Paying it Forward...

What a blessing the last two days have been, yesterday I was found feeling like a little kid, thanks to an old HR/Recruiting acquaintance, Facebook friend, and her sweet spirit, I have a Fitbit! I'm so excited to get to stepping - well being the list person I am - I'm more excited to check the app and track things! Thanks to all y'all who offered up one, I am truly blessed.

Then, today, baby girl and I went shopping and as we stood at the check out line our card did not go through, this has happened on occasion and it's embarrassing. I have to move aside with all our stuff and frantically call my husband to move money into our account, hoping we have it! I called and it kept going to voicemail, then he texted and said he couldn't talk right then, which meant he's on the other line, working hard...UGH!!! Well, as I stood there praying I could get him texted quickly, the woman behind us said, don't worry, I will take care of it and just like that she paid our $100 grocery bill - I WAS IN SHOCK - I cried, then baby girl and I praised the Lord and thanked her. Next we asked her her name and how we could pray for her, she said her name was Allison and to pray for her 3 kids and her grandchildren... WOW! Baby girl and I prayed all the way out the store and even in the parking lot as I kept crying...What a blessing, it's amazing to me, I just kept sitting there thinking, she didn't ask questions, she didn't make a big deal of it, she didn't judge - she just took care of it. Isn't that how God is? He just takes care of it, because of His son Jesus, He no longer asks if we deserve it or if we need it, He gives us His best. Thank you Lord!

On a side note, here we are in December and yesterday I was reflecting on how much I have really stuck to my goal to not buy anything new for me. I said I would ask, borrow, find at a resale shop or if I happened to be given a gift card that would be the exception...

Again that's how I got my Fitbit (as stated above) and a few other nice items, by asking my online community or my in person community. I've also gotten a couple of new pairs of jeans, a new pair of tennis shoes, and 3 new shirts all with gift cards/as gifts...But for me, I didn't purchase anything new - and I was able to rid out quite a bit (still have a long ways to go - it's an ongoing process - my trunk is currently full of stuff to drop with friends or at Good Will).

As I reflect on this goal, it was much easier than I thought, much easier. We really are blessed people, with probably more than we ever need, this goal just helped me see that life can/will go on without all the things. And then the days where someone gives me a cart of groceries for free, I just look up to the Lord and say thanks and kick myself for ever being so worried that we won't have what we need. He is our PROVIDER and He's blessed me so much with testimonies like this.

With love, kb

Lists for Happiness

My birthday was in September, and I have to say it was possibly one of the worst birthdays ever, at least in my experience. And it wasn't just because I felt old, there were a lot of other things at play. My bs ladies made the best of it and I was able to go out for dinner for the first time ever without little one. It was a monumental moment, adult beverages and conversation and everything! So it wasn't all bad.

Why do I bring it up? Because one of the bs ladies got me a sweet gift, a book called '52 lists for happiness' - it's a journal. The concept is that you complete a new list and then reflect on it for a week. You do this once a week for a year, then voila - happiness - HA! Just kidding, but it's a great cleansing and focused process of getting you to reflect on things that make you happy or things that could be holding you back from being happy.

Well, I'm enjoying it to say the least. I'm a list person. Seriously - nothing works better for me organizationally than making a list. I've tried reminders on my phone, I've tried a multitude of planners, and calendars, but lists by far work the best. Simple paper, pen and lists.  I must see it to really get to work on it - out of sight out of mind is definitely a hazard to me.

This week's list has me a bit stumped - even though a few others stumped me good too, this one I've not been able to even start. So what's the topic? "List the things (from your past and present) that feel like blockades in the way of happiness"

Hmmm...

Well just sitting here now I thought of the first thing...and it's a material/organizational thing, having to do with our home. So it's not a life/death thing, but it definitely can hold me back. Whew - maybe just writing this blog helped me find that out.

But I can't really think of another thing...

How about you? It's a great question to ponder...and a great challenge to overcome. I'll share more insights from the cool book in the future. For now...have a great week!

Feeling deflated...

These past few days I've been making a to do list at night - as a recommendation from something I read - it's been working out well - I've been getting lots of things done - I've also been staying up and working a bit each night...but today - I have zero motivation...I literally just stared at the computer for like 5 minutes...and then went to Facebook and trolled which is super productive as we all know.


So I decided to write a little, fact of the matter is, I had a rough day, me and the hubs drove each other to crazy and it wasn't fun, married life is not for wimps, it's hard. I guess what gets me the most is how much it deflates me, wears me out, kills my joy, makes me feel like doing nothing but sitting around and being lazy.


And that's not who I am - dammit...


It's frustrating to say the least and I'm sure the hubs would have a lot to say too - I'm not easy to deal with - at least that's what I've been told. But life is not easy to deal with. Today at church we talked about how we are to be Spirit led and unfortunately we are feeling led...and that's right where I am.


I feel like crap, I'm sad, I'm frustrated, I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm tired, I'm unmotivated and I'm worried, anxious, lonely, did I mention sad...well there - that's what's happening...the Spirit in me is sucked dry...


So how do we replenish? Sleep, that's a good one. Starting over. Prayer. Fresh air. A shower. A green juice. A glass of wine. A run. A fitness class. A blog.


My to do list is made for morning. I'm not going to get anything accomplished tonight. I must sit back, relax and remind myself tomorrow is a new day. Full of new lists, new accomplishments and new opportunities. And pray...I have to pray. And if you pray, pray with me...pray for me, pray for us, pray for marriages everywhere - because they are not for wimps.


I wish I had some inspiring things to say, but I'm working on being real, in being more transparent, in telling the truth instead of just trying to pump myself and others up. Take it how you like. Such is life.


I saw a button today on a worker at Whole Foods which said "Shiitake Happens" - I need this in a t-shirt...

Marriage Advice...

I read a quote today that if you build a strong foundation for your marriage, it will withstand anything...especially the schemes of the devil that try to pull you apart.

If there's one thing I've noticed in marriage, the devil is all over the place, pulling, tugging, annoying, reminding, forgetting, infuriating, and meddling where he shouldn't be.

So how do you build a strong foundation...no seriously, how?

And don't give me the sweet christian answer of "on Jesus" - I'm tired of the goody, goody answers. Don't worry, I'm not bashing Jesus, I need Him everyday and especially in my marriage, but in this case, I need some meat and potatoes to sink my teeth into, because as I've heard it said before "marriage is not for wimps". Think more tactical, more proactive, more what you've done that's worked, or what you've done that didn't work...that'd be fun too.

So here's my two cents for those reading this that aren't married. If you are praying and desiring a marriage, think about all the things that you are dreaming of, then think of the opposites. For example, cuddling and sleeping together every night oh so dreamy...the opposite...sleeping in separate rooms and not talking because you can hardly stand the site of each other. Why think of something so terrible? Because that's how you prepare for all the ups and downs in marriage...and you need to be better prepared. Life is hard...then you add jobs, finances, kids, in laws, family, travel, unexpected expenses, other people? You get the point, but no one talks about the hard stuff, they only talk about the dreamy stuff. How will you handle a fight, how will you handle many fights? How will your spouse handle them? These are great questions.

I'm not trying to be a Debbie downer here (no offense to Debbie) - but "marriage is not for wimps" right? So, let's get back to how you build that foundation...no fluff please! Leave me your advice because I'm curious! And when you do, tell me how many years you've been married...and/or how many times, not because I'm going to judge you (not publicly anyways), just because I'd be curious to know.

Everyone has a testimony...

I had what my husband calls "a download" this morning...so let me share it here with you.

I know many people that have tremendous testimonies or stories...and as it says in the bible, I truly believe the scripture that says:

Revelation 12:11 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

11 And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death.

And to that end, I love hearing stories of over comers...but here's the deal...I hear SO MANY testimonies and I hear the differences in where people are with their testimony - heck - even I am at a different stage with different parts of my testimony - because I'm constantly being renewed and refreshed and sanctified...

But there's something the Lord downloaded to me this morning...there are two roles in testimony sharing - the person sharing the testimony and the person hearing the testimony.

Both roles have a responsibility and we must be aware of this...gosh - my brain just went into a whole other sermon - there's multiple things to think about when you are sharing your testimony and maybe I'll make another post about that - but for now let's stick to this one.

When you share - you must think about where you are in your story and BE HONEST. I hear so many testimonies that are not sharing in order to GLORIFY GOD, but are sharing in order to GAIN SYMPATHY because they have not yet passed over or overcame the hurt in their story. I don't believe that this is what the Lord desires. This is, I hate to say, manipulative and selfish, and if I were free of this myself I would feel bad in saying it so harshly, but I can't in good conscience say I have never wanted peoples sympathy when I shared...but I need to ask this...

Why? Because I should not be sharing to get anything out of it...I should be sharing TO GIVE ALL GLORY TO GOD! And so should you - and I know some of you do - and you are the ones that inspire me...thank you! You are sharing from a humble heart attitude that knows God did this, this is God's story - not my story...it's his - ALL OF IT. And gosh I really need to do some self examination myself on this one.

But there's more - the way the Lord brought this to me is by listening to the hurt and heart ache in another's story - and I started to take on that hurt and take on that heartache and the Lord said STOP. This person sharing has not overcome this, has not handed this over to me, has not shared from a humble heart but is trying to manipulate you and others. Now I could have easily been upset with this person, but that's not what the Lord was trying to say. The Lord was giving me discernment to guard my heart, to guard my mind, to protect me for bearing a burden that was not mine.

WOW - that's insight, that's wisdom, that's discernment.

I think we all need to think about this - we need to hear each others stories and encourage each other to share, but we also need to be alert and know that what the enemy may intend for bad - GOD intends FOR GOOD...so we have to let it all rest with him, He is the burden-bearer...He is the one that is meant to be glorified through all things.

So I pray today that you set down any story you've picked up and that you examine your story as well, like I said, I need to look at how/when I tell mine and what is my motivation - is it for His glory or for my selfish needs?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this...