Clean sinks...

Friends...probably ladies...but maybe some men...

This morning as I was standing at the sink, finishing up the dishes...I was thinking about how excited I get when things are clean, when my house is clean, when the dishes are done, the sink is cleaned out and it's all shiny...It gets me thoroughly excited...I feel as if I've accomplished something, that I did something good...

Then I stood there and it hit me...when you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, He alone washes you white as snow...He takes all the dirt, the sin, the scars and He wipes them away...

So that for the rest of our lives we can wake up each morning and revel in that truth- we are clean and shiny, it's done, we don't have to earn it, He completed the task on the cross and all we have to do is believe in Him...but if you're like me you don't wake up thinking like that...

Whew, I got a little bit of goodness that started flowing through me, some revelation! THANK YOU JESUS...I got a little bit more excited than ever about that clean sink today...

Isaiah 1:18 ESV

“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool."

Merry Christmas Reflections

So Christmas just doesn't seem the same this year, I'm missing my family, BUT I'm excited and making new memories with my new Burtner family - which is exciting!  

Today, as I finish up some paperwork, I'm thanking God for His provision...on paper this year seemed impossible, but as I pay my last December bills, I can't believe He provided every step of the way...I haven't received an income in over 4 months. 

While yes, I'm working for SOP, I'm a volunteer, we ALL are...just like I did with TTR in the beginning, I do this because I believe in it, not because it pays me. We are building an amazing organization and as we do all of our proceeds at SOP go back into the organization and back into the Aid & Orphanage Projects...which we are most excited about and Lord-willing there will be a ton more than just Haiti. Permaculture will change the future for so many!

As we build this, I looked for another way to bring in an income. One that would not take away from the flexibility and time I needed to help at SOP. And as you've seen my posts, I'm excited about my It Works direct sales business. Whether I annoy you with my posts or I give you some great samples and introduce you to some awesome all-natural, non-gmo products, you are a part of my journey. So please, even if you're not interested, you are still part of the journey, I have to say, I was a skeptic too, but as I hit my December goals, I'm a believer and as I hear feedback from my first loyal customers, I get excited. God is amazing and He works through so many things!

So, other than giving thanks to God for being my guide and my provision, I want to thank each and every one of you for your thoughts, your likes, your prayers, and your friendship...

My life is super blessed and I can't wait to see all that the Lord does in 2016!

Merry Christmas to each and everyone of you - may the Lord bless you - whether it be in your finances, your family, your children, your job, may you trust Him and in that find the peace and joy that I have found!! Praise JESUS!

Transition

When I was 18 years old, I took a 2 week vacation to Arizona to visit my best friend. This was the summer between my freshman and sophomore year of college. The intent was to reconnect (she has moved away when we were in High School and we had not "hung out" in years. 

Well, after those two weeks, we decided, it would be way cooler if I just joined her in Arizona for school. I mean come on - have you seen Phoenix in the summer? It's so tempting (note the sarcasm!). 

So we concocted a plan that would allow me to "test" it out. I contacted my school and asked if I could do a semester in AZ and then come back and continue on my path there. It wasn't impossible, there were some sacrifices I'd have to make, but if I stayed in shape (my softball coaches instructions) and I returned in 6 months, I would keep my scholarship status and could continue on at the 4 year private college I was currently enrolled in. WOO HOO!

So, off I went to Arizona. I landed in August 1994 and stayed until February 2007 (6 months came and went and I couldn't fathom leaving the desert I fell in love with and the freedom I found there).

Some notes to make, I lied. I lied to my family and friends and told them I had a job, when really I didn't, I just had hope that I could find one. All I had was my best friend and a place to stay and a couple of over stuffed suitcases with clothes (this was before they charged you for luggage).

I lost my scholarship and ended up at a less prominent community college. I was unemployed and broke for a few months before I started working at a local pizza hut. My best friend and I then moved into the city in a furnished, roach infested apartment that brought us so much life and fun and friends, we even named our roaches. I stopped and started school at different times, using all of my financial aid and every resource I could. I ate ridiculous meals, most of the time coming from a vending machine or local gas station, I didn't get a car until after my 21st birthday. I got involved with some amazing people and I also got involved with people who were doing some un-amazing things. I changed majors 2 times, I skipped class a lot to lay in the sun. I dressed like a hippie, a preppy and a punk rocker all in the space of a few years. I tried drugs, all different kinds, I drank alcohol a lot and I did all kinds of crazy diets trying to look good! I pierced my tongue and belly button, but refused tattoos. I lived with my first AZ boyfriend didn't think anything about it. I got "serious" about school and finished up at a satellite campus of ASU. I had relentless faith in God, and would argue that He existed most of the time in deep, drug/alcohol induced conversations (aren't they the deepest?). 

I zoned in on Human Resources in school because I liked people and thought finance was too hard, marketing required too much creativity and international business required a second language which I did not speak. I worked at a national chain restaurant in every position possible to earn as many dollars and cents extra I could, even did their MIT program (bartending by far was my favorite). I smoked cigarettes for about 10 years (sometimes off and on, tried to quit many times - today I'm over 10 years smoke free). I went to concerts, bars, strip clubs even an erotica club a few times (don't worry mom, I just observed). I got an HR internship, became the youngest member on the AZ board of directors, graduated with a pretty good GPA and ended up with a Recruiting Assistant job and went to HR Manager within 2 years of graduating. I went on to get a DUI at one point and spent 24 hours in jail and paid out lots of money to the AZ government. I then went on to work at another start up organization (my internship was a start up - I also learned a great lesson by getting laid off at my first professional job!). I was single and flirty for a long time, I played on a competitive co-ed softball team and then I moved in again with another boyfriend later. I traveled the world while in AZ - all over the US, Mexico and Ireland. 13 years of an amazing life!

Why am I telling you all this? Not really sure...

I think it's sort of a good exercise for me and the way it originated was in me thinking about the transition I'm in now. 

I'm leaving Time to Revive on Friday, it will be my last day. This means I am essentially now without a set income. I am joining another start up non-profit. With that said, I will be able to earn an income as we build it. And starting up an organization as many of my friends and family knows takes some initial (and some time seasonal) sacrifices. 

With that said, I'M SO EXCITED! I'm also nervous...a bit scared and ready!

I'm ready to build, ready to work with my hands, ready to help people through a new found discipline of permaculture, ready to see what the Lord has in store.

One of my life verses is Mark 10:15 (NIV) - "Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”  The reason it's my life verse is because it's where I came from and dwelt for the first half of my life. I did not understand Jesus, I did not understand grace, forgiveness, sin, love, blessings...all I understood was FAITH.

In that, I did not waiver, I understood God existed, I just didn't understand how much he loved me or how to have a relationship with him.  But my faith, was hopeful, it was free, it was unshakeable.

So this is really just a post to me...Lord continue to give me that faith that with you can move mountains, that faith to believe you have everything taken care of, that faith that you will provide and free me from the nervousness and fear that tries to creep up!

Here I am Lord - use me!!!

PS - I believe as we are able to honestly bring our past into the open, bring our previous sin out in the open, it allows us to have freedom from it's bondage...I'm learning to do that and my writing is an outlet for that. So, if you've never heard me speak of some of these things, don't worry, don't feel sad or upset for me - Jesus has rescued me from it all and he's healing me from any damage it's caused. Praise the Lord He's already forgiven me of all of it...and in Christ, I'm free! AMEN!

Serve the Lord

As I read my daily bible reading this morning, I had a lot of A-HA! moments, and I'd just like to share one with you...

2 Chronicles 35:3 NLT -

He issued this order to the Levites, who were to teach all Israel and who had been set apart to serve the Lord: “Put the holy Ark in the Temple that was built by Solomon son of David, the king of Israel. You no longer need to carry it back and forth on your shoulders. Now spend your time serving the Lord your God and his people Israel.

WOW! Isn't that what we are asked to do? To put down our burdens and serve the Lord? To no longer carry them back and forth?

And yet, I can't imagine these laborers...the thoughts running through their minds...what's next? The loss, the feeling of uncertainty...what does this new freedom look like? How do I do this? For how long? Every day...I simply just have to serve the Lord? And not work?

I'm reminded of these verses - they instantly popped in my head:

Psalm 25:4 NIV - 

Show me your ways, Lord,
teach me your paths.

Psalm 86:11 NIV - 

Teach me your way, Lord,
that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.

Our identity must be so wrapped up in Christ that when He asks us to lay something down, we just simply obey.

We trust - we believe - through the struggle of finding our "what's next?"

He will guide and direct us.

Proverbs 3:6 NASB -

In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight

Lord, give me a glimpse of this vision and help me see how to walk it out step-by-step, trusting you ever more. I love you Lord, my strength.

Keepin' on. . .

This is a post that I made last month (June 2015), but didn't get around to posting. In reflecting back and reading it today, it seems like so long ago. As I read it, I'm so thankful that the Lord saw me through. Thank you Lord!

For what it's worth, maybe it's timely for you - my thoughts on a hard week...a hard time. I hope it encourages you, whether you are going through a hard time now, or you are coming out of one, or maybe you just want encouragement for a future hard time?! Whatever the case may be - blessings to you, and thanks for reading!

_______________________________________________________

I've been reading, re-reading and listening to Ephesians these past few days and doing my best to make the best of each day. I have to say, last week was the worst week I've had in a long time, like for real. I felt the enemy right on my heals, pressing down in every direction. Not for any particular reason, but attacking from all sides with a whole bunch of little fiery darts.

I was reminded of this verse:

Ephesians 5:16 - New American Standard Bible (NASB)

16 making the most of your time, because the days are evil.

I was also reminded of this one, as in the pressing we can be aware of the fragrance that we are emitting...thankful for this teaching from my mentor and friend M.E.

2 Corinthians 2:15-16New American Standard Bible (NASB)

15 For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; 16 to the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life. And who is adequate for these things?



What aroma I emitted this week was not pleasant. (Unlike the beautiful aroma I experienced 2 weeks ago. . .fresh cut lavender!)

I've failed, I've yelled back, I've gotten emotional and I've cried a lot. I stunk up the place. And to top it all off, I even got a speeding ticket - icing on the cake. . .leading to another melt-down! I even said my word (wink!).

But you know what? The Lord is good, he's also given me small victories, small blessings in and around each day. . .thank you Lord. He's teaching me to to remember that I'm an overcomer and not a victim. But oh man. . .being a victim is so much easier! 

 But it doesn't feel good. . .it's just comfortable, it's known, it's common. . .

But it feels horrible, who wants to feel sad, out of control, angry and abused, not me. . .but that's where he (the enemy) wants to keep us

But GOD. . .Jesus came to rescue, to heal, to lift us up out of the miry muck...PRAISE THE LORD! I need Jesus, I need His strength, I need His security, I need His love! And He gives it, unconditionally, even when I feel like I can't keep on!

A Psalm of My Own

This last week our Time to Revive team came together for Dallas Days. It was an awesome time of reflecting and praise and team-building. During that time, as a debrief, we were asked to write a Psalm of our own. It could be a Psalm of praise, thanksgiving, lament or confession, or a combo of each. It was a fun exercise and a great way to process what each of us went through and see it from different perspectives. So, I thought I'd share mine with you! If you're wondering what we were processing, it was 52 days of prayer, outreach and serving the Lord in Northern Indiana - check out what the Lord did here: www.reviveINDIANA.org


My Psalm

Lord, You are my refuge and shield
As I walk in the darkness of the unknown, You carried me.

Through the dark room of a photographers studio,
You gave me a glimpse, each day, of the picture You were developing.

My heart and eyes were anxious, my thoughts and fears raced to see the masterpiece.

Lord, my own selfish desires clouded the picture, would I be a part? Was I truly helping? Where were the answers?

And daily Lord, you quieted my fears, you provided my every need. You calmed my anxious soul.

You give me grace to deal with others who put their desires and needs first. And humbled me to do the same.

You wrote names on my heart to pray for, You brought strength and mercy to surround me.

Lord, each day I doubted - You confirmed my place and in and through your word.

Who is man that I should fear?
Who am I but your daughter?

That I should discredit your work in my life, that I should attempt to please others and not you over all!

And in pleasing you Lord, You only ask for Praise!
So as I seek to see this picture I desire above all, 
You gently ask me to leave it and set it on your alter, and look only at Your face Lord.

Lord, you are my refuge and my shield as I walk in the darkness of the unknown, You carry me.

God winks...

This blog has been in the making for quite some time...I've just not thought about how to articulate it. I remember having a conversation with one of my roommates almost 3 years ago (the first year we were roommates) about what I described as winks from God, a parking space, a touch/communication from a friend, an unexpected blessing. And I remember her responding in a way that showed new appreciation, less frustration and more joy - which is what God winks do for me. Selfishly, it made me feel good to help another person see that there are blessings in each day. But I always pray that in helping another, they will learn faster than I did...and can help more people see!

For me, it's a continuous battle to remember that our God is a loving and merciful God, and that through His son Jesus, He has promised to bestow on us more blessings and riches than we can imagine. It's also important to remember that those blessings and riches are according to His glory - Philippians 4:19, not according to this world or even our desires. In my struggle, it's because my mind tends to think of God as a school teacher, grading me on each move I make, always making note of the things I need to fix or change, versus applauding me for the things I'm doing well. (Yes, you can psychoanalyze me now...I'm not afraid to admit I've got issues!)

But when I started thanking God for not just the big miracles in my life, but also for every small blessing in each of my days, I changed my perspective! So while these may seem like small things to you - my God winks get me through the mundane, everyday, and sometimes even rough spots of life. 

Now, do I struggle? Yes, my emotions and flesh take over often, ask the boyfriend and my bible study ladies, but each time they do, I pray and ask the Lord to show me the God winks he sent forth...and I praise Him for that one wink in that day!

So I think for now this blog may evolve, I may add to it, but for now, here's a few notes of my God winks:



2/7/15 - Today - call from the boyfriend, rainbow my friend saw reminding her of God's promises when she needed it (Gen 9:13), lunch at the indian place I like, Smiles and great prayers from the boyfriend, Lord blessing me in prayer time at TTR this a.m.

3/2/15 - Got to go to Haiti! 

3/7/15 - Blessed to eat a this amazing Peruvian restaurant on our way back from Haiti, when it started raining a FREE Trolly passed by and picked us up on our way to the beach, got to dip our toes in the sand in FTL.

3/14/15 - A message on my Instagram from a fellow blogger (check out her BLOG) , text convo with a friend, I sold 2 items on the yard sale group pages - got to pray with one of the buyers - so cool! My roommate gave me a cupcake, more sweet notes from the boyfriend, got to go for a run outdoors, got to read a new book on prayer and spend time listening to the Lord!