Crappy days happen

Late Post from November 9th. . . 

So today (November 9th) was a crappy day. . .I've been in the dumps and it started last night and then squirmed it's way into my day today.

I know I should be better about this stuff. I should take every thought captive and I should know better. I should pray more, but there are just days were it's crap. . crap. . .crap. . .and more crap.

I feel like crap. . .

But God is good, it wasn't all lost on crap. This morning the Lord ministered to me through the saints of the church, by allowing me to be prayed over, when I was weak. Allowing this sweet, blessed woman to just love on me and give me a vision of how Jesus sees me. It was so sweet, she just couldn't stop hugging me and I couldn't stop hugging her, what a God-send she was. I needed that hug more than anything (and I don't usually like hugs)! I need hugs though, I know that my heavenly Father knows that and for that I'm thankful.

So the Lord has given me the gift of discernment, I didn't ask for it, I didn't know what it meant before three years ago, but He's gifted me with it. I don't like it all the time, especially, as sometimes it leads me to truth that hurts. Or truth that I don't like, or truth that flat out scares me (ever see a demon, well I have and that's wrapped up in that gift of discernment). And through it all, I always know in my heart what's going on, some people call it a gut feeling, others just know. And most of the time, I do a pretty good job of taking every thought captive. And last night I went to war, I was not going to let the enemy win!

For instance, as the enemy tried to attack, I did it, I prayed and I prayed hard. I said Lord, this is the truth, this is your truth, let it reign true, let all things be okay, let it just be the enemy wanting to derail me. So I prayed and I slept, and I got a really good nights sleep. But when I woke, the shaking was still happening. So much so, it followed me to church, where the Lord shook me to my core, and told me. . .you need prayer, you need help and I won't leave you, I promise, I love you, you are a jewel, you are mine, you are chosen. But child, not everyone is going to understand. Let me command your destiny, let me be your provision, let me rule in your heart.

So my day went on and what a numbing day it was. . .numb, that's the word. The Lord knows the desires of my heart, and so does the enemy, and sometimes we can be fooled by things that look close. They look like a gift, but aren't truth. We have to be careful, but we must not stop loving. As we are told to love, and I do that, I do it really well, but I never want to do it so well that I lose sight of God or myself. When I do this, I lose focus and make so many other things my idol, I fail, and in essence, I sin.

BUT GOD. . .

And He said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves in the sight of men, but God knows your hearts; for that which is highly esteemed among men is detestable in the sight of God. - Luke 16:15

I guess the reason I wanted to post this was to keep it real. To let you know that even though smiles abound normally, there are crappy days and thankfully the Lord sees us through each one of them.

May you be blessed and if you are having a crappy day, stop and pray, or message me and I will pray for you!
Love,
kt

Praying for miracles. . .

Written 11/4/14 -

We ask God for a lot of stuff, a lot. Come on now, don't deny it. He's actually asked us to do that. He actually enjoys us coming to him for everything. Thank you Lord.

As I sit here writing, I am interested in learning, is out of all the things we ask for, how many of us truly ask God for a miracle? I'm not talking about answers for this or that, but for God to move that mountain and bring a miracle? I started thinking about it, as I have been pleading with the Lord for a miracle this week.

The new miracle I have been praying for is a miracle to start with, so it's a miracle on top of a miracle so to speak. I've been praying for the last 2 years for this first miracle and so when I heard about it I praised God, because He did it! But now it's moved into a new realm, it needs a miracle on top of a miracle. It's funny how I have qualified it in my mind too. The first miracle wasn't that big of a surprise, I guess it's because I know my God and I believed He could do it. But today, the miracle on top of the miracle, it's taking me farther. Lord I know you can do it, but I want to feel it, I want to see it, I want to taste it.

Lord, I want this miracle for your glory, for your story, for your testimony. Lord I know you can do this, but even my little faith is being stretched. I must confess Lord, I'm growing bold in demanding this miracle, but I'm also wondering how I will be if you don't do it. Will I shy away from you? What words will I say to those who know I've been praying hard for this, how will I defend you? (As if I even need to?) LORD, HELP MY UNBELIEF!

It's silly really, but it's real. I can count on one or two hands, the number of times I have truly beseeched the Lord to move in a miraculous way. Has He ever not answered me the way I wanted? Yes.  Has He ever answered me the way I wanted? Yes. Did I give Him the glory? Yes! He's done both, and through it all I still love Him, but do I trust Him?

My trust in the Lord is challenged almost daily by the will of my mind. It's amazing how faithful our good Father is, and how faithless we can be after all. Through this I have been wondering, why don't we ask for more miracles? I know why I don't. I've discovered it's not because I don't believe God, it's because I don't want to be disappointed, I don't want to be let down and I ultimately don't trust that God knows better than me. Isn't that the truth? Isn't that what holds us back from praying for miracles? From having peace? From publicly acknowledging the God of life?

My heart is heavy this morning, because truly I tell you, the Lord has revealed my struggles to me and ever so sweetly He's working them out in and through me, through my life. But here's why my heart is heavy, I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I still struggle. . .what about those who don't see the light, who are struggling to hang onto themselves. They are struggling to hold onto something that is perishable, something that can fail (out human bodies fail), they are lost without hope. My heart is heavy for those who have set You aside Father. . .for those who know the goodness of Your love, but have lost it, they have lost You, not because You have moved, but because they have gone off and tried to do it alone. I know Father, because I do it. . .ALL THE TIME.

Lord, I say the words, 'hear my prayers' as if it incites me to the front of the line with You, but there is no line, You are as personal to me as You are anyone. You are right beside me as if I am the only child in your entire kingdom, but yet, I can't get that through my head today. Lord I'm praying for a great miracle today. I am begging you to heal, to lay hands on, to save in the name of Jesus, the name of above all names.

Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer. . .

Set us free

It's not everyday you meet someone and the Lord gives you just an amazing insight into their hearts. But when it does, and you get to see the Fathers heart, it's amazing. 

That happened today. Just a sweet Saturday with my man, headed to one of our favorite places to grab a salad, and the next thing you know, we're are hearing an amazing testimony.

Now right away you may think we ran I to a fellow believer, sorry to disappoint, but the young man says he's an atheist.

Now don't get sad, the Lord says trust. And so we continued to talk. As he told us he was an atheist, the Holy Spirit told me that he had an immense amount of sorrow in his life, I could see it in his eyes. So I shared that with my man, and he asked him. . ."have you lost someone?" Wow, it's like the floodgates opened, he had lost his parents before he could remember, lost many friends and even lost the love of his life to cancer.

At TTR, where I work, we train people to love, listen, discern and respond. Our loving and listening that day allowed us to discern that this young man needed to know that he was not alone, that he was loved and so that's what we did.

We discerned that we needed to find out more about what he loved, what he enjoyed, why was he work and what was he working for (we're all working for something). As our meal came to an end, my sweet man had told him they needed to hang out, we had found out that he loved to write and that he was open to another visit! Awesome!

The ball is in his hands, as he has our number and contact information, but before we left, he was hugged and encouraged, and I pray he saw a Christ that is loving, not pushy, who listens and cares and will love above all!

Will you pray with me for this young man? Pray that he is encouraged that true love and healing come from Christ.

As we walked away, the Lord told me to pray that he is set free. Lord I pray he's set free and what's even more ironic, shortly after that, I had my own experience with grace and love and come to find out I need to be set free from fear, no new surprise, but just a constant reminder that only Jesus can set us free. 

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

Knowledge gives you wings

So, this past weekend I had the privilege of sitting in on an Earthworks, permaculture class. I've had the chance to learn about permaculture over the past few months. . .by association. 

It's interesting how you know nothing about something and then God just injects your life with new knowledge. . .

With that said, I'm learning a ton! Like this weekend, how to build a swale and ponds. I learned what a berm, a key point, a laser level and much, much more.

Again, I'm just amazed at all the knowledge that is out there in the world, but until it crosses our paths we know nothing of it.

What is the Lord looking to teach you? For me, He's asking me to be silent. And don't laugh since my writing might be construed as being noisy. But He's actually asking me to be quiet with Him, to be quiet in my head, to get to that mountain top with Him, where He can speak to me. How cool!

I'm not there yet, I can't see the top, but I'm climbing, not striving. Or then again, sometimes striving and not climbing. It's a battle, but it's worth it. 

I'm also not yet an expert in permaculture, but I'm learning, more and more as I go.

It's never to late to learn. . .whether it permaculture . . .or discerning the voice of God, get out there and listen up!

"Ignorance is the curse of God; knowledge is the wing wherewith we fly to heaven."

William Shakespeare

Love your neighbor

This past Saturday, I had the privilege to see Jen Hatmaker speak at the Go Girl! Women's Conference at Fellowship Dallas Bible Church. While I did not take notes, therefore I can't possibly begin to redeem her entire message, the parts I did glean from it was to Love your Neighbor. Ya know, a commandment of our Lord and Savior.

Well, sounds great! Right now, I'm loving my little neighbor Kyoshi (my boyfriend's dog) as he sits next to me. Earlier today, I loved my neighbor at the coffee shop while I worked, greeting her politely and allowing her to sit next to me at the community table/lounge area. And early this morning I loved my neighbor (my housemate) by getting out the house so she could sleep (as she's been working nights). So check, done...

Not so fast lady, that's what my conscious says...and then it starts to ask these questions?

• What about your neighbors, the ones in your neighborhood?  Remember when you moved into that great little house, you prayed for them, your prayed for your city and you intentionally tried to create ways to meet them, greet them and have conversations with them?  What happened to that?
• What about the time you offered to help with your neighbors car and have your friend work on it, but you never followed through? Nor did your friend. The entire thing was counted as a blessings, and had led to a great spiritual conversation, but your lack of follow through on the car, probably did not help your testimony of your faith very much.
• What about the time you made cookies for all of them at Christmas - that one time (the first year, this will be Christmas #4 in the hood).
• What about the most recent time when your neighbor fell ill and you promised to look in on her? Maybe help with some meals, etc. . .yep, how well did that go over?

Jesus clearly stated. . . 

". . . and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-31New American Standard Bible (NASB)

There is no greater commandment than these. . . whoa, maybe my life is flipped upside down? Maybe the fact that I drive to a ministry each day that focuses on sharing the Gospel across this nation, but I can't get out of my comfort zone to start checking in with and loving on my neighbors, is a big slap in the face to God?

It's been on my mind. And as I write this, I don't know how or what I'm going to do, because I really need the Lord to clear the space and make me move. I just know that he's moving, he's always moving in my life. And this week I'm overwhelmed with the ideas that keep popping into my head, am I serving Him well? Am I doing the Lord's work? Am I loving my neighbor? Am I being a fool for Christ? Am I where He wants me to be? The emotions are raging and I'm asking for His clarity, His plan for me and His confirmation on how to move for Him. Thankfully as I am fluttering about, the one thing I'm not concerned about, is that He who calls me is faithful (Romans 8:28)!

Please pray with and for me as the Lord works this all out, He's moving and He's moving me!

Put that down and stop hitting her!

Sounds like something your mother would tell at you as she tells you to leave your sister alone, doesn't it?

Well tonight as I assess the day, read, pray and digest, it's actually meant for me, and maybe you, and maybe my best friend, maybe even my guy friends? (Insert "stop hitting him") Who knows?

"Put that down. . ." refers to the weight of this world that we carry. Each morning we pick up our mantle, our burdens, our lack of satisfaction, our lack of measuring up. We pick up our guilt, maybe the day before we said something spiteful or hurtful or just plain ignorant to someone. Maybe we avoided them, lied, didn't give them our full attention? Maybe we even allowed them to sin against us and then we entered into their sin, leaving both of us carrying a weight? 

Pause for a moment. . .am I the only one? If so, yay. . .and Lord, hear my cry! Take these things from me Lord, as I repent and I ask for your forgiveness, as I forgive those who I may believe "provoked" me, Lord take them, take this weight.

And not magically, but through His covenant with us as our Savior, He picks them up and carries them away. He gives us the ability to never see them again. Ah, but not me, I wake up as if I'm in that movie Groundhog Day and I repeat my actions from yesterday! UGH! When will I learn?! (Understand now that this is my utterance, not the Lord's)

This is where the ". . .and stop hitting her" comes in. Because you see what I did there? Launched right back into picking up the weight that entangles my soul daily, and then lectured (hit) myself with how foolish I am to do it again! Wash, rinse, repeat. . .this is a daily routine for me, anyways.

STOP! That's not what God intends for us to do. Knowing that we could not follow the law and that we would battle our natural behavior our entire life, He sent Jesus. He sent Jesus to tell us about himself, He sent Jesus to tell us about ourselves and our design. He sent Jesus to tell us about how we are to see ourselves and others through His lense.

Jesus calls us many things, beloved, blessed, sheep without a shepherd, His children, His disciples, His friend, His family, His redeemed, overcomers! Amen!

But, do I wake up each morning calling myself that? Nope, I'd rather use, fat, single, immature, grumpy, messy-haired, out of style, broke, tired, and ultimately defeated, failure. (Feel free to insert the names you use here)

Put that down and stop hitting her!

Geesh! Can we start our mornings a bit differently from here on out? Let's try something new! Let's start with the names Jesus gave us, then let's see if any of those other unmentionables can even get near us!

As one if my favorite songs from the 90's (arguably containing other questionable lyrics, but has to be mentioned here, because it fits well and popped into my head just now) says:

"Regulators...mount up!"

Let's regulate this self deprecation, let's use that powerful inner voice that comes from the Spirit of Jesus that lives within us and let's stop carrying the weight and beating ourselves up! Give it a try and give me some feedback, let me know how it goes.

Blessings!

KT

Identity

I scratched down some notes last night during an evening of prayer and worship. Throughout the evening we talked about many things. But one struck me, it's that we were made to be worshippers and to worship God. 

This means giving Him all credit, giving Him all praise, acknowledging Him above myself. So why don't I do that? 

I started thinking about it, and I don't do that because I worry about other things too much, I don't do it because I let other things get in the way of my worship.

It led me to think, if I am made to worship, then my identity should be in that in which I worship. This is something we all hear tossed around, "your identity should be in Christ." Sounds great, but no one discusses how do I get there?

So last night I scribbled down some notes about my thoughts on my how...

My prayer is that it will help you, and more than anything that I will dwell on worshipping the God who blesses me, who saved my life and loves me more than I can even comprehend! I pray it helps me to understand my identity.

"The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me." John 17:22-23