Freedom is tearing us apart...

I'm thankful I live in a country where each of us can have an opinion, we can share that opinion and we can practice that opinion...we can say it boldly, loudly, repeatedly...it's quite amazing and I'm even inspired by so many of my friends who speak out..even if I don't agree with them.

I'm sad to see these opinions tearing us apart, enraging us as communities and truly causing so much destruction...

I don't know what the answer is, but my silence is not ignorance, it's not acceptance and it's not a giving up...

Of course for me, I'm praying...I'm reading...I'm researching and I think most of all, I'm trying to focus on joy.

In my journey of becoming a mother, so many people have said to me that it goes by in a blink of an eye. To my parents my life has gone by in the blink of an eye, my daughter is growing and it's going by fast as well.

I want to leave a legacy of love...I want to leave a legacy of accepting people and their differences and showing them love anyways. I don't want my daughter to look back and remember a time when I was "off-color", unloving, judgmental or even fearful of others.

It's a tall order...and I can't do it on my own because I can be unloving, I can be judgmental and I can be fearful and maybe even off-color...

Many of my friends do not know me well enough to know my positions/thoughts on things. We haven't had the discussions, the deep dives into debate, into politics, religion and I'm guessing many have a wrong idea or preconceived notion about what I believe.

Here's the thing, I can't say I haven't done the same thing - that I haven't put you in a box at some point in time...it happens. And when it doesn't...it's because I'm fully alive and fully functioning in the Spirit and mind of Christ. And that's a challenge, not because of Jesus, not because of my beliefs, but because of my sin nature... My nature that chooses not to read the word of God, my sin nature that chooses not to pray, my sin nature that keeps me inside of myself instead of in community. My sin nature that lets fear keep me from loving others who are different. My sin nature that forgets that God has my back (and my front and all of me). My sin nature that wants what I want, not what God wants...

In reading this and thinking on this I can get overwhelmed with a to do list, I start thinking about all the articles to read the initiatives to follow the posts to respond to, the memes to share, things to write, books to read...thankfully my biggest to do is to get with God...

Galatians 5 (read the ENTIRE Chapter) and I'll leave you with this:

Galatians 5:22

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited,provoking and envying each other.

A little pep talk and planning...

It's Saturday and for the last year or more I've had a reminder set in my calendar that says BLOG - so here are my stats of how much I have listened to myself and that little reminder, that was set with such good intentions...

2016 - 3 published blogs, 1 draft
2015 - 11 published blogs, 5 drafts
2014 - 14 published blogs, 4 drafts
2013 - 6 published blogs 

So, 52 weeks in a year, that should equal 52 blogs? Whoops...

Why do these stats interest me? Probably because as I've started almost ten blogs I've never published, I know what I was thinking at that time...Oh I'll go back and finish it later! Nope, can't do it, why? Because it's totally an inspired word, at least for me, a bit of a revelation. I've found, it's not something you can just go back and complete. Believe me I've tried. Setting all judgments aside - (I almost, yep here I go, I almost wrote, maybe I was emotional when I wrote it, gotta let that leave my brain right now). So here's what happens - I go back and I read some those drafts and some of them have some depth, some meat, some thoughts I'd like to share. So, I have thought about just posting them with a disclaimer like you see in shops that resale items or sell discount items - AS IS - No returns, no additional discounts - take it or leave it...that's what they mean right? 

So as I sit here flushing this out...maybe I will do that, post these unfinished blogs with a disclaimer. Hmmm, actually, who needs one, the title of my blog itself is Completely Unfinished. Doesn't that say it right there? So are you on board? You with me? Should I just post/publish those? 

A few extra notes - the dates they were written will be relevant, much more so than the dates they are published, but if I remove me from the equation and get back to the purpose of why I write, I write for others to see, others to hear, others to feel and see that life is not always a bowl full of cherries. And then I can't deny, I write for selfish reasons too - I write for me - because, for me, it's a space where I can clear out the clutter, get it down on paper, try to make sense of my thoughts...

OK - so we have a plan! Sounds like a plan. Oh yes, I love plans, I love organizing, I love making lists! So, prayerfully you will follow and understand, as I have 10 posts to do over the next few weeks. Maybe I'll post one every other day? Who knows, maybe one everyday? Just do it - get it all out there.

Thanks to all of you who are reading this now - as today's blog is totally rambling, organizing some thoughts and all out total and utter spewing on the computer! I appreciate you for hopping or hobbling along with me on this journey. I truly hope 2017 holds way more posts on the blog. And that I actually pay attention to the good reminders I've set on my phone. For me that means that I do what I believe is possible, that I "MAKE EVERY MOMENT COUNT" (2017 theme). And at the end of 2017 we raise our mug of coffee or glass of spirits and we toast "Here's to life" (a line in one of my favorite band's songs - bonus if you know it)...thank you!

Blessings today and all the days ~ kb

Serve the Lord

As I read my daily bible reading this morning, I had a lot of A-HA! moments, and I'd just like to share one with you...

2 Chronicles 35:3 NLT -

He issued this order to the Levites, who were to teach all Israel and who had been set apart to serve the Lord: “Put the holy Ark in the Temple that was built by Solomon son of David, the king of Israel. You no longer need to carry it back and forth on your shoulders. Now spend your time serving the Lord your God and his people Israel.

WOW! Isn't that what we are asked to do? To put down our burdens and serve the Lord? To no longer carry them back and forth?

And yet, I can't imagine these laborers...the thoughts running through their minds...what's next? The loss, the feeling of uncertainty...what does this new freedom look like? How do I do this? For how long? Every day...I simply just have to serve the Lord? And not work?

I'm reminded of these verses - they instantly popped in my head:

Psalm 25:4 NIV - 

Show me your ways, Lord,
teach me your paths.

Psalm 86:11 NIV - 

Teach me your way, Lord,
that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart,
that I may fear your name.

Our identity must be so wrapped up in Christ that when He asks us to lay something down, we just simply obey.

We trust - we believe - through the struggle of finding our "what's next?"

He will guide and direct us.

Proverbs 3:6 NASB -

In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight

Lord, give me a glimpse of this vision and help me see how to walk it out step-by-step, trusting you ever more. I love you Lord, my strength.

Praying for miracles. . .

Written 11/4/14 -

We ask God for a lot of stuff, a lot. Come on now, don't deny it. He's actually asked us to do that. He actually enjoys us coming to him for everything. Thank you Lord.

As I sit here writing, I am interested in learning, is out of all the things we ask for, how many of us truly ask God for a miracle? I'm not talking about answers for this or that, but for God to move that mountain and bring a miracle? I started thinking about it, as I have been pleading with the Lord for a miracle this week.

The new miracle I have been praying for is a miracle to start with, so it's a miracle on top of a miracle so to speak. I've been praying for the last 2 years for this first miracle and so when I heard about it I praised God, because He did it! But now it's moved into a new realm, it needs a miracle on top of a miracle. It's funny how I have qualified it in my mind too. The first miracle wasn't that big of a surprise, I guess it's because I know my God and I believed He could do it. But today, the miracle on top of the miracle, it's taking me farther. Lord I know you can do it, but I want to feel it, I want to see it, I want to taste it.

Lord, I want this miracle for your glory, for your story, for your testimony. Lord I know you can do this, but even my little faith is being stretched. I must confess Lord, I'm growing bold in demanding this miracle, but I'm also wondering how I will be if you don't do it. Will I shy away from you? What words will I say to those who know I've been praying hard for this, how will I defend you? (As if I even need to?) LORD, HELP MY UNBELIEF!

It's silly really, but it's real. I can count on one or two hands, the number of times I have truly beseeched the Lord to move in a miraculous way. Has He ever not answered me the way I wanted? Yes.  Has He ever answered me the way I wanted? Yes. Did I give Him the glory? Yes! He's done both, and through it all I still love Him, but do I trust Him?

My trust in the Lord is challenged almost daily by the will of my mind. It's amazing how faithful our good Father is, and how faithless we can be after all. Through this I have been wondering, why don't we ask for more miracles? I know why I don't. I've discovered it's not because I don't believe God, it's because I don't want to be disappointed, I don't want to be let down and I ultimately don't trust that God knows better than me. Isn't that the truth? Isn't that what holds us back from praying for miracles? From having peace? From publicly acknowledging the God of life?

My heart is heavy this morning, because truly I tell you, the Lord has revealed my struggles to me and ever so sweetly He's working them out in and through me, through my life. But here's why my heart is heavy, I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I still struggle. . .what about those who don't see the light, who are struggling to hang onto themselves. They are struggling to hold onto something that is perishable, something that can fail (out human bodies fail), they are lost without hope. My heart is heavy for those who have set You aside Father. . .for those who know the goodness of Your love, but have lost it, they have lost You, not because You have moved, but because they have gone off and tried to do it alone. I know Father, because I do it. . .ALL THE TIME.

Lord, I say the words, 'hear my prayers' as if it incites me to the front of the line with You, but there is no line, You are as personal to me as You are anyone. You are right beside me as if I am the only child in your entire kingdom, but yet, I can't get that through my head today. Lord I'm praying for a great miracle today. I am begging you to heal, to lay hands on, to save in the name of Jesus, the name of above all names.

Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer. . .

Knowledge gives you wings

So, this past weekend I had the privilege of sitting in on an Earthworks, permaculture class. I've had the chance to learn about permaculture over the past few months. . .by association. 

It's interesting how you know nothing about something and then God just injects your life with new knowledge. . .

With that said, I'm learning a ton! Like this weekend, how to build a swale and ponds. I learned what a berm, a key point, a laser level and much, much more.

Again, I'm just amazed at all the knowledge that is out there in the world, but until it crosses our paths we know nothing of it.

What is the Lord looking to teach you? For me, He's asking me to be silent. And don't laugh since my writing might be construed as being noisy. But He's actually asking me to be quiet with Him, to be quiet in my head, to get to that mountain top with Him, where He can speak to me. How cool!

I'm not there yet, I can't see the top, but I'm climbing, not striving. Or then again, sometimes striving and not climbing. It's a battle, but it's worth it. 

I'm also not yet an expert in permaculture, but I'm learning, more and more as I go.

It's never to late to learn. . .whether it permaculture . . .or discerning the voice of God, get out there and listen up!

"Ignorance is the curse of God; knowledge is the wing wherewith we fly to heaven."

William Shakespeare