Freedom is tearing us apart...

I'm thankful I live in a country where each of us can have an opinion, we can share that opinion and we can practice that opinion...we can say it boldly, loudly, repeatedly...it's quite amazing and I'm even inspired by so many of my friends who speak out..even if I don't agree with them.

I'm sad to see these opinions tearing us apart, enraging us as communities and truly causing so much destruction...

I don't know what the answer is, but my silence is not ignorance, it's not acceptance and it's not a giving up...

Of course for me, I'm praying...I'm reading...I'm researching and I think most of all, I'm trying to focus on joy.

In my journey of becoming a mother, so many people have said to me that it goes by in a blink of an eye. To my parents my life has gone by in the blink of an eye, my daughter is growing and it's going by fast as well.

I want to leave a legacy of love...I want to leave a legacy of accepting people and their differences and showing them love anyways. I don't want my daughter to look back and remember a time when I was "off-color", unloving, judgmental or even fearful of others.

It's a tall order...and I can't do it on my own because I can be unloving, I can be judgmental and I can be fearful and maybe even off-color...

Many of my friends do not know me well enough to know my positions/thoughts on things. We haven't had the discussions, the deep dives into debate, into politics, religion and I'm guessing many have a wrong idea or preconceived notion about what I believe.

Here's the thing, I can't say I haven't done the same thing - that I haven't put you in a box at some point in time...it happens. And when it doesn't...it's because I'm fully alive and fully functioning in the Spirit and mind of Christ. And that's a challenge, not because of Jesus, not because of my beliefs, but because of my sin nature... My nature that chooses not to read the word of God, my sin nature that chooses not to pray, my sin nature that keeps me inside of myself instead of in community. My sin nature that lets fear keep me from loving others who are different. My sin nature that forgets that God has my back (and my front and all of me). My sin nature that wants what I want, not what God wants...

In reading this and thinking on this I can get overwhelmed with a to do list, I start thinking about all the articles to read the initiatives to follow the posts to respond to, the memes to share, things to write, books to read...thankfully my biggest to do is to get with God...

Galatians 5 (read the ENTIRE Chapter) and I'll leave you with this:

Galatians 5:22

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited,provoking and envying each other.

Faithful's Five month Friday!

Yesterday our little one turned 5 months old on a Friday and her name is Faithful...so all day long we called it "Faithful's Five month Friday" - we do silly things like that around here.

What a five months it's been, we love our little angel and she's so full of love and happiness and joy. God blessed us with the sweetest girl, she's got the best demeanor, she's interested in everything, she love to learn, she loves to be a part of the conversations and touch everything, in the house, in the garden, she loves to watch the leaves on the trees dance in the wind, she loves snuggles with mom and loves talks and giggles with dad, she loves when dad plays guitar and sings to her, she's full of love. She's rolling over and scooting on her back, she's attempting to jump out of her swing/bouncy chair and to sit up...watch out world!

While I haven't done a monthly picture, I don't do as much on my phone as I used to, I usually have my hands full with baby, I just wanted to document some of her loves.

Yesterday she did a new thing, which it seems like daily there's a new thing - but this one is fun, she's trying to repeat what we are doing, so yesterday she tried to make the same noises I was making to her and this went on all day - I know it's just the beginning, but it was SUPER fun...

We can't wait for all the firsts and all the fun! What a blessing you are Faithful! So thankful God gave you to us! We love you!

Yep...I'm still pregnant!

So the hubs and I laugh every time we walk into our local grocery store, juice shop or even church at this point...because everyone exclaims...Where's that baby? Or they give us a look...

So today we decided - I need a T-Shirt that reads - Yep! I'm still pregnant!!! LOL!

This is the closest I could find:

We just laugh it off though - but there's gotta be a market for this shirt - anyone want to launch? I want royalties! YEP! Still Pregnant!!!

Anyways - when it comes to birthing naturally, you may naturally have to wait. And waiting for this impatient lady is no fun for momma...

I hate waiting for anything, but what I do know is that patience is truly a virtue and that I am blessed because daily I have a husband that takes my frown and turns it upside down...He's amazing and has continually made me focus on all that is good, all that is true and all that is right! We pray, we refocus, he may do a little dance or sing a little song, anything to get my from navel gazing (literally) and gets me focused on goodness.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not depressed, angry, but I have been (from day to day) a little irritable...(pray for my husband).

While we can't wait to meet our baby girl - we are just blessed to know she's happy, she's healthy and she's going to be stubborn just like her mom and dad...

I can't tell you how thankful we are fall all the calls, texts, messages, etc that we receive daily - we have an amazing network of people who are sending us prayers, thoughts, gifts and pure goodness.

Baby girl - you are going to be so loved...and we can't wait to meet you! (41 weeks and 3 days ) - I just went to look at the days on my pregnancy app - and it cracks me up - it says:

"41 weeks and beyond...
"Baby is the size of a Pumpkin - you are officially overdue!"

Nah - really? - Everyday - I find something new to giggle about...and today it's this!
Oh and can I tell you - I've never had so many people tell me to have sex...I know it's all in love, and I'm thankful for the advice, but it cracks me up...strangers even...

Baby delivering is serious business! And we are ready to enjoy every minute of it...
Be blessed today!

Keepin' on. . .

This is a post that I made last month (June 2015), but didn't get around to posting. In reflecting back and reading it today, it seems like so long ago. As I read it, I'm so thankful that the Lord saw me through. Thank you Lord!

For what it's worth, maybe it's timely for you - my thoughts on a hard week...a hard time. I hope it encourages you, whether you are going through a hard time now, or you are coming out of one, or maybe you just want encouragement for a future hard time?! Whatever the case may be - blessings to you, and thanks for reading!

_______________________________________________________

I've been reading, re-reading and listening to Ephesians these past few days and doing my best to make the best of each day. I have to say, last week was the worst week I've had in a long time, like for real. I felt the enemy right on my heals, pressing down in every direction. Not for any particular reason, but attacking from all sides with a whole bunch of little fiery darts.

I was reminded of this verse:

Ephesians 5:16 - New American Standard Bible (NASB)

16 making the most of your time, because the days are evil.

I was also reminded of this one, as in the pressing we can be aware of the fragrance that we are emitting...thankful for this teaching from my mentor and friend M.E.

2 Corinthians 2:15-16New American Standard Bible (NASB)

15 For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; 16 to the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life. And who is adequate for these things?



What aroma I emitted this week was not pleasant. (Unlike the beautiful aroma I experienced 2 weeks ago. . .fresh cut lavender!)

I've failed, I've yelled back, I've gotten emotional and I've cried a lot. I stunk up the place. And to top it all off, I even got a speeding ticket - icing on the cake. . .leading to another melt-down! I even said my word (wink!).

But you know what? The Lord is good, he's also given me small victories, small blessings in and around each day. . .thank you Lord. He's teaching me to to remember that I'm an overcomer and not a victim. But oh man. . .being a victim is so much easier! 

 But it doesn't feel good. . .it's just comfortable, it's known, it's common. . .

But it feels horrible, who wants to feel sad, out of control, angry and abused, not me. . .but that's where he (the enemy) wants to keep us

But GOD. . .Jesus came to rescue, to heal, to lift us up out of the miry muck...PRAISE THE LORD! I need Jesus, I need His strength, I need His security, I need His love! And He gives it, unconditionally, even when I feel like I can't keep on!

A Psalm of My Own

This last week our Time to Revive team came together for Dallas Days. It was an awesome time of reflecting and praise and team-building. During that time, as a debrief, we were asked to write a Psalm of our own. It could be a Psalm of praise, thanksgiving, lament or confession, or a combo of each. It was a fun exercise and a great way to process what each of us went through and see it from different perspectives. So, I thought I'd share mine with you! If you're wondering what we were processing, it was 52 days of prayer, outreach and serving the Lord in Northern Indiana - check out what the Lord did here: www.reviveINDIANA.org


My Psalm

Lord, You are my refuge and shield
As I walk in the darkness of the unknown, You carried me.

Through the dark room of a photographers studio,
You gave me a glimpse, each day, of the picture You were developing.

My heart and eyes were anxious, my thoughts and fears raced to see the masterpiece.

Lord, my own selfish desires clouded the picture, would I be a part? Was I truly helping? Where were the answers?

And daily Lord, you quieted my fears, you provided my every need. You calmed my anxious soul.

You give me grace to deal with others who put their desires and needs first. And humbled me to do the same.

You wrote names on my heart to pray for, You brought strength and mercy to surround me.

Lord, each day I doubted - You confirmed my place and in and through your word.

Who is man that I should fear?
Who am I but your daughter?

That I should discredit your work in my life, that I should attempt to please others and not you over all!

And in pleasing you Lord, You only ask for Praise!
So as I seek to see this picture I desire above all, 
You gently ask me to leave it and set it on your alter, and look only at Your face Lord.

Lord, you are my refuge and my shield as I walk in the darkness of the unknown, You carry me.

God winks...

This blog has been in the making for quite some time...I've just not thought about how to articulate it. I remember having a conversation with one of my roommates almost 3 years ago (the first year we were roommates) about what I described as winks from God, a parking space, a touch/communication from a friend, an unexpected blessing. And I remember her responding in a way that showed new appreciation, less frustration and more joy - which is what God winks do for me. Selfishly, it made me feel good to help another person see that there are blessings in each day. But I always pray that in helping another, they will learn faster than I did...and can help more people see!

For me, it's a continuous battle to remember that our God is a loving and merciful God, and that through His son Jesus, He has promised to bestow on us more blessings and riches than we can imagine. It's also important to remember that those blessings and riches are according to His glory - Philippians 4:19, not according to this world or even our desires. In my struggle, it's because my mind tends to think of God as a school teacher, grading me on each move I make, always making note of the things I need to fix or change, versus applauding me for the things I'm doing well. (Yes, you can psychoanalyze me now...I'm not afraid to admit I've got issues!)

But when I started thanking God for not just the big miracles in my life, but also for every small blessing in each of my days, I changed my perspective! So while these may seem like small things to you - my God winks get me through the mundane, everyday, and sometimes even rough spots of life. 

Now, do I struggle? Yes, my emotions and flesh take over often, ask the boyfriend and my bible study ladies, but each time they do, I pray and ask the Lord to show me the God winks he sent forth...and I praise Him for that one wink in that day!

So I think for now this blog may evolve, I may add to it, but for now, here's a few notes of my God winks:



2/7/15 - Today - call from the boyfriend, rainbow my friend saw reminding her of God's promises when she needed it (Gen 9:13), lunch at the indian place I like, Smiles and great prayers from the boyfriend, Lord blessing me in prayer time at TTR this a.m.

3/2/15 - Got to go to Haiti! 

3/7/15 - Blessed to eat a this amazing Peruvian restaurant on our way back from Haiti, when it started raining a FREE Trolly passed by and picked us up on our way to the beach, got to dip our toes in the sand in FTL.

3/14/15 - A message on my Instagram from a fellow blogger (check out her BLOG) , text convo with a friend, I sold 2 items on the yard sale group pages - got to pray with one of the buyers - so cool! My roommate gave me a cupcake, more sweet notes from the boyfriend, got to go for a run outdoors, got to read a new book on prayer and spend time listening to the Lord!

Hawks and the providence of God

So over the holiday season, the boyfriend and I drove back to Indiana to visit with my family and take a little sabbatical. We had a great time, we visited, celebrated Christmas, visited some more, shot guns, rode four-wheelers, slept more than usual, ate more than usual, all around it was a great trip.

But one of the cool things that this sabbatical included, was the chance to see some wildlife. On our way there, we saw deer as we drove through Arkansas, and if you haven't ever driven through Arkansas, watch out - there's lots of deer (a least on the dozens of times I've gone through it!).  We saw geese and other migratory birds feasting in barren fields, we saw more deer, raccoons, and opossums (and yes some of this was roadkill - that counts right?). But one creature I kept seeing over, and over, and over again. . .was a hawk. Not the same one, but multiples and at multiple times. They seemed to be everywhere and all along our trip. As I would call them out to the boyfriend, he didn't catch the first few, but then he noticed them too.

So this got me to wondering - a lot! I wondered what the hawk represented. I thought back to times in my life where birds in general were sort of a sign between me and God that he was right there with me. I used to spot birds as I was driving that were tracking right with me - literally - they were flying as if they were following or paralleling my cars' route - I'm serious! At first I would take notice and wonder, is this for real? Then I would just smile and know that the Lord was with me.

On our drive back to Dallas, I finally did a little google search, I love the googles. And what I found was beautiful. And whether or not you are a believer, I am, and I chose to believe that God still speaks to us today, to me personally, through all of His creation. So check out what I found.

• I typed in the google search "Hawk in the Bible"
• The first thing that returned was this link from BibleHub, I encourage you to read it: 
• http://biblehub.com/topical/h/hawk.htm
• From there, I looked up some of the verses highlighted, but the one I looked at the most was this one:
• Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars, stretching his wings toward the south? - Job 29:36
• In reading the context of this verse, it's when God is speaking to Job, reminding Job that He is God, He is in control. And Job believed this, but needed to be reminded in his time of trouble.
• And then from there, I spotted this line on the BibleHub page:
• "in its migrations, it illustrates the wise providence of the Creator"
• WOW! Now the boyfriend asked "What exactly does providence mean?" - great question. So the investigative journey continued. (I hope you're enjoying the thought process on this, sometimes, as I've stated before, it's good to dig and look up definitions)
• So next up. . .definition of PROVIDENCE:
• Here's a link (click the image), but I couldn't pick out just one piece so here's a picture too:

WOW! I'm so thankful how God uses people in our lives to push us just a little bit further - thanks boyfriend! This was all beginning to make a lot of sense, and it was lining up with all my prayers during this time.

"The foreseeing care and guidance of God. . ." 

At this time my life, come January 1, was about to make a HUGE shift! The Lord had been speaking to me clearly from July - September about taking a rest. He clearly didn't articulate what that meant, but I could not have believed how it would come about. Starting January 1, it was coming, ready or not! I was going to be going part-time at the ministry I work for, I had said yes to traveling more with the boyfriend and helping him with his organization, I was taking a cut in pay, I was bound and determined to work on spending more time with the Lord and learning how to REST in His presence. All of this was scary, I also had lots of details that were not worked out. . . pay, for instance, how would the Lord finance this rest, how would my time and travel look with the ministry, how would my time with the boyfriend look, would it put too much pressure on our relationship? How would others respond, would they believe my word from the Lord? Would they support me in prayer? How would I tell my family? (Still haven't told them all, whoops!?!). I also had decisions bearing down on me about church, home group, etc. LIFE! AHHHH!!!

BUT GOD! I know, I think I write this in every post, but WOW! He was totally speaking to me. . .the hawks were a foreshadow into the year, to let me know that He was divinely guiding, caring and lifting me over these worries and concerns! Hallelujah. . .thank you Lord just didn't seem enough at the time. I believe it made me tear up a bit on that drive home, but it also brought me some much needed peace. He would carry me. 

So here I am, three weeks into this new year, and the details are still not worked out, but as it also says in scripture, "He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken." Psalm 62:2. So I'm going to buckle up and enjoy the ride! Please, as you are led, pray for the details, pray for the continued peace, and pray for all involved in this transition, as I love them each dearly and am so thankful and grateful!

You are a good God and I trust you...

A few weeks ago, at a concert, I heard these words come from the singer as they paused a moment to pray during their performance:

"You are a good God and I trust you. . ."

It's a simple phrase, but it has had a profound affect on me. If I've mentioned it before, I apologize, it's still gripping me. Actually, it's helping to transform me, day-by-day. Not the phrase, but the way the Holy Spirit is using it as a tool to convey truth in my life.

A simple search of the term "God is good" returns a few scriptures that back this up:

"Give thanks for the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever." Psalm 136:1

"For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving." 1 Timothy 4:4

"You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees." Psalm 119:68

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

Okay, so you get the point. Or maybe now I get it. God is good!

Now the next part is the trust component. Tonight, I'm reading an article that talks about "Eve's Daddy Issues. . ." basically identifying that even girls that never had daddy issues, can blame Eve since the beginning of time for trust issues - HA! No. . .what it's saying is there's a heart issue, and any woman can have this heart issue. If you don't trust your dad, your brother, your friend, your boyfriend, or your husband. . .you ultimately don't trust your Father in heaven. TRUTH.

But here's a part of this article I really like:

"Ultimately, we're not failing to trust the men in our lives, since we've never been called to trust them (Ps. 146:3-5); we're failing to trust the One who gave them to us. 

No earthly home can be secure enough to satisfy the fears of a heart that hasn't learned that ultimately security is found in the Almighty." - Jasmin Holmes

(link to full article - http://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/eves-daddy-issues-and-ours)

Anyways, I'm just fleshing this out with y'all here. I'm learning to trust God more each day. I'm learning to believe that He is ultimately for me and that He wants good to come out of my life. I imaging Him for a minute as my one man cheering section (and sometimes it feels like he's the only one). He's the fanatical fan with the KT ROCKS sweatshirt on, green afro (has to be green), purple jumpsuit yelling you can do it! HA! It's fun to imagine. The point is, He's always cheering for me, sometimes the crowd is so loud, I just can't hear him. 

He's also working on my heart, and as I lean in, as I trust Him more, He changes my perspective. He lets me know I'm awesome, I'm created in His image. I am the righteousness of Christ, I'm a crown jewel, I am in His hands, I'm a catch, I'm a blessing, People want to listen to me and be around me, I am a beautiful, I'm a co-heir in Christ, I'm saved, I'm redeemed and tonight. . .I'm blessed and humbled to call Him my Father. Thank you Lord for cheering me on and never missing a game!

Set us free

It's not everyday you meet someone and the Lord gives you just an amazing insight into their hearts. But when it does, and you get to see the Fathers heart, it's amazing. 

That happened today. Just a sweet Saturday with my man, headed to one of our favorite places to grab a salad, and the next thing you know, we're are hearing an amazing testimony.

Now right away you may think we ran I to a fellow believer, sorry to disappoint, but the young man says he's an atheist.

Now don't get sad, the Lord says trust. And so we continued to talk. As he told us he was an atheist, the Holy Spirit told me that he had an immense amount of sorrow in his life, I could see it in his eyes. So I shared that with my man, and he asked him. . ."have you lost someone?" Wow, it's like the floodgates opened, he had lost his parents before he could remember, lost many friends and even lost the love of his life to cancer.

At TTR, where I work, we train people to love, listen, discern and respond. Our loving and listening that day allowed us to discern that this young man needed to know that he was not alone, that he was loved and so that's what we did.

We discerned that we needed to find out more about what he loved, what he enjoyed, why was he work and what was he working for (we're all working for something). As our meal came to an end, my sweet man had told him they needed to hang out, we had found out that he loved to write and that he was open to another visit! Awesome!

The ball is in his hands, as he has our number and contact information, but before we left, he was hugged and encouraged, and I pray he saw a Christ that is loving, not pushy, who listens and cares and will love above all!

Will you pray with me for this young man? Pray that he is encouraged that true love and healing come from Christ.

As we walked away, the Lord told me to pray that he is set free. Lord I pray he's set free and what's even more ironic, shortly after that, I had my own experience with grace and love and come to find out I need to be set free from fear, no new surprise, but just a constant reminder that only Jesus can set us free. 

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

Love your neighbor

This past Saturday, I had the privilege to see Jen Hatmaker speak at the Go Girl! Women's Conference at Fellowship Dallas Bible Church. While I did not take notes, therefore I can't possibly begin to redeem her entire message, the parts I did glean from it was to Love your Neighbor. Ya know, a commandment of our Lord and Savior.

Well, sounds great! Right now, I'm loving my little neighbor Kyoshi (my boyfriend's dog) as he sits next to me. Earlier today, I loved my neighbor at the coffee shop while I worked, greeting her politely and allowing her to sit next to me at the community table/lounge area. And early this morning I loved my neighbor (my housemate) by getting out the house so she could sleep (as she's been working nights). So check, done...

Not so fast lady, that's what my conscious says...and then it starts to ask these questions?

• What about your neighbors, the ones in your neighborhood?  Remember when you moved into that great little house, you prayed for them, your prayed for your city and you intentionally tried to create ways to meet them, greet them and have conversations with them?  What happened to that?
• What about the time you offered to help with your neighbors car and have your friend work on it, but you never followed through? Nor did your friend. The entire thing was counted as a blessings, and had led to a great spiritual conversation, but your lack of follow through on the car, probably did not help your testimony of your faith very much.
• What about the time you made cookies for all of them at Christmas - that one time (the first year, this will be Christmas #4 in the hood).
• What about the most recent time when your neighbor fell ill and you promised to look in on her? Maybe help with some meals, etc. . .yep, how well did that go over?

Jesus clearly stated. . . 

". . . and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31New American Standard Bible (NASB)

There is no greater commandment than these. . . whoa, maybe my life is flipped upside down? Maybe the fact that I drive to a ministry each day that focuses on sharing the Gospel across this nation, but I can't get out of my comfort zone to start checking in with and loving on my neighbors, is a big slap in the face to God?

It's been on my mind. And as I write this, I don't know how or what I'm going to do, because I really need the Lord to clear the space and make me move. I just know that he's moving, he's always moving in my life. And this week I'm overwhelmed with the ideas that keep popping into my head, am I serving Him well? Am I doing the Lord's work? Am I loving my neighbor? Am I being a fool for Christ? Am I where He wants me to be? The emotions are raging and I'm asking for His clarity, His plan for me and His confirmation on how to move for Him. Thankfully as I am fluttering about, the one thing I'm not concerned about, is that He who calls me is faithful (Romans 8:28)!

Please pray with and for me as the Lord works this all out, He's moving and He's moving me!

Gratefulness, thankfulness

So I've been tagged on Facebook to share what I'm thankful for, blah, blah, blah. It's not that I'm against being thankful or I'm not thankful. I am, but who needs to post it all over Facebook?

So then today, a friend told me it's good to focus on gratefulness, again, I agree. But as I sit here tonight I wondered, are they the same thing? So I looked it up, I know you are probably tired of me looking up words and reciting the definition, but I believe knowledge of words and their meanings is a lost practice. And I appreciate re-learning the meanings myself, or sometimes being astounded at how far off my understanding of a word might have been. So here we go!

thank·ful - ˈTHaNGkfəl/
adjective

1. pleased and relieved. "they were thankful that the war was finally over"
2. expressing gratitude and relief. "an earnest and thankful prayer", "she was thankful that the evening was over"

grate·ful - ˈgrātfəl/
adjective

• feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful. "I'm very grateful to you for all your help"

Interesting - thanks Google. Do you notice the slight difference? Being thankful is being "pleased and relieved" whereas being grateful is "feeling or showing appreciation or kindness". Interesting. 

Makes me think about an article I recently read - "Why it doesn't matter how you feel about your friends". The article talks about how we think about, and even pray for our friends, but we don't necessarily reach out to them any more. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and other social outlets allow us to just "think" about them, but not do anything about it. We see their family updates, their new jobs, we like it but we don't really correspond. It's a great read and really spoke to my heart as I'm awful about keeping in touch with friends - ask my friends! My housemate told me she didn't think it would be safe for me to live alone, as I might just go into hibernation! (Sounds amazing right now!)

My point is (yes, I'm sure you were wondering when I would get there), after reading these definitions, I'm convinced of how thankful I am for so many things, but how I am lacking in the gratefulness department. And I know, I'm being a little rough on myself, as it says "feeling or showing appreciation or kindness". But can't you imagine how better off our world would be if instead of just being thankful we actually showed others just how grateful we were?

Isn't that what the Lord desires too? He desires our gratefulness to be shown in our worship to Him. How do we worship? Well, one way is to be grateful and love others well, by showing love to them. Hmmm, not too tricky.

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. (Psalm 100:1-5)

So tonight I'd like to list a few things I'm thankful for and show my gratefulness by sharing this post with the people who generate this feeling in my heart! (in no particular order)

- My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, my refuge, my defender

- My nieces, Zoe and Emma, who make me smile and giggle a lot!

- My brother Michael, who's just cool to talk to and has a cool job - train conductor (so cool!)

- My Mom, who raise me and provided for me as I grew up and is always ready to help

- My Dad, who is a great listener and is always available to hear me out (and you too Chris)

- My sisters, brothers, sister-in-laws, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins - who are just plain lovable, fun, creative and interesting (the whole brood)

- My housemates and my bible study ladies who pray for me, love me unconditionally, challenge me, make me laugh uncontrollably and support me in so many ways

- My best friend Ang, who encourages me and uplifts me and is always there for me (can't wait to see you Ang)

- My best friend Dani who is just plain hilarious and who I miss dearly (and is about to become a mom, so cool!)

- My boyfriend, who's caring, a great communicator and points me and so many others to Jesus (and he's in a rock band!)

- My coworkers and friends through Time to Revive, there's too many to name, but y'all are amazing and I'm so thankful for how you have sharpened me over the past 3 years, it's unbelievable all the things I have seen the Lord do through your prayers and your love- Amazing!

- My friends Cely, Chayo, Angie, Monika, Emily and Isabel - my running buddies & cheer team. I love you each for your huge hearts, your fierce intelligence and your amazing love. I miss the West Coast ladies!

- My prayer warriors - you know who you are - you are amazing, I can't thank you enough for holding me up in prayer!

- My dentist, friend and travel buddy - what's up Doc? You rock and are so fun to hang with at weddings!

I'm sure I've missed some people, there's just to many of you that I am thankful and grateful for, but I pray that you are blessed, not by my words, but by knowing that your love, your time, your laughter, your tears, your texts, phone calls, emails, Facebook messages mean a ton to me! I love you!

Amazed...

Day 1 -

So many of you heard that my getting to Devils Lake, ND was quite the experience on Monday.  While many challenges arose, there were no worries - God had a plan - thank you Lord for the blessing of getting to serve in Devils Lake and arriving safely.  (Thanks again for all those who helped out on Monday, and for all those who prayed for Drew’s eye!)

Day 2 –

Prayer, that’s how it started and what a sweet time!  The Lord calls us to pray and to lay everything before Him, fully believing that all that we ask for will be granted (Mark 11:24), and that’s what we did.  The Spirit of the Lord was with us and we had such a sweet time Tuesday morning in prayer.  Next, we headed to Dakota Baptist Church at Fort Totten, where Pastor Paul Young, his wife Sarah and quite a few others (who had arrived early to pray and ask the Lord to bless our time on the reservation) were waiting to join in. 

As our 7 teams organized, it was pretty quiet, not many had an idea of where to go or how to find people so our team went with the 2 leads we had - Martin and David.  As we headed out, we went to find Martin at his place of work.  Driving up, it was evident we were either in the wrong place or the business was closed that day.  So we headed to the house where I knew we had dropped Martin off back in January after he spent he day with some of our team.  At the house we found Martin's mother and had the opportunity to pray with her, but that she wasn’t sure where Martin was, as he lived in Toyko, dead end.

We headed next to the High School where we believed David worked.  As we approached, we were skeptical that we would get very far, especially as all signs indicated “no solicitations,” and “check in with security.”  Seemed like another dead end, yet, when we walked in we were greeted by Curtis.  Curtis was kind and persevered to see if David was working and whether or not he would see us.  Curtis affirmed that David was there and would see us, so he proceeded to lead us to his classroom.  Curtis was so pleasant chatting with us all along the way and from the beginning, I thought, I bet this is who we are here to talk to.  As we waited for David we talked with another teacher and learned about the school.  It was a time of learning patience, and asking the Lord – is this where you want us – are we getting anywhere?  As 2 men entered the room where we were waiting my team member noticed this was not the David we were looking for.  As he responded that he was in fact David, we quickly learned we were looking at David Jr., not Sr., dead end.

As we left, we thought Lord, what do you have for us here?  We have ran into 2 dead ends and now we have just a little time left to find someone to share with…

As we walked down the hallway, we ran into Curtis and there the Lord just gently showed us, I have a plan, even when you can’t see it.  Curtis greeted us pleasantly and we told him how we had the wrong person and with the kindest heart he said – well, would you like a tour of the gym?  OPEN DOOR.

As we walked into the gym we said, “It’s apparent you have a lot of pride for the school here and for all that’s going on here.”  He went on to tell us he had been part of the tribal counsel, he had grown tired of politics and was now enjoying working security for the school, he had two grown boys himself and just loved working around the kids.  As we talked it was evident – the Lord was opening a door to share the Gospel.  And from there, as a team, we sat down on the bleachers and went through the Gospel.  As we shared it was evident that Curt needed clarity, it was amazing to watch was his face as he read and as we shared.  His humbleness shined through when he said, “I really want to learn, and I just don’t know how.”  He had never heard this message, he had challenges in his own life and had been seeking counsel and been left with dead ends of his own.  The sheer joy of clarity in the Gospel message brought tears of joy to our team and to Curtis.

As our team headed to the car we were tearful just amazed at how the Lord had orchestrated our morning, you see we cast out our nets, we pulled them back, cast them out again and 2 times they returned empty.  And then when we had all but just started to doubt, He allowed us the blessing of sharing with Curtis.  Reflecting on Curtis and his salvation…tears of AMAZEMENT and joy just continued to flow freely through our team.

When we returned to the church that morning we heard more stories 8 salvations that morning – GLORY!  Just as Jesus assured Simon Peter on the shore of the Sea of Galilee He was assuring us to cast our nets and just as Simon Peter stood amazed and feeling unworthy, we also stood feeling that emotion.  “For amazement had seized him (Simon Peter) and all his companions because of the catch of fish which they had taken...” (Luke 5:9).

The afternoon of discipleship was also a blank slate for many of us – we were trying something new…so as our team headed to the Holiday Mall – door after door after door just continued to open – to share, to encourage, to pray!  AMAZED! (Oh and one more GLORY!)

The evening went on and as many more went out, a bit discouraged about the silence of the day (less attendance, not finding many people out) it was as if the Lord was just conveying to us – CAST YOUR NETS, TRUST ME… (Luke 5:4).

And so as we returned GLORY occurred 6 or 7 more times that evening!  New believers in Christ were accepting the gift of salvation.  Praise the Lord, His faithfulness even when we couldn’t see assured us, just as He assured Simon Peter on the Sea of Galilee…“And Jesus said to Simon ‘Do not fear, from now on you will be catching men” (Luke 5:10).

Scared to death…

Sitting on the plane coming back from Richmond, California, looking out the window and seeing the mountains and just reflecting as the song “Oh how He loves us” by David Crowder, and my heart just keeps reeling on the time spent with Dionte yesterday.  Dionte Jackson – “Fly Guy Tay” for short.

The time spent with our team giving Dionte clarity…clarity about who Jesus is and what Jesus did for Dionte and you and for me, it just gripped me.  I was overwhelmed by emotion when Dionte described a dream that his mother had about him.  He said his mother had a dream that a black car was rolling through the neighborhood and there was a shooting, everyone in the car was shot and Dionte was going to save them, but he ended up getting killed.  Now some of you may think, why would a mother tell her son about a dream like that?  But for Dionte, he needed to hear that dream, because it was pointing him to Jesus.  Not only that, but he went on to describe how it’s known (either in his family or between him and his brother) that his brother has a ‘gift’, his brother is able to flip open the Bible and just find life, a verse that describes life.  And what Dionte didn’t say, but we all felt was his brother also found hope in that, that the word of God was encouraging his brother through that ‘gift.’  But when Dionte attempted the same thing, looking for that ‘gift’ or that hope – all the bible verses reflected was death. 

Scared to death.  Scared that he was going to end up dead, on the street in front of a black car, trying to do what was right, being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  And the feeling of being ‘scared to death’ was all over his face.  It was a weight, you could feel, a weight that I know some of my friends and family, if they were really honest carry in the back of their minds, maybe in the front, maybe it just pops in once in a while?  But it was felt.

So here’s a 20 year old looking at his mother, looking at the Bible and finding death.  Surprising?  Aren’t we supposed to get hope from those things?  Parents are to uplift and raise up their children. 

And then Dionte read the following verses one after another:

            “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.”  Ephesians 2:8-9

            “that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.”  (Romans 10: 9 -10)

And then we went a bit further and emphasized this:

            “for ‘Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved.’” (Romans 10:13)

And then Dionte couldn’t stop smiling, his countenance changed.  He found hope.  He found the words in the Bible he had longed for, he had searched for, he had prayed he would just open to.  He found clarity.  As I sat there watching, I was overwhelmed with joy, with love with just an immense amount of compassion.  I remember feeling scared to death.  I remember sitting in rooms by myself, crying out to the Lord knowing that He was the only one that could fix the hurt, the fear the sheer terror that I felt and not feeling hope, I remember searching, trying to find it on my own.

And then I was flooded with the immense emotion, the weight of glory you could say, maybe even the joy that I now have in knowing that I don’t have that same fear, that Dionte doesn’t EVER have to have that fear again…and tears flooded down my face.

So as I sit here thinking, scared to death, when was the last time I was scared to death, it’s a funny term that we throw around like nothing, but it holds a lot of weight.  And as I sit here, I can’t think of the last time I was really scared to death.  It’s a weight that I don’t have to carry anymore though, and neither do you, because “it is the gift of God,” (Ephesians 2:8-9) that He “demonstrates His own love for us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

My prayer for you today is that as you read this, you think of your scared to death moment and instead of searching for hope in your mother, father, spouse, your seatbelt, your helmet, your parachute, your bottle, your drug, your escape… you look to the Lord and to the offer of salvation, it’s a gift and it’s free and it SAVES!

Thank you Lord for saving me…

PS - Check out Dionte at the end of this video