Freedom is tearing us apart...

I'm thankful I live in a country where each of us can have an opinion, we can share that opinion and we can practice that opinion...we can say it boldly, loudly, repeatedly...it's quite amazing and I'm even inspired by so many of my friends who speak out..even if I don't agree with them.

I'm sad to see these opinions tearing us apart, enraging us as communities and truly causing so much destruction...

I don't know what the answer is, but my silence is not ignorance, it's not acceptance and it's not a giving up...

Of course for me, I'm praying...I'm reading...I'm researching and I think most of all, I'm trying to focus on joy.

In my journey of becoming a mother, so many people have said to me that it goes by in a blink of an eye. To my parents my life has gone by in the blink of an eye, my daughter is growing and it's going by fast as well.

I want to leave a legacy of love...I want to leave a legacy of accepting people and their differences and showing them love anyways. I don't want my daughter to look back and remember a time when I was "off-color", unloving, judgmental or even fearful of others.

It's a tall order...and I can't do it on my own because I can be unloving, I can be judgmental and I can be fearful and maybe even off-color...

Many of my friends do not know me well enough to know my positions/thoughts on things. We haven't had the discussions, the deep dives into debate, into politics, religion and I'm guessing many have a wrong idea or preconceived notion about what I believe.

Here's the thing, I can't say I haven't done the same thing - that I haven't put you in a box at some point in time...it happens. And when it doesn't...it's because I'm fully alive and fully functioning in the Spirit and mind of Christ. And that's a challenge, not because of Jesus, not because of my beliefs, but because of my sin nature... My nature that chooses not to read the word of God, my sin nature that chooses not to pray, my sin nature that keeps me inside of myself instead of in community. My sin nature that lets fear keep me from loving others who are different. My sin nature that forgets that God has my back (and my front and all of me). My sin nature that wants what I want, not what God wants...

In reading this and thinking on this I can get overwhelmed with a to do list, I start thinking about all the articles to read the initiatives to follow the posts to respond to, the memes to share, things to write, books to read...thankfully my biggest to do is to get with God...

Galatians 5 (read the ENTIRE Chapter) and I'll leave you with this:

Galatians 5:22

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited,provoking and envying each other.

Keepin' on. . .

This is a post that I made last month (June 2015), but didn't get around to posting. In reflecting back and reading it today, it seems like so long ago. As I read it, I'm so thankful that the Lord saw me through. Thank you Lord!

For what it's worth, maybe it's timely for you - my thoughts on a hard week...a hard time. I hope it encourages you, whether you are going through a hard time now, or you are coming out of one, or maybe you just want encouragement for a future hard time?! Whatever the case may be - blessings to you, and thanks for reading!

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I've been reading, re-reading and listening to Ephesians these past few days and doing my best to make the best of each day. I have to say, last week was the worst week I've had in a long time, like for real. I felt the enemy right on my heals, pressing down in every direction. Not for any particular reason, but attacking from all sides with a whole bunch of little fiery darts.

I was reminded of this verse:

Ephesians 5:16 - New American Standard Bible (NASB)

16 making the most of your time, because the days are evil.

I was also reminded of this one, as in the pressing we can be aware of the fragrance that we are emitting...thankful for this teaching from my mentor and friend M.E.

2 Corinthians 2:15-16New American Standard Bible (NASB)

15 For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; 16 to the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life. And who is adequate for these things?



What aroma I emitted this week was not pleasant. (Unlike the beautiful aroma I experienced 2 weeks ago. . .fresh cut lavender!)

I've failed, I've yelled back, I've gotten emotional and I've cried a lot. I stunk up the place. And to top it all off, I even got a speeding ticket - icing on the cake. . .leading to another melt-down! I even said my word (wink!).

But you know what? The Lord is good, he's also given me small victories, small blessings in and around each day. . .thank you Lord. He's teaching me to to remember that I'm an overcomer and not a victim. But oh man. . .being a victim is so much easier! 

 But it doesn't feel good. . .it's just comfortable, it's known, it's common. . .

But it feels horrible, who wants to feel sad, out of control, angry and abused, not me. . .but that's where he (the enemy) wants to keep us

But GOD. . .Jesus came to rescue, to heal, to lift us up out of the miry muck...PRAISE THE LORD! I need Jesus, I need His strength, I need His security, I need His love! And He gives it, unconditionally, even when I feel like I can't keep on!

Hawks and the providence of God

So over the holiday season, the boyfriend and I drove back to Indiana to visit with my family and take a little sabbatical. We had a great time, we visited, celebrated Christmas, visited some more, shot guns, rode four-wheelers, slept more than usual, ate more than usual, all around it was a great trip.

But one of the cool things that this sabbatical included, was the chance to see some wildlife. On our way there, we saw deer as we drove through Arkansas, and if you haven't ever driven through Arkansas, watch out - there's lots of deer (a least on the dozens of times I've gone through it!).  We saw geese and other migratory birds feasting in barren fields, we saw more deer, raccoons, and opossums (and yes some of this was roadkill - that counts right?). But one creature I kept seeing over, and over, and over again. . .was a hawk. Not the same one, but multiples and at multiple times. They seemed to be everywhere and all along our trip. As I would call them out to the boyfriend, he didn't catch the first few, but then he noticed them too.

So this got me to wondering - a lot! I wondered what the hawk represented. I thought back to times in my life where birds in general were sort of a sign between me and God that he was right there with me. I used to spot birds as I was driving that were tracking right with me - literally - they were flying as if they were following or paralleling my cars' route - I'm serious! At first I would take notice and wonder, is this for real? Then I would just smile and know that the Lord was with me.

On our drive back to Dallas, I finally did a little google search, I love the googles. And what I found was beautiful. And whether or not you are a believer, I am, and I chose to believe that God still speaks to us today, to me personally, through all of His creation. So check out what I found.

• I typed in the google search "Hawk in the Bible"
• The first thing that returned was this link from BibleHub, I encourage you to read it: 
• http://biblehub.com/topical/h/hawk.htm
• From there, I looked up some of the verses highlighted, but the one I looked at the most was this one:
• Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars, stretching his wings toward the south? - Job 29:36
• In reading the context of this verse, it's when God is speaking to Job, reminding Job that He is God, He is in control. And Job believed this, but needed to be reminded in his time of trouble.
• And then from there, I spotted this line on the BibleHub page:
• "in its migrations, it illustrates the wise providence of the Creator"
• WOW! Now the boyfriend asked "What exactly does providence mean?" - great question. So the investigative journey continued. (I hope you're enjoying the thought process on this, sometimes, as I've stated before, it's good to dig and look up definitions)
• So next up. . .definition of PROVIDENCE:
• Here's a link (click the image), but I couldn't pick out just one piece so here's a picture too:

WOW! I'm so thankful how God uses people in our lives to push us just a little bit further - thanks boyfriend! This was all beginning to make a lot of sense, and it was lining up with all my prayers during this time.

"The foreseeing care and guidance of God. . ." 

At this time my life, come January 1, was about to make a HUGE shift! The Lord had been speaking to me clearly from July - September about taking a rest. He clearly didn't articulate what that meant, but I could not have believed how it would come about. Starting January 1, it was coming, ready or not! I was going to be going part-time at the ministry I work for, I had said yes to traveling more with the boyfriend and helping him with his organization, I was taking a cut in pay, I was bound and determined to work on spending more time with the Lord and learning how to REST in His presence. All of this was scary, I also had lots of details that were not worked out. . . pay, for instance, how would the Lord finance this rest, how would my time and travel look with the ministry, how would my time with the boyfriend look, would it put too much pressure on our relationship? How would others respond, would they believe my word from the Lord? Would they support me in prayer? How would I tell my family? (Still haven't told them all, whoops!?!). I also had decisions bearing down on me about church, home group, etc. LIFE! AHHHH!!!

BUT GOD! I know, I think I write this in every post, but WOW! He was totally speaking to me. . .the hawks were a foreshadow into the year, to let me know that He was divinely guiding, caring and lifting me over these worries and concerns! Hallelujah. . .thank you Lord just didn't seem enough at the time. I believe it made me tear up a bit on that drive home, but it also brought me some much needed peace. He would carry me. 

So here I am, three weeks into this new year, and the details are still not worked out, but as it also says in scripture, "He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken." Psalm 62:2. So I'm going to buckle up and enjoy the ride! Please, as you are led, pray for the details, pray for the continued peace, and pray for all involved in this transition, as I love them each dearly and am so thankful and grateful!