Freedom is tearing us apart...

I'm thankful I live in a country where each of us can have an opinion, we can share that opinion and we can practice that opinion...we can say it boldly, loudly, repeatedly...it's quite amazing and I'm even inspired by so many of my friends who speak out..even if I don't agree with them.

I'm sad to see these opinions tearing us apart, enraging us as communities and truly causing so much destruction...

I don't know what the answer is, but my silence is not ignorance, it's not acceptance and it's not a giving up...

Of course for me, I'm praying...I'm reading...I'm researching and I think most of all, I'm trying to focus on joy.

In my journey of becoming a mother, so many people have said to me that it goes by in a blink of an eye. To my parents my life has gone by in the blink of an eye, my daughter is growing and it's going by fast as well.

I want to leave a legacy of love...I want to leave a legacy of accepting people and their differences and showing them love anyways. I don't want my daughter to look back and remember a time when I was "off-color", unloving, judgmental or even fearful of others.

It's a tall order...and I can't do it on my own because I can be unloving, I can be judgmental and I can be fearful and maybe even off-color...

Many of my friends do not know me well enough to know my positions/thoughts on things. We haven't had the discussions, the deep dives into debate, into politics, religion and I'm guessing many have a wrong idea or preconceived notion about what I believe.

Here's the thing, I can't say I haven't done the same thing - that I haven't put you in a box at some point in time...it happens. And when it doesn't...it's because I'm fully alive and fully functioning in the Spirit and mind of Christ. And that's a challenge, not because of Jesus, not because of my beliefs, but because of my sin nature... My nature that chooses not to read the word of God, my sin nature that chooses not to pray, my sin nature that keeps me inside of myself instead of in community. My sin nature that lets fear keep me from loving others who are different. My sin nature that forgets that God has my back (and my front and all of me). My sin nature that wants what I want, not what God wants...

In reading this and thinking on this I can get overwhelmed with a to do list, I start thinking about all the articles to read the initiatives to follow the posts to respond to, the memes to share, things to write, books to read...thankfully my biggest to do is to get with God...

Galatians 5 (read the ENTIRE Chapter) and I'll leave you with this:

Galatians 5:22

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited,provoking and envying each other.

Everyone has a testimony...

I had what my husband calls "a download" this morning...so let me share it here with you.

I know many people that have tremendous testimonies or stories...and as it says in the bible, I truly believe the scripture that says:

Revelation 12:11 New American Standard Bible (NASB)

11 And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death.

And to that end, I love hearing stories of over comers...but here's the deal...I hear SO MANY testimonies and I hear the differences in where people are with their testimony - heck - even I am at a different stage with different parts of my testimony - because I'm constantly being renewed and refreshed and sanctified...

But there's something the Lord downloaded to me this morning...there are two roles in testimony sharing - the person sharing the testimony and the person hearing the testimony.

Both roles have a responsibility and we must be aware of this...gosh - my brain just went into a whole other sermon - there's multiple things to think about when you are sharing your testimony and maybe I'll make another post about that - but for now let's stick to this one.

When you share - you must think about where you are in your story and BE HONEST. I hear so many testimonies that are not sharing in order to GLORIFY GOD, but are sharing in order to GAIN SYMPATHY because they have not yet passed over or overcame the hurt in their story. I don't believe that this is what the Lord desires. This is, I hate to say, manipulative and selfish, and if I were free of this myself I would feel bad in saying it so harshly, but I can't in good conscience say I have never wanted peoples sympathy when I shared...but I need to ask this...

Why? Because I should not be sharing to get anything out of it...I should be sharing TO GIVE ALL GLORY TO GOD! And so should you - and I know some of you do - and you are the ones that inspire me...thank you! You are sharing from a humble heart attitude that knows God did this, this is God's story - not my story...it's his - ALL OF IT. And gosh I really need to do some self examination myself on this one.

But there's more - the way the Lord brought this to me is by listening to the hurt and heart ache in another's story - and I started to take on that hurt and take on that heartache and the Lord said STOP. This person sharing has not overcome this, has not handed this over to me, has not shared from a humble heart but is trying to manipulate you and others. Now I could have easily been upset with this person, but that's not what the Lord was trying to say. The Lord was giving me discernment to guard my heart, to guard my mind, to protect me for bearing a burden that was not mine.

WOW - that's insight, that's wisdom, that's discernment.

I think we all need to think about this - we need to hear each others stories and encourage each other to share, but we also need to be alert and know that what the enemy may intend for bad - GOD intends FOR GOOD...so we have to let it all rest with him, He is the burden-bearer...He is the one that is meant to be glorified through all things.

So I pray today that you set down any story you've picked up and that you examine your story as well, like I said, I need to look at how/when I tell mine and what is my motivation - is it for His glory or for my selfish needs?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this...

Pray and fast...

You just never know where life will lead, you can plan, dream, wish and you just never know...this picture was taken a year and a half ago in CA with the mighty redwoods...and at that time, I could have only dreamed that a year and a half later I'd be married and carrying our first child! I prayed and fasted for us, for him, and God answered my prayers! And not only that, He overwhelmed me with love and mercy, I'm now a stay at home mom, working side by side with my husband on our dream of helping and loving people through Christ! I'm working a business, building our organization and helping people along the way! WOW! It wasn't and isn't always easy, marriage and relationships are hard, but I'm so thankful to be on this journey with him...God knows what he's doing, even when we don't! Trust in the Lord, keep praying, fast if he says to fast, get in line with His will...and see what blessings He has in store! Thank you Lord for my blessings! I love this beautiful life!

#keepdreaming #mcm #redwoods #catrip2015 #prayer #fasting #seekhiswill #godloves #blessings #wih #sop #schoolofpermaculture#mywhy #wfh #wfhmoments #reflecting #beauty #nature #naturephotography #thankful #mondaymotivation #adventure #outsideisthebestside #getoutside #travel #testimonytime

Transition

When I was 18 years old, I took a 2 week vacation to Arizona to visit my best friend. This was the summer between my freshman and sophomore year of college. The intent was to reconnect (she has moved away when we were in High School and we had not "hung out" in years. 

Well, after those two weeks, we decided, it would be way cooler if I just joined her in Arizona for school. I mean come on - have you seen Phoenix in the summer? It's so tempting (note the sarcasm!). 

So we concocted a plan that would allow me to "test" it out. I contacted my school and asked if I could do a semester in AZ and then come back and continue on my path there. It wasn't impossible, there were some sacrifices I'd have to make, but if I stayed in shape (my softball coaches instructions) and I returned in 6 months, I would keep my scholarship status and could continue on at the 4 year private college I was currently enrolled in. WOO HOO!

So, off I went to Arizona. I landed in August 1994 and stayed until February 2007 (6 months came and went and I couldn't fathom leaving the desert I fell in love with and the freedom I found there).

Some notes to make, I lied. I lied to my family and friends and told them I had a job, when really I didn't, I just had hope that I could find one. All I had was my best friend and a place to stay and a couple of over stuffed suitcases with clothes (this was before they charged you for luggage).

I lost my scholarship and ended up at a less prominent community college. I was unemployed and broke for a few months before I started working at a local pizza hut. My best friend and I then moved into the city in a furnished, roach infested apartment that brought us so much life and fun and friends, we even named our roaches. I stopped and started school at different times, using all of my financial aid and every resource I could. I ate ridiculous meals, most of the time coming from a vending machine or local gas station, I didn't get a car until after my 21st birthday. I got involved with some amazing people and I also got involved with people who were doing some un-amazing things. I changed majors 2 times, I skipped class a lot to lay in the sun. I dressed like a hippie, a preppy and a punk rocker all in the space of a few years. I tried drugs, all different kinds, I drank alcohol a lot and I did all kinds of crazy diets trying to look good! I pierced my tongue and belly button, but refused tattoos. I lived with my first AZ boyfriend didn't think anything about it. I got "serious" about school and finished up at a satellite campus of ASU. I had relentless faith in God, and would argue that He existed most of the time in deep, drug/alcohol induced conversations (aren't they the deepest?). 

I zoned in on Human Resources in school because I liked people and thought finance was too hard, marketing required too much creativity and international business required a second language which I did not speak. I worked at a national chain restaurant in every position possible to earn as many dollars and cents extra I could, even did their MIT program (bartending by far was my favorite). I smoked cigarettes for about 10 years (sometimes off and on, tried to quit many times - today I'm over 10 years smoke free). I went to concerts, bars, strip clubs even an erotica club a few times (don't worry mom, I just observed). I got an HR internship, became the youngest member on the AZ board of directors, graduated with a pretty good GPA and ended up with a Recruiting Assistant job and went to HR Manager within 2 years of graduating. I went on to get a DUI at one point and spent 24 hours in jail and paid out lots of money to the AZ government. I then went on to work at another start up organization (my internship was a start up - I also learned a great lesson by getting laid off at my first professional job!). I was single and flirty for a long time, I played on a competitive co-ed softball team and then I moved in again with another boyfriend later. I traveled the world while in AZ - all over the US, Mexico and Ireland. 13 years of an amazing life!

Why am I telling you all this? Not really sure...

I think it's sort of a good exercise for me and the way it originated was in me thinking about the transition I'm in now. 

I'm leaving Time to Revive on Friday, it will be my last day. This means I am essentially now without a set income. I am joining another start up non-profit. With that said, I will be able to earn an income as we build it. And starting up an organization as many of my friends and family knows takes some initial (and some time seasonal) sacrifices. 

With that said, I'M SO EXCITED! I'm also nervous...a bit scared and ready!

I'm ready to build, ready to work with my hands, ready to help people through a new found discipline of permaculture, ready to see what the Lord has in store.

One of my life verses is Mark 10:15 (NIV) - "Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”  The reason it's my life verse is because it's where I came from and dwelt for the first half of my life. I did not understand Jesus, I did not understand grace, forgiveness, sin, love, blessings...all I understood was FAITH.

In that, I did not waiver, I understood God existed, I just didn't understand how much he loved me or how to have a relationship with him.  But my faith, was hopeful, it was free, it was unshakeable.

So this is really just a post to me...Lord continue to give me that faith that with you can move mountains, that faith to believe you have everything taken care of, that faith that you will provide and free me from the nervousness and fear that tries to creep up!

Here I am Lord - use me!!!

PS - I believe as we are able to honestly bring our past into the open, bring our previous sin out in the open, it allows us to have freedom from it's bondage...I'm learning to do that and my writing is an outlet for that. So, if you've never heard me speak of some of these things, don't worry, don't feel sad or upset for me - Jesus has rescued me from it all and he's healing me from any damage it's caused. Praise the Lord He's already forgiven me of all of it...and in Christ, I'm free! AMEN!