed for your city and you intentionally tried to create ways to meet them, greet them and have conversations with them?  What happened to that?
• What about the time you offered to help with your neighbors car and have your friend work on it, but you never followed through? Nor did your friend. The entire thing was counted as a blessings, and had led to a great spiritual conversation, but your lack of follow through on the car, probably did not help your testimony of your faith very much.
• What about the time you made cookies for all of them at Christmas - that one time (the first year, this will be Christmas #4 in the hood).
• What about the most recent time when your neighbor fell ill and you promised to look in on her? Maybe help with some meals, etc. . .yep, how well did that go over?

Jesus clearly stated. . . 

". . . and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31New American Standard Bible (NASB)

There is no greater commandment than these. . . whoa, maybe my life is flipped upside down? Maybe the fact that I drive to a ministry each day that focuses on sharing the Gospel across this nation, but I can't get out of my comfort zone to start checking in with and loving on my neighbors, is a big slap in the face to God?

It's been on my mind. And as I write this, I don't know how or what I'm going to do, because I really need the Lord to clear the space and make me move. I just know that he's moving, he's always moving in my life. And this week I'm overwhelmed with the ideas that keep popping into my head, am I serving Him well? Am I doing the Lord's work? Am I loving my neighbor? Am I being a fool for Christ? Am I where He wants me to be? The emotions are raging and I'm asking for His clarity, His plan for me and His confirmation on how to move for Him. Thankfully as I am fluttering about, the one thing I'm not concerned about, is that He who calls me is faithful (Romans 8:28)!

Please pray with and for me as the Lord works this all out, He's moving and He's moving me!

Put that down and stop hitting her!

Sounds like something your mother would tell at you as she tells you to leave your sister alone, doesn't it?

Well tonight as I assess the day, read, pray and digest, it's actually meant for me, and maybe you, and maybe my best friend, maybe even my guy friends? (Insert "stop hitting him") Who knows?

"Put that down. . ." refers to the weight of this world that we carry. Each morning we pick up our mantle, our burdens, our lack of satisfaction, our lack of measuring up. We pick up our guilt, maybe the day before we said something spiteful or hurtful or just plain ignorant to someone. Maybe we avoided them, lied, didn't give them our full attention? Maybe we even allowed them to sin against us and then we entered into their sin, leaving both of us carrying a weight? 

Pause for a moment. . .am I the only one? If so, yay. . .and Lord, hear my cry! Take these things from me Lord, as I repent and I ask for your forgiveness, as I forgive those who I may believe "provoked" me, Lord take them, take this weight.

And not magically, but through His covenant with us as our Savior, He picks them up and carries them away. He gives us the ability to never see them again. Ah, but not me, I wake up as if I'm in that movie Groundhog Day and I repeat my actions from yesterday! UGH! When will I learn?! (Understand now that this is my utterance, not the Lord's)

This is where the ". . .and stop hitting her" comes in. Because you see what I did there? Launched right back into picking up the weight that entangles my soul daily, and then lectured (hit) myself with how foolish I am to do it again! Wash, rinse, repeat. . .this is a daily routine for me, anyways.

STOP! That's not what God intends for us to do. Knowing that we could not follow the law and that we would battle our natural behavior our entire life, He sent Jesus. He sent Jesus to tell us about himself, He sent Jesus to tell us about ourselves and our design. He sent Jesus to tell us about how we are to see ourselves and others through His lense.

Jesus calls us many things, beloved, blessed, sheep without a shepherd, His children, His disciples, His friend, His family, His redeemed, overcomers! Amen!

But, do I wake up each morning calling myself that? Nope, I'd rather use, fat, single, immature, grumpy, messy-haired, out of style, broke, tired, and ultimately defeated, failure. (Feel free to insert the names you use here)

Put that down and stop hitting her!

Geesh! Can we start our mornings a bit differently from here on out? Let's try something new! Let's start with the names Jesus gave us, then let's see if any of those other unmentionables can even get near us!

As one if my favorite songs from the 90's (arguably containing other questionable lyrics, but has to be mentioned here, because it fits well and popped into my head just now) says:

"Regulators...mount up!"

Let's regulate this self deprecation, let's use that powerful inner voice that comes from the Spirit of Jesus that lives within us and let's stop carrying the weight and beating ourselves up! Give it a try and give me some feedback, let me know how it goes.

Blessings!

KT

Identity

I scratched down some notes last night during an evening of prayer and worship. Throughout the evening we talked about many things. But one struck me, it's that we were made to be worshippers and to worship God. 

This means giving Him all credit, giving Him all praise, acknowledging Him above myself. So why don't I do that? 

I started thinking about it, and I don't do that because I worry about other things too much, I don't do it because I let other things get in the way of my worship.

It led me to think, if I am made to worship, then my identity should be in that in which I worship. This is something we all hear tossed around, "your identity should be in Christ." Sounds great, but no one discusses how do I get there?

So last night I scribbled down some notes about my thoughts on my how...

My prayer is that it will help you, and more than anything that I will dwell on worshipping the God who blesses me, who saved my life and loves me more than I can even comprehend! I pray it helps me to understand my identity.

"The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me." John 17:22-23

Gratefulness, thankfulness

So I've been tagged on Facebook to share what I'm thankful for, blah, blah, blah. It's not that I'm against being thankful or I'm not thankful. I am, but who needs to post it all over Facebook?

So then today, a friend told me it's good to focus on gratefulness, again, I agree. But as I sit here tonight I wondered, are they the same thing? So I looked it up, I know you are probably tired of me looking up words and reciting the definition, but I believe knowledge of words and their meanings is a lost practice. And I appreciate re-learning the meanings myself, or sometimes being astounded at how far off my understanding of a word might have been. So here we go!

thank·ful - ˈTHaNGkfəl/
adjective

1. pleased and relieved. "they were thankful that the war was finally over"
2. expressing gratitude and relief. "an earnest and thankful prayer", "she was thankful that the evening was over"

grate·ful - ˈgrātfəl/
adjective

• feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful. "I'm very grateful to you for all your help"

Interesting - thanks Google. Do you notice the slight difference? Being thankful is being "pleased and relieved" whereas being grateful is "feeling or showing appreciation or kindness". Interesting. 

Makes me think about an article I recently read - "Why it doesn't matter how you feel about your friends". The article talks about how we think about, and even pray for our friends, but we don't necessarily reach out to them any more. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and other social outlets allow us to just "think" about them, but not do anything about it. We see their family updates, their new jobs, we like it but we don't really correspond. It's a great read and really spoke to my heart as I'm awful about keeping in touch with friends - ask my friends! My housemate told me she didn't think it would be safe for me to live alone, as I might just go into hibernation! (Sounds amazing right now!)

My point is (yes, I'm sure you were wondering when I would get there), after reading these definitions, I'm convinced of how thankful I am for so many things, but how I am lacking in the gratefulness department. And I know, I'm being a little rough on myself, as it says "feeling or showing appreciation or kindness". But can't you imagine how better off our world would be if instead of just being thankful we actually showed others just how grateful we were?

Isn't that what the Lord desires too? He desires our gratefulness to be shown in our worship to Him. How do we worship? Well, one way is to be grateful and love others well, by showing love to them. Hmmm, not too tricky.

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. (Psalm 100:1-5)

So tonight I'd like to list a few things I'm thankful for and show my gratefulness by sharing this post with the people who generate this feeling in my heart! (in no particular order)

- My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, my refuge, my defender

- My nieces, Zoe and Emma, who make me smile and giggle a lot!

- My brother Michael, who's just cool to talk to and has a cool job - train conductor (so cool!)

- My Mom, who raise me and provided for me as I grew up and is always ready to help

- My Dad, who is a great listener and is always available to hear me out (and you too Chris)

- My sisters, brothers, sister-in-laws, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins - who are just plain lovable, fun, creative and interesting (the whole brood)

- My housemates and my bible study ladies who pray for me, love me unconditionally, challenge me, make me laugh uncontrollably and support me in so many ways

- My best friend Ang, who encourages me and uplifts me and is always there for me (can't wait to see you Ang)

- My best friend Dani who is just plain hilarious and who I miss dearly (and is about to become a mom, so cool!)

- My boyfriend, who's caring, a great communicator and points me and so many others to Jesus (and he's in a rock band!)

- My coworkers and friends through Time to Revive, there's too many to name, but y'all are amazing and I'm so thankful for how you have sharpened me over the past 3 years, it's unbelievable all the things I have seen the Lord do through your prayers and your love- Amazing!

- My friends Cely, Chayo, Angie, Monika, Emily and Isabel - my running buddies & cheer team. I love you each for your huge hearts, your fierce intelligence and your amazing love. I miss the West Coast ladies!

- My prayer warriors - you know who you are - you are amazing, I can't thank you enough for holding me up in prayer!

- My dentist, friend and travel buddy - what's up Doc? You rock and are so fun to hang with at weddings!

I'm sure I've missed some people, there's just to many of you that I am thankful and grateful for, but I pray that you are blessed, not by my words, but by knowing that your love, your time, your laughter, your tears, your texts, phone calls, emails, Facebook messages mean a ton to me! I love you!

Battling Selfishness...

Yes...we are in a battle. All the time. And this weekend (starting on Friday) I felt it more real than I had in a while. My week last week was good, work was good, my relationship with friends was good, my boyfriend was good. I was on cloud nine, then came a dose of some issues.

Now to say these were others issues would be wrong, but what came in conversations with others, in working with others, in trying to love others well, was issues.  My issues!

Yep, in case you didn't know it, I've got issues! Ain't too proud to talk about it, let it all out. And no, I'm not asking for some pity-party, I'd rather have you just pray. Lord knows I need it!

So here are some of the issues that came out of me this weekend, like a rotten smelling fruit:  fear, insecurity, jealousy, need for attention, wanting to be right, control, lack of self-control and selfishness. I could go on, but I think that's enough, for many reasons.

One, the Lord is not asking me to bear the weight of all these issues. Whew?! Because when I do that I tend to mess things up royally. Nope, Jesus came so that I could find refuge in His unfailing, unfaltering, unrestrained love.  

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:37-39)

Secondly, as I move, live and breathe, I have to realize that these issues must be laid at the Lord's feet, that I must give them over each day, minute-by-minute, I must not give up! But trying not to give up does not mean to keep trying other alternatives (believe me I KNOW!). Selfishly, those don't work either, because again, I am not trusting, I am acting out of fear. I want to fix it, I want to make things better, I want the issue to go away. And sometimes, it can't just go away, my words must be chose carefully, and my actions may sometimes heed discipline and responses that I don't want to experience.

So as I write this, and as Ann Voskamp tends to reiterate on her blog/facebook (found here: http://www.aholyexperience.com/), "#preachingthegospeltomyself". So here I am, preaching the Gospel to myself.

It works most of the time, and then the times it doesn't, means I'm trying too hard to force my plans, and not waiting on God's plans. And then I'm reminded of one of my most favorite bible verses:

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it's the Lord's purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21)

Yep, all my scheming, and trying, fixing, planning, talking, I need to let it go. I need to trust that the Lord cares for my issues and is working on soul and that I don't have to do the heavy lifting all the time.

So I pray on this Sunday evening, I will rest, I will rest well, I will sleep and I will wake up tomorrow morning with the clean slate the Lord is ready to hand me. Lord, I trust you. Lord, I believe you. Lord, I need you. Lord, I love you and Lord, I thank you. Amen!