Battling fear

Great, just what everyone wants to read about, a post about fear. But over the past couple of weeks, it's been the topic of many of both my internal and external discussions and my prayers.

I relish in the Merriam-Webster definition of it:

The part that catches my eye today is..."to expect or worry about (something bad or unpleasant)." Ouch. It cuts right to the chase. It also calls out something that many of us avoid claiming when we have fear, which is expectations. 

When we expect things we are essentially trying to plan our own future. Our fear settles in when reality starts to look very different than the expectation that we set for ourselves and that we put on others. As I spoke with a dear friend last night, he exclaimed that the next thing he believes that the Lord wants to pour out on him is joy. To which the Holy Spirit told me to let him know, that what he's sensing - that's truth! The Lord does want to give him joy, but the Spirit of the Lord also let me know and prompted me to tell him, it's not going to look the way he expects it to. He received it and it led to a great conversation about how we attempt to put expectations and limits on most everything we do, and even on what God desires for us.

When we do this we steal joy. We steal joy from the present moment and we allow fear to creep into our brains, our hearts and our spirit man (or woman). My soul has been continuously focused this past week or so, on removing fear from my thoughts. And I have failed terribly. And while I'm not hear to pity me or anyone else for failing, I'm hear to say, it's a serious battle. NOT one to be taken lightly. As Paul says to the Corinthians:

"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ..." (2 Cor 10:3-5)

This is work. Work I (we) can't do without the Spirit's help. And as I see it, I step outside the Spirit more than I walk in step with it. How easily I'm distracted, how easily I quench it, how easily I believe the lies that in order to hear from the Lord, or stay in the Spirit I need to allow myself to be ushered into the Spirit. Lies that creep into our advice to friends and into the advice we receive from Christian friends. Have you been to church? Have you been praying? Have you been reading your bible? All well-intended, but I have been and do these things, and yet the battle rages. It's absurd, there's no formula, it's much simpler, but we make it hard. It's this simple, Jesus says:

"...and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

Did you catch that? He said ALWAYS! He's not waiting 'til you get into your prayer closet, he's not waiting at the bus stop, he's not waiting 'til you open your bible, and he's not sitting patiently at church waiting for you to come in and take your seat. He's with you always. ALWAYS...ALWAYS...see what you're doing there, you're rushing past, re-read this. Believe me, re-read it!

After reminding myself of this, I found that I needed to take it one step further (and consistently need to do this), I am not able to just be satisfied with knowing that Jesus is right here with me, everywhere. Nor do I remember this truth. Prayerfully, someday I will be able to remember. But for now, I have to also reframe my every thought. I have to, as my boss recently said, put on my faith goggles, but I also have make sure I have on my truth goggles. I have to re-talk to myself, I have to replay scenarios that I'm worrying about over in my head 'til I boil them down to the truth. This seems like it should be simple, but our brains, well at least my brain, does not do this simply. It does not hold onto truth. Truth seems to slip through my hands while untruths tend to hang on and stick to my brain, and infect my thoughts.

So it's important to remember this truth as well as I commence this daily battle. Jesus also said:

"...and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” (John 8:32)

Freedom. That's my prayer, for me and for you. Freedom from fear, freedom from worry, freedom from expectations and more or MOST importantly, the ability to feel unspeakable JOY!

Dreams...a way to soul-clarity

Dreams...my way of soul-clarity...

So, if you know me, you've heard me talk about my dreams. I've been an avid dreamer and connoisseur of dreams for most of my life, learning about their interpretation, B.C. and understanding their peace giving elements for many years.

In looking back, I've been comforted through life with passing dreams. I've also been alerted to forthcoming trials and tribulations by those same sleep induced notes. After surrendering my life the Lord (I'll refer to A.D.), the Lord blessed me with people in my life that helped me start to make sense of my dreams.

Therefore as I long to be with the Lord in daily life, I'm also comforted by the fact that my longing is sometimes (often times) met through my sleep as well. Isn't the Lord amazing?   

I know for some of you who don't believe, you're thinking I'm a bit off, but so be it. I know for a fact that it's through His grace and love that He even allows me to see these amazing things in life, whether awake or asleep - God's that cool!

So this past week has been a soul-searching week, a very confusing week, as the only conclusion I can muscle up the words to describe is that I'm tired...really, really, really tired...exhaustion might be the better word for it. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual...the lines are blurred completely and I can't make heads or tails of it.

I tried to and I have completely lost the relevant words to describe my fatigue, therefore launching many others into complete disarray and worry for me. Praise the Lord, I have amazing friends, coworkers and family that would even attempt to worry about me, pray for me and love me through this - I am blessed, beyond most.

As I tried to put words into my mouth, into my head, and they just didn't fit. I love what I do. I love the people I work with and am so blessed, so why the worry, the strife, the numbness? I DON'T KNOW...

And this week has not helped me put a finger on it. But what it has helped me do is know that with space, I think better, I run better, I work better and I love better. A lot better.

Now that my soul-rambling is complete, back to the dream, because I believe it plays an important role in my searching, in my praying and in the prayers that others have uttered for me.

My dream last night, took me to the desert, literally (see the pictures above). I was lying in the middle of my desert - outdoors and I felt this huge weight, as if someone or something was laying on top of me. I was face down and when I turned and rolled over to see it, I could see this small building or trailer (just like the picture above, except the coloring of the sky was as it's shown in the 2nd picture, that deep dark blue and purple) parked a ways from me and I could see that I was outside. My bed was in the middle of the outdoors and I remember that whatever was on top of me was leaving, and it was invisible. As I rolled over it rolled off of me. I remember talking to God and asking for His protection and knowing that He made it leave, I remember thanking Him. I also remember waking up in my own bed, here at home and feeling that sense of heaviness and consciously thinking that heaviness is gone or is going. The idea that it was leaving was awesome.

I really feel that this heaviness was a spiritual attack, that for the past few weeks an oppressive force has been over me. I know that I still feel a bit tired, but this morning I woke up with a renewed sense of purpose, of the ability to put fear and fatigue aside and to move forward.

Then was the secret revealed unto Daniel in a night vision. Then Daniel blessed the God of heaven. (Daniel 2:19) 

Hence this blog. I've been having an urge (a serious urge) to blog for over a year. In fact for more than a year now I've had an alarm go off each Saturday that reminds me to blog...check the blog role to see how many times this has actually happened. Ahem...don't laugh, because it hasn't.

Anyways, my prayer is that with more prayer, some good talks, some sleep and some intentionality of wanting to punch fear in the face, you'll see a few more blogs on here...And more importantly, I get back to doing the Lord's work, what he's laid in front of me. Thank you Lord for Kingdom work, big or small, you've put it in my path and for that I'm ever grateful.

Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established. (Proverbs 16:3)

kt

PS - Keep dreaming!

A Reason to Sing (a late post from reviveTWIN CITIES training)

A Reason to Sing

GOOD MORNING Saturday…so our teams head out and Emilee and I make our first stop at Grace Church and set David up (we were blessed to have a table for the men’s breakfast).  Simultaneously, across town Kyle and Rich were at another men’s breakfast for HisClay Ministries.  All the while we had part 2 of training starting at 8:30 a.m. at OCMC.  And some of our team was there - getting prepped for the morning!  Busy day!

So Emilee and I get David all squared away and we head out to the OCMC. As we are cruising down a MN highway, I just remarked to Emilee, “We may have just enough time to stop and grab a coffee” (a must for any early morning in the cold!).  Well just as I mentioned coffee, I noticed a police officer and I looked at my speedometer and said “I’m going to get a ticket.”  Yep, I was speeding. Guilty! And now you’re thinking - great what a way to ruin a morning.  But for some reason, it didn’t really phase me, did I have the time to get the ticket, nope, did I have the extra money to pay for the ticket, nope.  But I knew I had more important things to think about.

So as we departed from the sight of the infraction, I turned up the radio and took off to OCMC.  Neither one of us spoke, and there was no coffee to be had, but we were good and made it to OCMC.  We were on time for our most important mission...getting the teams equipped to go out and share the Gospel.

Our emphasis from training the night before was LOVE - LISTEN - DISCERN - RESPOND.  The Lord had us open in prayer with this verse:

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…”  (1 Cor 3: 4-8)

The morning worship was amazing, the Lord just kept telling me not to worry about anything (as some of you may know I’m a blessed to be a facilitator in training, which means I help organize the teams before we go out during training, and last time we had about 200 people to organize).  As the church filled up the Lord kept saying, keep singing, keep worshipping me, I helped you last time, I’ll help you again.  So I kept singing.  I love singing and the Lord gives me a reason to sing time and time again.  

As 150+ people and 42 teams hit the streets, I was excited.  I was so excited, because I was on a team!  I hadn’t had the opportunity to go out last time, but love when I do and really felt that this morning I was excited to LOVE on people.  Not to mention I had a ROCKSTAR team.  

So our team headed out and went to a local hospital, as we talked and walked we came across Whitley, as she greeted us with a sweet smile, we asked her how we could pray and she said for direction (for her life) and for her God-son.  So we stopped and immediately, I thought the Lord send us to Whitley because He knew her and about her life.  As we sat down we noticed she had a tattoo on her finger, and it said “Love.” It was beautiful.  So as we continued LOVE - LISTEN - DISCERN - RESPOND, Whitley gave her life to the Lord and became confident in her direction.  And the Lord gave all of us a reason to sing.

Praying, that despite all the things the world throws at you, you will remember we have an eternal reason to sing and we have to share it.

Prayer & Obedience (a late post from reviveCOLUMBIAsc)

Prayer and Obedience…

It’s been 3 days since I have been in Columbia, but my heart nonetheless is still there. What an amazing time with friends and fellow believers this past weekend. As our training team, David Maddox, Tony Hicks, Drew Gibbs, and Valita Randolph traveled from a far to come to Columbia, our hearts were to be available to the Spirit of the Lord. Lord, let us hear your heart for this city, let us hear the cries of your people for revival and let us join in their work and labor in faith for what the Lord has in store for Columbia, SC.

As you probably already know the answer to what happened while we traversed through Columbia, I just want to share with you a bit of what happened…

Thursday our team landed and headed to a local coffee shop to just sit and prep and take in the city. It was a fun time of fellowship and of conversation with locals in the shop, it’s always a blessing to get our heads back in the city in which we are going to spend the next few days and what better way to get a pulse then to go be among the people…Next we headed to our Instigators home - H.L. and Janie Allen. Some of you may be asking what denotes an instigator? Well here’s a simple description...at Time to Revive an instigator is someone who is led by the Holy Spirit to pursue and pray for revival in their city and has been led by the Lord to call upon others to join them in that plea...and that’s what H.L. and Janie have devoted themselves to...praying for revival in Columbia, SC.


At dinner that night we were able to pray and talk through what it’s going to take to rally the Church in Columbia, SC. What will allow us to bring people together to share the love of Jesus across this city? Our prayers are simple...Lord we want to see you transform us and the Church. We want to see your love and power manifest and revive this city! What an awesome time together...and we pray your will join us in this prayer!

Friday as we met throughout the city with churches, pastors, and business men, our teams prayed and prayed for the Lord to keep us in His will, Lord what do you want to see happen in Columbia and our prayers were being confirmed, step by step. Friday evening we got to hear testimonies of how the remnant in Columbia had been stepping out in boldness and faith, to share Jesus. 2 Salvations with a team that went out last month from the Greater Columbia Call to Prayer, 4 Salvations at the Giving Table event, another person joining in to pray for the Government in Columbia once a month, another person talking about a time when they shared with someone who didn’t get it, but she later she must have spent time with the Lord and got it because she was seen witnessing her new faith to others, joy and praise when someone shared about the article in Reach Out Columbia titled “It’s time to REVIVE, Columbia” by Marsha Bradberry...what a blessing!!! And through all those I had an even more overwhelming joy at that moment, because a good friend of mine who I met the week of prayer time in Columbia had finally been able to join us for that evening...and so the Lord was just filling everyone’s heart with praise on what He’s doing in Columbia!

Training was a joy and our focus was prayer and obedience. With our (the training team) heart cry being what Luke said in Acts 4:29 - 31 -

29 And now, Lord, look upon their threats and grant to your servants to continue to speak your word with all boldness, 30 while you stretch out your hand to heal, and signs and wonders are performed through the name of your holy servant Jesus.” 31 And when they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness.

Boldness...and what a mighty God we serve, because on Saturday morning as the teams went out after a beautiful time of prayer, the Lord answered those prayers...reviveCOLUMBIA teams went out in boldness and returned to celebrate 14 salvations and later on Sunday 2 baptisms! Praise the Lord!

Will you continue to pray for and pursue revival with us in Columbia, South Carolina?

FAITH, multiplied

FAITH

Here we are after training #3 in Richmond.  What a fun couple of days.  No crazy travel stories to talk about, no delays, no issues, our team arrived safely and made it home quietly.  We are certain we rode in and out on some prayers, so thank you to those who pray for us continuously without fail.

Our time these last 2 days in Richmond were such a blessing to David, Gary, Ben and myself.  Our team has come to terms with the travel, the long days and the sometimes sleepless, or off schedule nights.  And people say all the time, “we just don’t know how you do it?”  Well it’s simple really.  It’s all God.  He does it…we just have to have FAITH.

And it’s clear that those who gathered together yesterday and today have FAITH.  And together we clung to the FAITH that the Lord will give strength, will lead our steps, will make a way, will teach us, exhort us and unite us as the body of Christ.  It’s interesting to see how even the disciples needed to be encouraged in their FAITH.

In Mark 11:22 – 26 Peter brings to Jesus’ attention the fact that the fig tree he cursed withered away and Jesus responded with these words:  “Have faith in God.  Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says is going to happen, it will be grated to him.  Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted to you.”

Because of your (that’s you RICHMOND) FAITH, the Lord showed up, everyday people, who have been called by Jesus, claimed His power and moved mountains Friday and Saturday in Richmond.  You shifted the atmosphere and pushed back the darkness.

FAITH saw a partially blind man healed, it saw 3 salvations, it addressed demons, it prayed with dozens of people, it planted many seeds, it invited people to church, it connected believers to reviveRICHMOND and in return each person involved tapped into increased FAITH.

And afterall that’s all we are after, urging believers to learn how to share their FAITH (the Truth).  “For by grace we are saved, through FAITH and this is not from yourselves; it is a gift from God- not from works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9

Praising God for each of you, thanks for increasing my FAITH!

Amazed...

Day 1 -

So many of you heard that my getting to Devils Lake, ND was quite the experience on Monday.  While many challenges arose, there were no worries - God had a plan - thank you Lord for the blessing of getting to serve in Devils Lake and arriving safely.  (Thanks again for all those who helped out on Monday, and for all those who prayed for Drew’s eye!)

Day 2 –

Prayer, that’s how it started and what a sweet time!  The Lord calls us to pray and to lay everything before Him, fully believing that all that we ask for will be granted (Mark 11:24), and that’s what we did.  The Spirit of the Lord was with us and we had such a sweet time Tuesday morning in prayer.  Next, we headed to Dakota Baptist Church at Fort Totten, where Pastor Paul Young, his wife Sarah and quite a few others (who had arrived early to pray and ask the Lord to bless our time on the reservation) were waiting to join in. 

As our 7 teams organized, it was pretty quiet, not many had an idea of where to go or how to find people so our team went with the 2 leads we had - Martin and David.  As we headed out, we went to find Martin at his place of work.  Driving up, it was evident we were either in the wrong place or the business was closed that day.  So we headed to the house where I knew we had dropped Martin off back in January after he spent he day with some of our team.  At the house we found Martin's mother and had the opportunity to pray with her, but that she wasn’t sure where Martin was, as he lived in Toyko, dead end.

We headed next to the High School where we believed David worked.  As we approached, we were skeptical that we would get very far, especially as all signs indicated “no solicitations,” and “check in with security.”  Seemed like another dead end, yet, when we walked in we were greeted by Curtis.  Curtis was kind and persevered to see if David was working and whether or not he would see us.  Curtis affirmed that David was there and would see us, so he proceeded to lead us to his classroom.  Curtis was so pleasant chatting with us all along the way and from the beginning, I thought, I bet this is who we are here to talk to.  As we waited for David we talked with another teacher and learned about the school.  It was a time of learning patience, and asking the Lord – is this where you want us – are we getting anywhere?  As 2 men entered the room where we were waiting my team member noticed this was not the David we were looking for.  As he responded that he was in fact David, we quickly learned we were looking at David Jr., not Sr., dead end.

As we left, we thought Lord, what do you have for us here?  We have ran into 2 dead ends and now we have just a little time left to find someone to share with…

As we walked down the hallway, we ran into Curtis and there the Lord just gently showed us, I have a plan, even when you can’t see it.  Curtis greeted us pleasantly and we told him how we had the wrong person and with the kindest heart he said – well, would you like a tour of the gym?  OPEN DOOR.

As we walked into the gym we said, “It’s apparent you have a lot of pride for the school here and for all that’s going on here.”  He went on to tell us he had been part of the tribal counsel, he had grown tired of politics and was now enjoying working security for the school, he had two grown boys himself and just loved working around the kids.  As we talked it was evident – the Lord was opening a door to share the Gospel.  And from there, as a team, we sat down on the bleachers and went through the Gospel.  As we shared it was evident that Curt needed clarity, it was amazing to watch was his face as he read and as we shared.  His humbleness shined through when he said, “I really want to learn, and I just don’t know how.”  He had never heard this message, he had challenges in his own life and had been seeking counsel and been left with dead ends of his own.  The sheer joy of clarity in the Gospel message brought tears of joy to our team and to Curtis.

As our team headed to the car we were tearful just amazed at how the Lord had orchestrated our morning, you see we cast out our nets, we pulled them back, cast them out again and 2 times they returned empty.  And then when we had all but just started to doubt, He allowed us the blessing of sharing with Curtis.  Reflecting on Curtis and his salvation…tears of AMAZEMENT and joy just continued to flow freely through our team.

When we returned to the church that morning we heard more stories 8 salvations that morning – GLORY!  Just as Jesus assured Simon Peter on the shore of the Sea of Galilee He was assuring us to cast our nets and just as Simon Peter stood amazed and feeling unworthy, we also stood feeling that emotion.  “For amazement had seized him (Simon Peter) and all his companions because of the catch of fish which they had taken...” (Luke 5:9).

The afternoon of discipleship was also a blank slate for many of us – we were trying something new…so as our team headed to the Holiday Mall – door after door after door just continued to open – to share, to encourage, to pray!  AMAZED! (Oh and one more GLORY!)

The evening went on and as many more went out, a bit discouraged about the silence of the day (less attendance, not finding many people out) it was as if the Lord was just conveying to us – CAST YOUR NETS, TRUST ME… (Luke 5:4).

And so as we returned GLORY occurred 6 or 7 more times that evening!  New believers in Christ were accepting the gift of salvation.  Praise the Lord, His faithfulness even when we couldn’t see assured us, just as He assured Simon Peter on the Sea of Galilee…“And Jesus said to Simon ‘Do not fear, from now on you will be catching men” (Luke 5:10).

Scared to death…

Sitting on the plane coming back from Richmond, California, looking out the window and seeing the mountains and just reflecting as the song “Oh how He loves us” by David Crowder, and my heart just keeps reeling on the time spent with Dionte yesterday.  Dionte Jackson – “Fly Guy Tay” for short.

The time spent with our team giving Dionte clarity…clarity about who Jesus is and what Jesus did for Dionte and you and for me, it just gripped me.  I was overwhelmed by emotion when Dionte described a dream that his mother had about him.  He said his mother had a dream that a black car was rolling through the neighborhood and there was a shooting, everyone in the car was shot and Dionte was going to save them, but he ended up getting killed.  Now some of you may think, why would a mother tell her son about a dream like that?  But for Dionte, he needed to hear that dream, because it was pointing him to Jesus.  Not only that, but he went on to describe how it’s known (either in his family or between him and his brother) that his brother has a ‘gift’, his brother is able to flip open the Bible and just find life, a verse that describes life.  And what Dionte didn’t say, but we all felt was his brother also found hope in that, that the word of God was encouraging his brother through that ‘gift.’  But when Dionte attempted the same thing, looking for that ‘gift’ or that hope – all the bible verses reflected was death. 

Scared to death.  Scared that he was going to end up dead, on the street in front of a black car, trying to do what was right, being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  And the feeling of being ‘scared to death’ was all over his face.  It was a weight, you could feel, a weight that I know some of my friends and family, if they were really honest carry in the back of their minds, maybe in the front, maybe it just pops in once in a while?  But it was felt.

So here’s a 20 year old looking at his mother, looking at the Bible and finding death.  Surprising?  Aren’t we supposed to get hope from those things?  Parents are to uplift and raise up their children. 

And then Dionte read the following verses one after another:

            “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.”  Ephesians 2:8-9

            “that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.”  (Romans 10: 9 -10)

And then we went a bit further and emphasized this:

            “for ‘Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved.’” (Romans 10:13)

And then Dionte couldn’t stop smiling, his countenance changed.  He found hope.  He found the words in the Bible he had longed for, he had searched for, he had prayed he would just open to.  He found clarity.  As I sat there watching, I was overwhelmed with joy, with love with just an immense amount of compassion.  I remember feeling scared to death.  I remember sitting in rooms by myself, crying out to the Lord knowing that He was the only one that could fix the hurt, the fear the sheer terror that I felt and not feeling hope, I remember searching, trying to find it on my own.

And then I was flooded with the immense emotion, the weight of glory you could say, maybe even the joy that I now have in knowing that I don’t have that same fear, that Dionte doesn’t EVER have to have that fear again…and tears flooded down my face.

So as I sit here thinking, scared to death, when was the last time I was scared to death, it’s a funny term that we throw around like nothing, but it holds a lot of weight.  And as I sit here, I can’t think of the last time I was really scared to death.  It’s a weight that I don’t have to carry anymore though, and neither do you, because “it is the gift of God,” (Ephesians 2:8-9) that He “demonstrates His own love for us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

My prayer for you today is that as you read this, you think of your scared to death moment and instead of searching for hope in your mother, father, spouse, your seatbelt, your helmet, your parachute, your bottle, your drug, your escape… you look to the Lord and to the offer of salvation, it’s a gift and it’s free and it SAVES!

Thank you Lord for saving me…

PS - Check out Dionte at the end of this video