God winks...

This blog has been in the making for quite some time...I've just not thought about how to articulate it. I remember having a conversation with one of my roommates almost 3 years ago (the first year we were roommates) about what I described as winks from God, a parking space, a touch/communication from a friend, an unexpected blessing. And I remember her responding in a way that showed new appreciation, less frustration and more joy - which is what God winks do for me. Selfishly, it made me feel good to help another person see that there are blessings in each day. But I always pray that in helping another, they will learn faster than I did...and can help more people see!

For me, it's a continuous battle to remember that our God is a loving and merciful God, and that through His son Jesus, He has promised to bestow on us more blessings and riches than we can imagine. It's also important to remember that those blessings and riches are according to His glory - Philippians 4:19, not according to this world or even our desires. In my struggle, it's because my mind tends to think of God as a school teacher, grading me on each move I make, always making note of the things I need to fix or change, versus applauding me for the things I'm doing well. (Yes, you can psychoanalyze me now...I'm not afraid to admit I've got issues!)

But when I started thanking God for not just the big miracles in my life, but also for every small blessing in each of my days, I changed my perspective! So while these may seem like small things to you - my God winks get me through the mundane, everyday, and sometimes even rough spots of life. 

Now, do I struggle? Yes, my emotions and flesh take over often, ask the boyfriend and my bible study ladies, but each time they do, I pray and ask the Lord to show me the God winks he sent forth...and I praise Him for that one wink in that day!

So I think for now this blog may evolve, I may add to it, but for now, here's a few notes of my God winks:



2/7/15 - Today - call from the boyfriend, rainbow my friend saw reminding her of God's promises when she needed it (Gen 9:13), lunch at the indian place I like, Smiles and great prayers from the boyfriend, Lord blessing me in prayer time at TTR this a.m.

3/2/15 - Got to go to Haiti! 

3/7/15 - Blessed to eat a this amazing Peruvian restaurant on our way back from Haiti, when it started raining a FREE Trolly passed by and picked us up on our way to the beach, got to dip our toes in the sand in FTL.

3/14/15 - A message on my Instagram from a fellow blogger (check out her BLOG) , text convo with a friend, I sold 2 items on the yard sale group pages - got to pray with one of the buyers - so cool! My roommate gave me a cupcake, more sweet notes from the boyfriend, got to go for a run outdoors, got to read a new book on prayer and spend time listening to the Lord!

Rainy days just aren't the same...

So I've just returned from Haiti, actually Anse-a-Galets on La Gonave Island, which is a small island nestled inside the interior coasts of Haiti. Upon my return, rain has been the theme, for 3 straight days. 

We flew from Haiti to Fort Lauderdale and found there overcast skies and then found ourselves venturing to the beach amidst heavy winds and rain, thankful for a free trolley that passed to give us shelter for a moment. From Fort Lauderdale we returned late to Dallas to rain, then enjoyed our Sunday rest, with more rain, and today as Monday nears evening, it's still raining.

I'm okay with the rain, in fact, the reason I'm writing is because I have a new appreciation for the rain, one that I pray will not soon fade. My new appreciation comes from two things, one my study over the past few months of Permaculture, and two, my recent trip to Haiti. (Check out my pics on Instagram) 

Next to God being my source for life and giving me breath, the next most important thing is water. I do not consider myself a conservationist, a hippie, a naturalist, an environmentalist or a permaculturist...YET. All of these things appeal to me, but I'm a lazy, spoiled person who doesn't have to worry about water, food, transportation, electricity, disease, or much discomfort at all. I mean really...I don't.

I hope you see I'm not bragging here, nor am I knocking anyone, I'm just admitting where I'm at today. And who knows, maybe you need to knock me, go for it, I'm learning and change is sometimes slow and hard. Today is not where I have always been, it's not where I want to stay, I WANT TO CHANGE! I'm a Jesus loving hippie at heart...stuck in a people pleasing flesh that is slowly learning to let go (Lord hear my prayer)! In fact, I haven't used my traditional deodorant in quite a few days and guess what, I don't stink, and all is well. HA! I've also taken a lot less showers in the last year or two, as I'm learning to live more freely and not utilize so many resources.

Anyways, back to the rain...I ran home today looking for pots, buckets, anything in the yard that would collect this rain that was steadily falling down. As I did, I slowly got even more frustrated! I tipped over the pots/buckets we had in the back yard, and have watched them slowly start to collect some water, but more frustrating than that, was watching the water collect on the surface of the soil, puddling. Then, watching it flow effortlessly down the driveway and out into the street, gone...

So why am I frustrated? 

I'm frustrated because I was just in Haiti (the Caribbean) and it looked like a dried up desert, there was lack of water everywhere we went. It was the topic of discussion. Dust and erosion are evident, there's no systems set up to collect the water that does flow during the in 2 prevalent rainy seasons. And you would hardly believe that Haiti gets about 54 inches of rain a year (Dallas gets about 36 inches, just so you can relate). If I showed you the difference in climate, soil and look, you would not believe it. Haiti needs permaculture, heck we all need permaculture, just like we all need Jesus, we just don't know it yet (on either account). 

I'm also frustrated because I have now learned there is a better way! I no longer desire this green grass in my yard, I no longer desire to have a pristine looking shrubbery, I want food, I want water catchment and harvesting systems, I want some ground cover in the front of the house that will actually add nutrients to the soil. I want to figure out a way to stop the run off! I dream of playing in my garden and got so excited to see today that the sheet mulching I did may have protected my plants from the snow and frost...Praise the Lord!

I promise this is not a sales pitch, it's a lesson...for me. I write because I love it, and the Lord has told me to do it. I help others because he's told me the same. One year ago I did not have a clue what permaculture was, and rainy days were pretty much just an inconvenience to this sunshine lover. Today they are beautiful, frustrating and insightful. It's amazing what can happen in a year.

Here's some pics of my yard, and the rain that's running away, at the end of the day, I have some work to do (on the inside and out!)...

#prayforhaiti   #sophaiti   #rainharvesting   #permaculture

When you just want to scream. . .

It's been one of those weeks, where I just get caught up in the frustration of everyday tasks, in everyday communication. Where I'm striving to do a good job, but people aren't responding to me. Where I'm working hard, long hours, going above and beyond and no one pays attention. And of course this is all from my own personal, self-centered objective. . .

And so, when I do all that I can to be as clear as I can with my loved ones, my coworkers and the public at large, and the response is more confusion and chaos. . .I GET FRUSTRATED!!!

ARGHHHHH....I just want to scream, over and over!

And here I sit tangled up, mad and frustrated and I'm trying to figure out why? Why do I get this way? Why do others actions have such an impact on me? Why do I lose control of my emotions and feelings? And I know a lot of great book answers, I know a lot of "well, it's probably..." but those thoughts at this moment right here seem to frustrate me more.

What is it Lord, what is it? Remove it Lord, because I obviously don't have the strength to do it. Remove this awful frustrating and even tearful feeling I have right now. And show me Lord your ways, show me why this happens and help me learn how to put it to death.

I'm begging Lord, clean my heart. Holy Spirit, cleanse, because I can't find the problem, Holy Spirit fill me, because I feel emptied by this frustration. Holy Spirit minister to me, because I am tired and too emotional to deal with this right now. Protect others around me from anything I have said and done out of this frustration.

And seriously, friends, if you have any insight, any verse, any thing...I'm all ears, because my heart and soul need an attitude adjustment. (Obviously)

A work in progress,
kt

Hawks and the providence of God

So over the holiday season, the boyfriend and I drove back to Indiana to visit with my family and take a little sabbatical. We had a great time, we visited, celebrated Christmas, visited some more, shot guns, rode four-wheelers, slept more than usual, ate more than usual, all around it was a great trip.

But one of the cool things that this sabbatical included, was the chance to see some wildlife. On our way there, we saw deer as we drove through Arkansas, and if you haven't ever driven through Arkansas, watch out - there's lots of deer (a least on the dozens of times I've gone through it!).  We saw geese and other migratory birds feasting in barren fields, we saw more deer, raccoons, and opossums (and yes some of this was roadkill - that counts right?). But one creature I kept seeing over, and over, and over again. . .was a hawk. Not the same one, but multiples and at multiple times. They seemed to be everywhere and all along our trip. As I would call them out to the boyfriend, he didn't catch the first few, but then he noticed them too.

So this got me to wondering - a lot! I wondered what the hawk represented. I thought back to times in my life where birds in general were sort of a sign between me and God that he was right there with me. I used to spot birds as I was driving that were tracking right with me - literally - they were flying as if they were following or paralleling my cars' route - I'm serious! At first I would take notice and wonder, is this for real? Then I would just smile and know that the Lord was with me.

On our drive back to Dallas, I finally did a little google search, I love the googles. And what I found was beautiful. And whether or not you are a believer, I am, and I chose to believe that God still speaks to us today, to me personally, through all of His creation. So check out what I found.

• I typed in the google search "Hawk in the Bible"
• The first thing that returned was this link from BibleHub, I encourage you to read it: 
• http://biblehub.com/topical/h/hawk.htm
• From there, I looked up some of the verses highlighted, but the one I looked at the most was this one:
• Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars, stretching his wings toward the south? - Job 29:36
• In reading the context of this verse, it's when God is speaking to Job, reminding Job that He is God, He is in control. And Job believed this, but needed to be reminded in his time of trouble.
• And then from there, I spotted this line on the BibleHub page:
• "in its migrations, it illustrates the wise providence of the Creator"
• WOW! Now the boyfriend asked "What exactly does providence mean?" - great question. So the investigative journey continued. (I hope you're enjoying the thought process on this, sometimes, as I've stated before, it's good to dig and look up definitions)
• So next up. . .definition of PROVIDENCE:
• Here's a link (click the image), but I couldn't pick out just one piece so here's a picture too:

WOW! I'm so thankful how God uses people in our lives to push us just a little bit further - thanks boyfriend! This was all beginning to make a lot of sense, and it was lining up with all my prayers during this time.

"The foreseeing care and guidance of God. . ." 

At this time my life, come January 1, was about to make a HUGE shift! The Lord had been speaking to me clearly from July - September about taking a rest. He clearly didn't articulate what that meant, but I could not have believed how it would come about. Starting January 1, it was coming, ready or not! I was going to be going part-time at the ministry I work for, I had said yes to traveling more with the boyfriend and helping him with his organization, I was taking a cut in pay, I was bound and determined to work on spending more time with the Lord and learning how to REST in His presence. All of this was scary, I also had lots of details that were not worked out. . . pay, for instance, how would the Lord finance this rest, how would my time and travel look with the ministry, how would my time with the boyfriend look, would it put too much pressure on our relationship? How would others respond, would they believe my word from the Lord? Would they support me in prayer? How would I tell my family? (Still haven't told them all, whoops!?!). I also had decisions bearing down on me about church, home group, etc. LIFE! AHHHH!!!

BUT GOD! I know, I think I write this in every post, but WOW! He was totally speaking to me. . .the hawks were a foreshadow into the year, to let me know that He was divinely guiding, caring and lifting me over these worries and concerns! Hallelujah. . .thank you Lord just didn't seem enough at the time. I believe it made me tear up a bit on that drive home, but it also brought me some much needed peace. He would carry me. 

So here I am, three weeks into this new year, and the details are still not worked out, but as it also says in scripture, "He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken." Psalm 62:2. So I'm going to buckle up and enjoy the ride! Please, as you are led, pray for the details, pray for the continued peace, and pray for all involved in this transition, as I love them each dearly and am so thankful and grateful!

I got nothin...

Ever have those days...where you just feel like you've got nothin? Nothin good to say, nothin good to contribute, nothin good to do?

Well, I know that it's not true, I know good and well I got somethin that no one else has. . . and so do you!

Sometimes, though, these days have to happen. Why? I don't know, probably because the angel that was assigned over me got tired, sleepy and sat down for a bit. And that enemy, little bugger, snuck in with his crazy lies. Attacking my heart and brain. 

Other times, I think God does it so we will ask Him for help. 

Other times, I think it's just a time to be quiet and not think. Which is SO HARD FOR ME TO DO!

Whatever the reason, do not fear (which is written in the bible over 300+ times), for the Lord your God (the Lord of heaven's armies) is on His way! On His way to rescue, redeem, uplift, inhabit, give joy, bring peace, and fill you with love! And I believe He's going to do that for me. . . now. . . maybe now . . . okay maybe I will need to give it a few more minutes.

But I've learned that retraining my brain to look forward to the next A HA! moment is more fun that just sulking in the I got nothin moments. . . 

What do you think?

Refreshing...

Today is a day of refreshing. . .

It's January 2, 2015. I woke up this morning in my cozy and beautiful home (yes, I'm blessed, I'll be the first to admit it!) and my sleep app stated that I achieved 100% sleep quality! Now, if that's not a sign of how awesome this new year is going to be, then I don't know what is - AMAZING!

Next, I read my bible and I thought about the beautiful words I read and I just reveled in the idea that a new year inclines my heart to dream about new things that the Lord is going to do in my life and through my life, I got excited.

Then, I moved onto those things which make my heart happy, cleaning, organizing, facebooking, cleaning, rearranging, purging, organizing, catching up with my roommate, drinking coffee, facebooking, organizing...shoot, mentioned that already.

View from my workspace in my room!

I even wrote thank you cards, amazed myself with that feat. And did a load of laundry and unpacked my suitcase. 

It's now about 4 p.m., and I have not yet made it out of my pj's, I'm enjoying a cup of tea and I feel refreshed.

I pray that as you are getting a jumpstart to your weekend - the first one of the new year - you are feeling refreshed. 

"For I will satisfy the weary ones and refresh everyone who languishes" - Jeremiah 31:25

Love and blessings. . . 

You are a good God and I trust you...

A few weeks ago, at a concert, I heard these words come from the singer as they paused a moment to pray during their performance:

"You are a good God and I trust you. . ."

It's a simple phrase, but it has had a profound affect on me. If I've mentioned it before, I apologize, it's still gripping me. Actually, it's helping to transform me, day-by-day. Not the phrase, but the way the Holy Spirit is using it as a tool to convey truth in my life.

A simple search of the term "God is good" returns a few scriptures that back this up:

"Give thanks for the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever." Psalm 136:1

"For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving." 1 Timothy 4:4

"You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees." Psalm 119:68

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

Okay, so you get the point. Or maybe now I get it. God is good!

Now the next part is the trust component. Tonight, I'm reading an article that talks about "Eve's Daddy Issues. . ." basically identifying that even girls that never had daddy issues, can blame Eve since the beginning of time for trust issues - HA! No. . .what it's saying is there's a heart issue, and any woman can have this heart issue. If you don't trust your dad, your brother, your friend, your boyfriend, or your husband. . .you ultimately don't trust your Father in heaven. TRUTH.

But here's a part of this article I really like:

"Ultimately, we're not failing to trust the men in our lives, since we've never been called to trust them (Ps. 146:3-5); we're failing to trust the One who gave them to us. 

No earthly home can be secure enough to satisfy the fears of a heart that hasn't learned that ultimately security is found in the Almighty." - Jasmin Holmes

(link to full article - http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/eves-daddy-issues-and-ours)

Anyways, I'm just fleshing this out with y'all here. I'm learning to trust God more each day. I'm learning to believe that He is ultimately for me and that He wants good to come out of my life. I imaging Him for a minute as my one man cheering section (and sometimes it feels like he's the only one). He's the fanatical fan with the KT ROCKS sweatshirt on, green afro (has to be green), purple jumpsuit yelling you can do it! HA! It's fun to imagine. The point is, He's always cheering for me, sometimes the crowd is so loud, I just can't hear him. 

He's also working on my heart, and as I lean in, as I trust Him more, He changes my perspective. He lets me know I'm awesome, I'm created in His image. I am the righteousness of Christ, I'm a crown jewel, I am in His hands, I'm a catch, I'm a blessing, People want to listen to me and be around me, I am a beautiful, I'm a co-heir in Christ, I'm saved, I'm redeemed and tonight. . .I'm blessed and humbled to call Him my Father. Thank you Lord for cheering me on and never missing a game!